Big Screen TV's and Nuclear Bombs
by Himizu-chan
Summary: Anime characters are taken to a supersweet mansion with every conceivable luxary... along with some things that the world would be better off without. Note: Contains characters from Rurouni Kenshin, Inuyasha, Case Closed, Ranma, and Teen Titens COMPLETE!
1. Default Chapter

**Chapter 1: Welcome to Animedom**

A/N: First, this is under Yu Yu Hakusho, but it's really a crossover! I inserted a bunch of characters from other Animes in here. But there are more Yu Yu Hakusho characters, so I categorized it under YYH. Second, I'm introducing a new OC in this fic! Her name's Saru and she annoys me greatly, especially during English class when she yells at me and tells me to update my stories. I gave her a spot in this story so she won't bug me so much about updating my other story, which will probably backfire. Oh well. Read on, good reviewers! (HINT HINT!)

Himizu-chan: Hello everybody! Welcome to my first ever cross-over fanfiction! Joining me will be Freddy Kruger! Yay Freddy!

(A little dude wearing black clothes and a hockey mask and carrying a plastic axe and a rubber chicken comes out)

Himizu-chan: You're not Freddy! Where's Freddy?

(Himizu-chan walks around for two hours, looking for Freddy and is followed by the little dude)

Himizu-chan: Okay kid, enough is enough! Leave me alone!

(Little dude whacks Himizu-chan in the shin with the plastic axe)

Himizu-chan: Cute. Why don't you go cook that bird since you seem to be serving no real purpose except for ornament and you're not particularly good at that either.

(Little dude pulls out a chainsaw)

Himizu-chan: (OO) AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RUN AWAY! (Runs away)

(Little dude chases Himizu-chan everywhere)

Himizu-chan: ROLL THE DISCLAIMER TAPE!

Disclaimer: I am poor. I own only my computer. Don't sue me. I own no animes, movies, soda companies, or anything. Poor me. (TT)

* * *

"Hey, everybody, you guys will never guess who I found out…side…" Himizu trailed off timidly as she walked in leading Inuyasha, Kenshin, and Karou. Her eyes widened in horror as she viewed the chaos around her. 

"We probably would…" Ryouko told her, her eyebrows twitching. Kitsune only nodded dumbly, holding her head in her hands, looking as though she needed a whole bottle of aspirins (And that's bad, kids, don't take pills. Drink caffeine.) Saru was the only one who seemed to be enjoying herself, as she was currently engaged in stealing Hiei's katana and trying to chop off Kuwabara's head.

Their agony was justified. The room was crowded with various anime characters including Sesshoumaru, Sango, Miroku, Koga, Ranma, Akane, Ryoga, Kuno, Shampoo, Mousse, Conan, Rachel, Heiji, Richard, Sanosuke, Yahiko, Megumi, Robin, Starfire, Beast Boy, Cyborg, Raven, Hiei, Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Botan, Keiko, Shizuru, Yukina, Genkai, Koenma, Jin, Touya, Rinku, Chuu, Mitari, Hagari, Amanuma, Kaito, Kido, Yanagisawa, Koto, Juri, and George the Blue Ogre.

"Wow! We're gonna have an interesting time here…" Himizu looked slightly alarmed as she watched the Anime characters engaged in various activities including, but not limited to, screaming at each other, flirting with members of the opposite sex, destroying the room, drinking Mountain Dew or sake, setting random fires, and flooding the house. "I don't know whether to call the police, call the fire department, call the House of the Nutcases, or head to high ground," Himizu added. Ryouko began to curse, or at least, we think it was cursing. Since she was underwater (six feet high and climbing!), it was hard to tell. Meanwhile, the ceiling was on fire.

"Let's do this instead…" Kitsune snapped her fingers and the water level began to recede. And now instead of Ranma, Shampoo, Ryoga, and Mousse, there stood a red-haired girl, a cat, a black pig, and a duck. The cat meowed aloud and jumped onto the girl's head. The girl immediately began to scream and she ran into a wall. Kuno raced forward to scoop her up, crying about his beautiful pig-tailed goddess. Akane kicked him in the gut and poured hot water on the girl's head, turning her back into Ranma. The duck began to chase the cat, but ran into a wall and its glasses fell off. The pig squealed in agitation and the cat ran towards Himizu. In a quick motion similar to karate, Himizu sent the cat flying out the window. Then she sneezed.

"I hate cats," she muttered.

"But I'm sure you can't resist the face!" cried Beast Boy, transforming into a cat and staring up at her with giant cute-cat eyes. Ranma began clawing at the wall in an attempt to get away. Himizu repeated her earlier motion and sent Beast Boy the cat flying out the window. He poked his normal head back in. "I can't believe it. You resisted the face!" he cried, looking horrified.

Kitsune snapped her fingers again and the fire on the ceiling was quenched. Hot water was also dumped on the duck, the pig, and the dazed-looking cat. All of them had clothes on, even thought they don't in the manga, but this is a PG-rated fic! They have clothes! Get over it! Mousse, Ryoga, and Shampoo were back. And Ryouko's house was still a mess. Even a nuclear war zone didn't look as bad as her room.

Ryouko was rocking back and forth wordlessly, having run out of curse words while she was underwater. Kitsune snapped her fingers again and the room was clean. Then Himizu snapped her fingers and Ryouko's room vanished. In fact, her whole house vanished. IN FACT, her whole neighborhood vanished. Saru looked around, highly impressed.

"Very nice…" she said, grinning.

"NICE! NICE? THIS ISN'T NICE! WHERE'S MY HOUSE!" cried Ryouko.

"Poor thing… so traumatized. It'll be okay," Himizu told her. "All I did was teleport us to a field."

"Why did you bring us to a field!" demanded Hiei. "Why didn't you bring us to a forest!"

"Because then it would be too easy for the Cosmic Sheep to find me," Himizu told him. Saru quickly punched something into a cell phone, muttering about tracking devices and promotions. "And since we have guests, don't you think you could be nice to me for once!"

"No."

"It was worth a try," Himizu said with a sigh, leaning against Mitari's shoulder, making him look highly startled.

"This is so pointless," Raven grumbled. Hiei nodded in agreement.

"Pick, pick, pick, cheese crackers!" exclaimed Himizu. "Come on, let's satisfy this whiny lot!" She, Kitsune, Ryouko, and Saru snapped their fingers in unison and a giant mansion appeared in front of them.

"This mansion has over 100 rooms," Kitsune declared, sounding like a real-estate agent. "It has all the most modern conveniences, including an automated kitchen, twenty big-screen TV's, all the videogames you can think of, fifteen computers, all connected with wireless internet, ten different phone lines, dozens of beanbags, giant pillows, and couches, a pantry stocked full of junk food, and three refrigerators full of pop and lemonade, with one whole fridge just for Mountain Dew… In short, everything that anyone could ever want in their entire existence!"

"AWESOME!" all the anime characters screamed, and they began to run into the house.

"STOP!" yelled Ryouko at the top of her voice. All the characters screeched to a halt at the threatening tone her voice carried. "We are going to have some organization now!" she continued. "The mortgage on this mansion is unbelievable and the last thing we need is for you guys to go in there and mess it up! So everyone is getting divided into groups to prevent furthers disasters! Each group will be headed by one of us!" She gestured to herself, Himizu, Kitsune, and Saru. "Ladies," she said to her friends, "shall we draw straws?"

"Um… how about let's not," suggested Saru. "Let's go with Himizu's idea."

"Himizu had an idea! Gasp in horror!" exclaimed Ryouko.

"Ha ha ha, very droll Ryouko," said Himizu, hitting Ryouko probably a good bit harder than necessary. "But I did draw up a table dividing up those guys into four groups."

Ryouko, Kitsune, and Saru all peered over her shoulder. "It looks good, but maybe if you put Kuwabara in that group instead…"

"Yes, and then move Yusuke from that group and put him in this one… Ooh, and put Koga over here! And put Ranma and Kuno there, with Akane!"

"Make sure you put Sango and Miroku in the same group… and Shampoo and Mousse! And don't forget to put Raven in that group… Ooh, that will be interesting!"

"Why does Sessha get the feeling that this will create more chaos than if we just ran inside?" wondered Kenshin.

"Probably because it will… muttered Sano. "I've met some loonies before, but this is ridiculous. They take the cake!"

"Sessha agrees, de gozaru yo!" Kenshin exclaimed.

"WE HEARD THAT!" the girls yelled.

"Okay, here's how we're going to divide up! If you have any objections, take it up with that nice big rock over there, 'cause we won't listen!" called Saru.

"Why should we listen to you!" Yusuke objected.

"Because if you don't, I will use this!" And Saru whipped out Hiei's katana.

"THAT'S MINE! Baka ningen!" exclaimed Hiei, seizing it back. Saru growled and snatched it back. Hiei seized it and jumped into a tree.

"Wait a tick! What's the tree doing here! Stupid trees, always growing where no trees are supposed to be growing, it's really quite ridiculous!" And Himizu snapped her fingers. The tree vanished. Amazingly enough, Hiei floated gently to the ground and was completely unharmed. "Great, now he defies the law of gravity! What else can this punk do?" wondered Himizu.

"I can kill you…" suggested Hiei.

"Not now, Hiei, she's very helpful in paying the mortgage. Now can we please divide them up in the groups, which we have decided upon… NOW!" asked Ryouko, her voice rising a few octaves. Apparently nearly getting your house destroyed makes people testy.

"All right," Saru yelled out, taking control. "I'll group this in order of animes. When I call your name, go to the authoress that I tell you to go to."

"Hang on, that's my chart! I should be the one doing this!" exclaimed Himizu.

"I was the one with most of the ideas! I should be in charge!" cried Ryouko.

"But I called it first!" exclaimed Saru.

A nice catfight started, ending with Himizu jumping away with the notebook while Ryouko and Saru attacked each other. Himizu cleared her throat, and was promptly tackled by Inuyasha. He snatched the notebook and took off towards the mansion. Himizu stood up slowly and reached into her sweatshirt pocket. An earsplitting voice pierced the air.

"INUYASHA, SIT BOY!"

Inuyasha fell over. "Kagome, you wench, where are you!" he exclaimed, in high aggravation as he searched for the notebook. Starfire landed in front of Himizu holding the notebook.

"Here is your notebook, Himizu. Now would you please read the groups so that we may go inside this elegant house and play games and spend quality time together talking and eating not-cotton candy or nuts of dough!" she chirped with a huge smile on her face.

"Thank you Starfire. And Inuyasha, Kagome sends her apologies for not being able to come, but she has exams, which the four of us should probably be studying for, but we're not. That's not the point. The point is that Kagome very kindly made something for me when I mentioned that you might be visiting." Himizu pulled out a tape recorder, hit Rewind, and then hit Play.

"INUYASHA, SIT BOY!" echoed through the field once again. Inuyasha fell over again. Himizu then amused herself by pressing Rewind and Play over and over again, causing a small crater about ten feet deep to form from all the times that Inuyasha was Osuwaried.

Kitsune seized the notebook and called out, "All right, we'll do Case Closed first! Conan and Heiji, go with Ryouko, Richard, go with Himizu, Rachel, you come with me!" The four people obeyed promptly. Ryouko glomped Heiji and ruffled Conan's hair. Kitsune greeted Rachel cheerfully. Saru looked pissed because she had no one in her group, and Himizu looked cheesed because she thought Richard was an idiot.

"Next, Inuyasha! Inuyasha, you go with Ryouko, Koga, you go with Saru, Miroku, you and Sango go with Saru also…"

"WHAT? SPEND THE DAY IN THIS COOL MANSION WITH THAT LECHEROUS MONK! I DON'T THINK SO!" exclaimed Sango, looking highly pissed. Miroku ignored her and walked up to Saru, clasped her hands, and asked if she would bear his child.

"I DON'T THINK SO, MONK!" exclaimed Saru.

Miroku tried this on Kitsune, she gave him an icy glare and turned him down coldly. Ryouko kicked him in the crotch. Finally he hobbled over to Himizu and asked her to bear his child. Her eyebrow began to twitch.

"You are disgracing monks and priests. Next thing I know, you're going to be buying Neverland from Michel Jackson. I am going to kill you now." And she slammed him on the head with a nice heavy baseball bat, cracking the bat in half.

"If I may continue…" Kitsune growled, ignoring Miroku's whimpers. "And Fluffy-san is coming with me!" she finished, glomping him energetically. Sesshoumaru winced.

"Next, Ranma 1/2! Ranma, you, Akane, and Kuno will be in Saru's group!"

"Fun, fun, fun," said Saru sarcastically as Ranma and Kuno promptly began fighting for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

"Ryoga, you go with Ryouko, Shampoo, you and Mousse go with Himizu!" Kitsune finished.

"But Shampoo want to be in group with Ranma. Shampoo no like Mousse!" Shampoo protested.

"But Shampoo, darling, we were made for each other! This is fate!" Mousse cried energetically, attempting to hug Shampoo, missing, losing his glasses, and crashing into Himizu.

"Lama me!" Himizu wondered.

"Next, Rurouni Kenshin! Kenshin, you go with Ryouko!" Kitsune called. Himizu hissed in displeasure, but cheered up at Kitsune's next shout. "Sanosuke, go with Himizu!" Himizu nodded in satisfaction, then passed the tape recorder to Kenshin, telling him to give it to Ryouko, winking at her. The two girls exchanged evil grins.

"Karou, you and Megumi come with me, Yahiko, go with Saru!" Kitsune finished. "Next, Teen Titans! Oh, this one is easy! Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Robin go with Himizu and Starfire and Raven go with Ryouko! And last, but certainly not least, Yu Yu Hakusho!"

The entire Yu Yu Hakusho gang collectively groaned. They were the only ones who had experienced adventures with the girls before and none of them had been pretty, so there was no reason to look forward to this one.

"Yusuke, Keiko, Botan, Koenma, you come with me!" Kitsune called. "Kuwabara and Yukina, go with Saru!"

Hiei growled, but Kuwabara was ecstatic at being placed in a group with his beloved.

"Kurama-sama, you're in my group, of course, Hiei, you're in Ryouko's group, no surprises there…" Hiei growled again. "Jin, Kaito, and Kido, you're all in Ryouko's group too, so now her group is complete! Touya, Chuu, Shizuru, you're in Saru's group, so now Saru's group is complete! Ogre, Shizuru, you're in Himizu's group, Koto, Juri, you're in my group, Yanagisawa, you're in Himizu's group too! And to finish this off, Hagari, you're in my group, Rinku, Amanuma, and Mitari are in Himizu's group! Any questions? Good! Let's go party!"

"Mitari!" exclaimed Himizu, glomping him. Placing him on one side, Sano on her other side, and Amanuma next to Mitari, she marched in, chattering away at well over a mile a millisecond. "We're gonna have so much fun here, this mansion is without a doubt the coolest place ever built, Sano, you will love the training room, we get swordsmen in there all the time just so they'll train and we watch because that's really cool, and Amanuma, you would not believe our videogame selection, I'm so gonna whip your tail at pinball, and our snacks are unbelievable, there's about five billion tons of sugar in that house, and we have our own theater, Mitari, you would not believe it, but nothing depressing like Chapter Black, no we have good movies, like The Emperor's New Groove, Miracle, tons of James Bond movies, and Monty Python movies too of course, you guys are so going to love it here!" she finished rather breathlessly.

"Himizu, STFU already!" exclaimed Ryouko. Then she turned to her group. "She is right though, we have everything you guys could ever want. I don't really know why we have a training room, but we do and that's just one of the many perks around here. By the way, Himizu, thanks for the tape!"

Himizu gave her the thumbs-up sign. "I'm sure you'll find some good uses for it!" she replied. Then she clapped a hand to her forehead. "Crap! I almost forgot!" She ran off in the direction of a fence, which was decorated with sunshines, rainbows, and flowers. She ran in the gate and a loud snarling ripping sound started almost immediately. Himizu came out, hands bleeding crazily. "The killer plants are alive and well," she reported, wiping away the blood calmly as though this was an everyday occurrence. Everyone except Kitsune, Ryouko, and Saru fell over at that statement. "But they want more ferrets," Himizu finished.

"Crap! We just fed them a week ago! Where do they put all those ferrets?" wondered Ryouko.

"No kidding. Especially since they don't even have mouths…" Saru added.

"Well, they want ferrets, we'll give them ferrets. Earmuffs on!" yelled Kitsune. And the four girls marched towards an unobtrusive and barely noticeable shed next to the fence. Ryouko paused and looked back at the stunned Anime characters.

"You guys may want to close your ears," she advised them. The girls armed themselves with whips and cattle prods.

"Here we go…" whispered Kitsune, throwing the door open. "HIYAAAA!"

"WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! MAKE THEM STOP!" everyone screamed.

"We can't. That's the whole problem. Meet the singing ferrets," Saru said with a forced grin.

"Mutated ferrets that breed like flies, sing like dying cows, and have the brains of a certain retarded talking sponge on a certain retarded TV show," Ryouko continued.

"Started as a joke, turned into a mistake, became an epidemic, currently used as plant food for my killer plants," Himizu added.

"And never let them watch cable!" yelled Kitsune dramatically. Everyone fell over again. The girls chased the singing ferrets into the fenced area and everyone waited. They didn't have to wait long.

"SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! … AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" A loud ripping sound of so many singing ferrets being eaten by killer plants floated out like music to their ears.

Himizu smiled in satisfaction. "There is justice in the world."

"Can we cut the chat and go in already?" asked Saru impatiently.

"All right, well, we're organized, so… LET'S HAVE A PARTY!" yelled Kitsune. Almost immediately a giant sound system appeared in the windows of the house and started playing Who Let The Dogs Out at about 500 decibels. Everyone cheered and charged into the house.

* * *

Himizu-chan: (running from the little dude with the chainsaw and screaming into a walkie-talkie) IS ANYBODY THERE? HELLO! HELLO! 

Walkie-Talkie: Hello?

Himizu-chan: Secretary! Get me security! On the double!

Walkie-Talkie: (Is silent)

Himizu-chan: Wait a minute! I don't have security! Or a secretary! Who am I talking to then?

Walkie-Talkie: Your worst nightmare.

Himizu-chan: A talking walkie-talkie?

Walkie-Talkie: …

Himizu-chan: (Still running from the little dude with the chainsaw) READ AND REVIEW!

A/N: The killer plants came from an odd incident where I got my hands cut up by these evil sharp plants… And the singing ferrets are the product of my twisted mind. Mwa ha ha ha ha! Ahem. Heh heh. Read and Review!


	2. Beware of Wombats

**Chapter 2: Beware of Wombats**

(Himizu-chan is still running from the little dude with the chainsaw)

Himizu-chan: (yelling into the walkie-talkie) Ryouko, if this is you, I'm going to kill you!

(Saru enters)

Saru: Hi Himizu-chan! What's up?

Himizu-chan: What does it look like!

Saru: It looks like a homicidal maniac with a chainsaw that stepped out of a really bad horror movie is chasing you.

Himizu-chan: Close enough. (Keeps running)

Saru: Ok, do you know where Kuwabara is?

Himizu-chan: No… Should I?

Saru: …Guess not… Oh well. He'll show up. Then I can pour the itching powder on him. In the meantime…

(Saru steals the dead chicken from the little dude and examines it)

Saru: So how is this scary?

(Little dude stops chasing Himizu-chan and starts chasing Saru with the chainsaw)

Saru: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Himizu-chan: This could get ugly. Let's roll the disclaimer tape.

Disclaimer: The authoress is a lazy punk that hates making disclaimers. Please go back to Chapter 1 if you want a disclaimer, you insane freaks and evil possessed lawyers!

Himizu-chan: My computer has an attitude. As long as it doesn't go ghetto on me.

Computer: Hmm… (Laughs evilly)

Himizu-chan: (O.O) Meow. Lama me?

* * *

Everyone raced into the mansion and screeched to a halt. Even the posh outer appearance and the descriptions that the girls had provided couldn't begin to describe the elegance of the mansion. Saru bounced forward. 

"Welcome to our mansion everybody! Enjoy yourselves, but don't break anything. Let's call in the robot servants!"

Almost immediately after she spoke, a dozen robots came scooting in through a pair of swinging doors. They halted in a line and bowed low, calling out in very deep metallic voices, "Welcome back to Animedom, Ladies Ryouko, Himizu, Kitsune, and Saru. Welcome to Animedom, friends of the good ladies. If there is anything we can do to make your stay with us more comfortable, please do not hesitate to ask, we will be happy to assist you. Is there anything you require now?"

"Yes, could you bring a round of Mountain Dew for everybody, bring some munchies, popcorn and pretzels and such? Oh, and will someone bring me the stereo remote?" asked Kitsune.

The robots shot off, eleven of them heading to the kitchen to oversee the snacks and one darting off in another direction returning moments later with a small remote control. Kitsune pressed a button and She's Got Issues by The Offspring began to blare through the house. Himizu grinned.

"This song is so awesome!" she exclaimed.

"The song is also very true…" noted Hiei. "Especially if it's talking about you four."

The four girls cracked their knuckles and glared at him. Then the twelve robots raced into the room with large trays of pop and snacks.

"Help yourselves!" Kitsune exclaimed. "After you've eaten your fill, we can party."

In a remarkably short time, the four groups prepared to separate. Himizu and Saru passed out maps to all the anime characters while Ryouko set up a projector and Kitsune stood in front of everyone explaining the layout of the giant mansion.

"The game room is over here in the north wing between the arcade and the computer room. The theater and the training room are in the west wing. The music room and the gym are in the east wing. The pool is in the south wing along with the library. The kitchen and the grand hall are here in the central area. That's the first floor. The skating rink and the soccer field are in the upstairs north wing. The disco room is in the upstairs east wing. The relaxing room takes up the entire upstairs west wing, I'll explain that later, and all forty bedrooms are in the upstairs south wing. The upstairs central is where all the stairs, elevators, and escalators meet. Under the basement are our dungeons and torture chamber. The basement is where we store all the miscellaneous items that we couldn't fit anywhere else, the attic is the same, with two laboratories in the east end. Anyone that attempts to go into the second one will probably not make it out alive unless you're with Himizu, Saru, Ryouko, or me, since we're the only ones who can somewhat control our creations, but it's very iffy, so you may want to play it safe and not go in at all."

Everyone exchanged looks. "What on earth could be in there that's so dangerous?" wondered Karou.

"Knowing Ryouko, Himizu, and Kitsune, it's probably not very pleasant. As for Saru, she seems at least as bad as the other three, so it's probably very bad and we should avoid it at all costs," Botan murmured timidly.

"Put it this way," Saru told them. "We made the killer plants and singing ferrets in there. We put the plants outside to make them happy and we put the ferrets outside to make us happy because they're annoying. Everything else is in that lab, unless it escapes, which we never notice until it tries to eat us or something." Everyone looked scared.

"A word of warning," Himizu added. "Never say the word…" Her eyes shifted from side to side nervously and she leaned forward, whispering in such a low whisper that everyone barely heard it. "Never say the word… yak." She shuddered, eyes still shifting from side to side.

"Why not?" demanded Sesshoumaru.

"You don't wanna know. Just don't say it while you're in this house unless you want to experience pain beyond your wildest dreams," Ryouko advised.

"No three-letter word can rule my fate!" Hiei yelled. He opened his mouth, but Ryouko tackled him, clapping her hand over his mouth.

"Hiei, you little son of a gun, what did I just get done telling you!" exclaimed Ryouko. "Do you think we told you that just for kicks?"

"Yes…" he muttered.

"Well, we didn't," she snapped.

"But what could possibly happen if we say the word 'yak'?" asked Sano. The four authoresses eyes widened in horror.

"HE SAID IT! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" they screamed. A rumbling noise filled their ears and suddenly a mob of stampeding wombats came barreling into the room, flattening Sanosuke and scaring the heck out of everyone else.

"Those are the stampeding wombats, trained to attack at the sound of THE WORD," Kitsune explained from her position alongside the other girls on a nearby couch. "So don't say it unless you want to get attacked."

"That's easy enough!" Ranma exclaimed. "Don't you agree Akane? Akane? Where are you? Hey Akane!" Suddenly a rumbling noise sounded and the wombats came running in, flattening Ranma. He jumped up, looking highly indignant. "What's up with that! I never said the word! Stupid wombats, what's their deal!"

"You spelled it," Saru replied, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "The wombats are very smart, aren't you, you sweet little wombats!" she called. The wombats came running in again and jumped onto the furniture, squeaking outrageously.

"HEY!" called Himizu. "No wombats on the furniture! Down boys, down girls, come on, off the furniture, good wombats!" She smiled at the Anime characters. "They're really very good little creatures, as long as you don't say THE WORD."

"I have an idea!" Saru exclaimed. "Let's do a brief group tour." She whispered something in the ears of her friends and they all nodded and laughed wickedly. "To the basement!" Saru cried. And the girls and Anime characters headed down into the basement.

It was dark there and stacked with boxes and cartons and strange artifacts, including a Civil War cannon and a World War II submarine. Finally, they reached a trapdoor and climbed down a rope ladder into a subterranean world. The light looked green and the gray stone walls were covered with mold. Damp cells stood empty with huge locks on the doors. In some cells, disintegrating skeletons leered repulsively in various positions of torment. Some skeletons were human while others appeared demonic and others were just plain mutated with multiple heads and stuff. Some hung from the ceiling, others clung to the bars of the door, still others were chained to the wall. Rats scattered about, clutching bones in their teeth and two rats the size of medium-sized dogs were fighting over a rotting corpse.

"Okay, who's been skipping dungeon-cleaning duty?" demanded Kitsune. Ryouko pointed to Himizu, Himizu pointed to Saru, and Saru pointed to Ryouko. Kitsune rolled her eyes. "You're all three guilty as charged. NOW GET THIS PLACE CLEANED UP!" she yelled. "We want them to think we actually take care of our prisoners you know."

"But that's lying. We torture them for about six months and then leave them to rot when they don't scream loud enough anymore," Himizu exclaimed. "We also don't feed them!" The Anime characters all turned to run out of the dungeons, but the rope ladder was conveniently on fire and Saru was putting away a lighter as she swept a broom lazily over the hallway floor.

"Oh dear, did I do that? Well, I guess that means that no one can go upstairs now unless we want them to… Oh dear, what a shame…" Saru said with a mischievous smile playing on her face. "Why don't we take them on a tour of our torture chamber while we're here then…"

"Quick, somebody call the cops! These girls are mad!" exclaimed Miroku.

"Koenma-sama, isn't there anything that you could possibly do to remedy this?" cried George.

"Unfortunately, no. They're a bit beyond my control…" Koenma muttered in frustration.

"Beyond your control! They're human girls for goodness sakes!" cried Botan, slightly hysterical. "It's not as though they're demons!"

"Actually, that's never been proved, and anyways, my father took over control of them. He said they would be too much for him to handle. He was right of course…" Koenma admitted.

"WELL CALL HIM AND TELL HIM WE'RE ALL ABOUT TO BE KILLED!" shrieked Botan, losing it completely.

"It won't help. We threatened him with the wombats and ferrets and he handed over our papers. Now we're immortal, have demonic powers, and control our own destinies without having to listen to anyone in all five worlds!" Himizu yelled. "WWWWOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"FIVE worlds!" exclaimed Yusuke. "Since when have there been five worlds!"

"Well, there's Ningenkai, Makai, Reikai, and that other world, I forget what that's called… And then there's the fifth dimension," Ryouko said, ticking them off on her fingers.

"The fifth dimension!" everyone exclaimed.

"But that's never been proven to exist!" Kurama argued.

"Yes it has. We're in the fifth dimension right now!" Saru informed them. "You don't seriously think we'd do all this stuff in Ningenkai, do you?"

"YES!" everyone yelled.

"Okay, so we would. Whatever. But even if King Enma hadn't given us our papers, he wouldn't be able to do anything to us here anyways because he has no power here in the fifth dimension. So you guys are basically screwed," Ryouko finished with an insane burst of laughter, which the other girls gladly joined her in.

"Now let's go tour the torture chamber where I will give some demonstrations!" Saru exclaimed happily.

The torture chamber was completely windowless, being underground, and was lit by several bare light bulbs. Several strange devices designed to mess with the body and the mind were scattered about the room. There were quite a few stone plates with chains attached in various places. Cyborg kicked one.

"How are these torture devices?" he asked.

"Imagine if you would," Kitsune said, "that a drop of water is falling on your forehead. You can't move your hand to brush it away and you can't move your head away. It just keeps falling, _plink_, _plink_, _plink_, right in the same spot for hours. Imagine a light shining in your eyes. You can close your eyes, but you can't get rid of the light. Imagine a spider crawling over your arm, and you can't move to squish it. Imagine a pendulum swinging above your head, getting nearer and nearer. Imagine a plate of food or a glass of water just beyond your reach and you are so hungry, so thirsty…"

"Okay stop! You girls are brutal! Very brutal!" Cyborg exclaimed, looking highly disturbed.

"Thank you, we do our best," Himizu said with a bow. "And that's just the mental torture. You'd be surprised how well it works too. Most of our prisoners go mad after about a week. It's very gratifying. And we're only on the psychological tortures, we haven't even gone to the physical torture. Like the rack!"

"The rack, yes, the rack! Or the nice little rooms where the song that never ends plays endlessly! Or the rooms where we can lock our captives up with the singing ferrets and other 'interesting' lab specimens!" Saru added. "You see, we never actually execute our victims unless they are majorly no fun. Then we kill them in the most gruesome ways possible. It's very fun."

"Would anyone like to volunteer to be in a demonstration!" asked Ryouko perkily, staring pointedly at Kuwabara. He made a strange noise in his throat, turned, and ran.

"Come back here, you baka!" Saru yelled in agitation. A scuffle started and the Anime characters ran to Kuwabara's assistance and the three other girls ran to Saru's assistance. When the dust settled and visibility was once again no longer a problem, all the Anime characters were chained to the walls and stone plates around the room.

"Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" they all laughed insanely. Kitsune stopped and smiled at the now terrified Anime characters.

"We're not evil or insane. Really," she told them.

"And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you!" Himizu yelled out. (If you don't get this… -.-() Heaven help you, you poor deprived children!)

Himizu, Ryouko, and Kitsune went into a huddle and began to whisper almost inaudibly, just loud enough for phrases such as 'chain saws', 'machine guns', and 'singing ferrets' to be heard. Then Himizu looked around, highly concerned.

"Hey, where's Saru? She knows she's supposed to leave off the torture until we're all ready. Bad wicked naughty Saru! She must be punished!" Himizu cried dramatically. Then she saw Saru standing and whistling innocently nearby. The other three girls narrowed their eyes at her.

"Whenever you whistle, I get suspicious," Ryouko said with a slight growl in her voice.

Kitsune's eyes shot over the chained-up figures. "Wait a second! Where are Inuyasha, Koga, Beast Boy, Sanosuke, Kuwabara, Genkai, Koenma, Ranma, and Kuno!" she yelled in alarm. Saru stared with feigned cluelessness.

"Who are they!" she asked in a sweet innocent voice that fooled nobody. Then they heard screaming coming from a small side-chamber. Botan immediately began to struggle to release herself from the cumbersome chains.

"Do you girls have no shame? Where is Koenma-sama? How can you torture the heir of Reikai!" she cried.

"Very easily. Didn't we already tell you that we don't have to listen to them anymore!" exclaimed Ryouko. "And Saru, stop taking all the fun for yourself!" The Anime characters looked at each other. -.-()

Then, after releasing the characters that Saru had dragged off, they re-chained them and began to discuss a good method of torture. Finally they dragged all the girls into a room with about fifty TV screens and popped in Barney DVD's and tied the girls to chairs. Then they shut all the boys in a room that was pink with cute little bunny rabbits on the wallpaper and singing ferrets in a cage at one end.

"This is another group. They don't sing Spongebob, thank Kami!" Ryouko told them. "However, Himizu, in a moment of absolute idiocy, taught them to sing the song that gets on everybody's nerves and now they keep dying because they can't stop singing… But she means well. Have fun boys!" Then the four girls walked out, slamming the door shut, a deep echoing boom that seemed to signal their impending demise.

* * *

(Himizu-chan laughs insanely as she finishes typing the fic while Saru continues to run from the little dude with the chainsaw) 

Himizu-chan: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (inhales) ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Saru: -.-() HIMIZU-CHAN! GET THIS FREAK AWAY FROM ME!

Himizu-chan: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (inhales) ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Saru: (x.x) (Whacks Himizu-chan on the head with a baseball bat) SHUT UP!

Himizu-chan: Oro! (Passes out)

A/N: I wrote this when I had about five gallons of Mountain Dew in my system and I was high on cough drops. Yes, cough drops. I had a cold when I wrote this and I took a bunch of cough drops and I got high off those cough drops and I sat down at my grandma's computer and I wrote out this chapter. I had a good time. It only proves that I do my best work when I have something unusual in my system. I must admit, this was fun to write. All that stuff about the fifth dimension and the dungeons… I love myself when I write this stuff… (Stares randomly into space for a long time, envisioning the destruction of the world) Yeah, Read and Review people!


	3. Inside the Torture Chambers

Himizu-chan: Phew. This one took a while to write, and I got hugely stuck on chapter 4, had no idea how to start... -.-; But I got that taken care of and now I'm ready to post chapter 3! I'm really sorry I didn't respond to my reviews last chapter, but I was in a hurry to get it posted since I was supposed to be at Ryouko's house at the time...

wonderingprophet: Yes, yes, we knew you were a baka and can't read... Tell me something new next time. Thanks for your profile info which i updated a month ago... and you shouldn't be reading this during multimedia... you should always pay attention in class. (Remembers that me was reading in math today) Yeh... -.-;

Angel of Forlorn Hope: O.O Please don't die! Breathing good. And I like your reviews. You are not allowed to choke to death. I will send the singing ferrets to follow your ghost around and you will never have peace! Mwa ha ha ha ha! JK, but I'm serious about you not dying.

wonderingprophet: (chappie 2) Poor Anime characters? Right... Whatever. And yes, the little dude is evil. But I will have revenge!

Angel of Forlorn Hope: (chappie 2) Of course I'm going to tortue them. Why shouldn't I? It's not like they're going to have physical pain, just mental anguish. Now that I think about, I am being mean... Barney, yuck! Oh well. They'll live... I think.

Himizu-chan: Now read, review, and I'll try to write faster, I promise!

**Chapter 3: Inside the Torture Chambers/The "Great" Escape**

Himizu-chan: (Wakes up) Saru! What was that for!

Saru: LET'S THINK!

Himizu-chan: Okay! (Tries to think, but can't because she is so high on Mountain Dew) This reminds me of a sleepover I had with Ryouko and Kitsune and we drank about five Mountain Dews apiece in a span of three hours and Kitsune was sitting on my mushroom chair and she was so high she fell off.

Saru: Nice… And why wasn't I invited to this?

Himizu-chan: Because I didn't know you yet…

Saru: Good point. (Little dude with the chainsaw comes up to the two girls) Can't you get rid of him!

Himizu-chan: I've been trying, I swear! I think he wants revenge!

Saru: Right… What did you do to him?

Himizu-chan: Nothing! I swear to God! (Is struck by a lightning bolt) Okay! I lied! Don't hurt me!

Saru: -.- Himizu-chan…

Himizu-chan: Yes?

Saru: -.-; Just start the fic already…

Himizu-chan: OKAY! As soon as I can think of what to write…

Saru: -.-() We're doomed.

Disclaimer: I OWN ALL THESE ANIMES! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (Sees evil lawyers with lawsuit forms ready to sue her ass off) O.O Meep! Never mind! I own my computer! And my CD's! And the singing ferrets! And the stampeding wombats! FERRETS, WOMBATS, ATTACK THE LAWYERS! (Ferrets and wombats attack lawyers) Yes! I shall rule the world! (Is struck by another lightning bolt)

* * *

When we last left them, the Anime girls were in a room with Barney DVD's, the Anime boys were in a pink room with singing ferrets, and the four not-really-evil-but-very-slightly-insane-but-otherwise-totally-harmless girls were in the torture chamber getting high on caffeine. Actually, I didn't tell you that, but that really doesn't matter. Let's visit our groups, shall we?

* * *

**With the four girls**

"This is the life! Our lovely mansion and all these Anime peeps at our disposal! Man, we are going to have fun!" laughed Saru insanely.

"Yes indeed. But we need to be sure to leave Kurama somewhat unscathed," Kitsune replied.

"Yeah, we can't kill anyone… just slightly maim them!" Ryouko declared.

* * *

**With the Anime girls**

"IT BURNS! HORRID HORRID IMAGES!" Karou, Rachel, Botan, and Keiko were screaming.

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family!" Barney was singing.

"My poor ears…" moaned Koto. Shizuru was looking more pissed off by the second, Sango and Akane were cracking their knuckles, and Juri was twitching. Megumi and Genkai just shook their heads in annoyance

"I have heard some very nice and interesting music here on this planet, but this does not sound very nice at all," Starfire said softly. Yukina nodded in agreement.

"It sucks!" Raven said with venom. "We need to find a way out of here," she continued.

"Otherwise we'll all go mad! Leave it to Ryouko, Himizu, and Kitsune to come up with something like this!" groaned Keiko.

"I would have thought it would be something more painful…" Botan admitted.

"We're not cruel, just evil," a voice informed them. An intercom was sitting above the door, along with a camera. "Just to let you know, we're watching your every move. If you try to escape… there'll be… consequences…" Himizu's voice sounded unusually evil. All the Anime girls twitched, then several of the bolder ones began tapping the walls and floor, frantically searching for an escape route.

"Hey, check it out!" yelled Sango. "I found a trapdoor!"

"Well, what are we waiting for!" asked Karou. "Let's get out of here!"

"I don't think that's a good idea…" Keiko exclaimed. "The girl's probably put it there on purpose so we'd go in. There's probably some nasty surprise waiting for us down there."

"Only one way to find out!" Akane declared, jumping in. Everyone glanced down and saw her standing on a floor about six feet below. So the other girls jumped down too. Rachel was the last one to jump in.

"Oh yeah! No more Barney!" she yelled, flipping off the camera. As soon as she hit the floor, however, it collapsed and the fifteen girls plummeted down into a black pit, screaming in horror.

* * *

**With the Anime boys**

Yusuke was beating his head against the wall. "THE PINKNESS! IT BURNS!"

Kuwabara was huddled in a corner. "MAKE IT GO AWAY!" he screamed.

"What is so terrible about pink?" asked Kenshin.

"Yeah, I guess it would be hard for you to figure it out, since that seems to be all you ever wear!" Sano exclaimed.

"Sessha does not wear pink! This is fuchsia, de gozaru yo!" Kenshin exclaimed.

"Yeah, whatever Kenshin," muttered Yahiko.

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!" sang the ferrets.

"I, Lord Sesshoumaru, shall vanquish these villainous vermin and give our ears some peace!" exclaimed Sesshoumaru.

"HA! Yeah right! They'll beat you easily," snickered Inuyasha.

"Well, at least I have full demonic powers, unlike you, half-breed!" Sesshoumaru replied.

"Hey, watch your language, dog!" yelled Yusuke, punching him hard. "There is nothing wrong with being a half-breed!"

"Yusuke, how would he know that you're half-demon?" asked Kurama, trying vainly to keep some reason.

"Pathetic dog-demons," laughed Koga. "Miserable mutts, isn't it obvious that wolves are infinitely superior to all dogs?"

Kurama bristled. "Care to retract that statement before I give you pain beyond anything you have ever experienced!" he asked, speaking in a deadly calm tone. Koga snickered.

"What could you do, human?" he asked.

"This…" replied Kurama, transforming into Youko. "Now say that foxes are superior to wolves! Say it!" he growled fiercely. Koga bared his teeth.

"I'll fight you!" he challenged. "A contest to decide which is superior, wolves or foxes!"

"You have got to be kidding me!" exclaimed Hiei, clapping a hand to his forehead as Youko and Koga started fighting. Ranma, Kuno, Mousse, and Ryoga all started randomly fighting for no reason at all. Heiji and Conan looked at each other and rolled their eyes. George started biting his nails and Koenma looked peeved. Chuu was drinking sake. Robin, on the other hand, was walking slowly around the room with Beast Boy and Cyborg, trying to ignore the singing ferrets and the pink walls, searching for a way out of their prison. Mitari started helping them and Hagari started trying to blow up the walls with his weird little devices while Amanuma pulled out his videogames and Rinku pulled out his yo-yos.

"What's the fun in those things?" Amanuma asked Rinku, pointing at the yo-yos. "They don't even use batteries."

"These are things that batteries won't help. Yo-yos are the coolest things ever invented, much better than some sissy hand-held computer crap!" exclaimed Rinku. The two boys glared at each other.

It was at that convenient moment that a small hatch opened next to the singing ferret cage and two identical red-haired midgets came out, whistling and carrying a bunch of watermelons. They began to push the watermelons into the ferret's cage. Some of the ferrets kept singing while others ate watermelons and squeaked happily. Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy all looked stunned.

"Mas and Menos!" they exclaimed.

"Hola Cyborg, Robin, Beast Boy! Como estan ustedes? (Translation: how are you guys)" they cried happily.

"Not too good," Cyborg told them. "The chicks that own this pad are holding us prisoner."

"Aye, esta es muy mal!(Aye, that is very bad)" the two boys cried together. "Horrible (Is it a coincidence that the Spanish and English words for horrible are the same?)!"

"Can you help us escape?" asked Robin.

"Lo siento senor, pero… es illegal… las chicas pagan nosotros mucho dinero (Sorry sir, but it's wrong. The girls pay us lots of money)!"

Everyone else in the room was viewing this conversation with huge sweatdrops on their faces.

"Oh, yeah, everybody, these are Mas and Menos. They're twins and pals of ours from back home. They speak only Spanish and they're amazingly fast, but only when they're holding hands or something like that," Robin introduced them hastily.

"Fast? Pah!" laughed Hiei. "No one is faster than me."

"Lo siento senor, pero, nosotros son mas rapido con todos las otras personas en el mundo (Sorry sir, but we are faster than everyone else in the world)!" the twins exclaimed. Hiei snorted.

"Wanna bet?" he asked them. They nodded. "Twenty times around this room, touching every corner," he told them. They assented easily and the race began. It turned out that both humans and demon were equally swift and the race ended in a tie. Immediately, loud protests went up from the three participants, each claiming that the other had cheated in some way, shape, or form. Koga and Youko stopped fighting, which was a lucky thing for Koga as he was about to be devoured by a large plant… Youko glared down at Koga.

"I'll let you go this time, wolf. But be warned, you won't get off so easily next time," the fox spirit informed the wolf demon. Then he transformed back into Kurama and went to pull Hiei away from the ticked off twins.

"Hey, guys, listen, I know you have an obligation to your bosses, but can't you help out some old pals just this once?" pleaded Beast Boy.

The twins exchanged glances. Then they replied, "Nosotros salientos en vaccacione, esta bien. Nosotros dicimos ustedes. Empujon el buton! (We're leaving on vacation, it's okay. We'll tell you guys. Push the button)" As everyone digested this information, the twins waved good-bye and headed off. "Adios chicos! Mas y Menos, si podemos!" Then they shot off on their vacation. Everyone stared after them for a moment, then began to search for this button. After about ten minutes, Conan noticed a giant red button in the middle of the floor. Everyone crowded around as he pushed the button. As soon as the button was touched, the floor around them collapsed and suddenly the 33 Anime guys were falling down a dark tunnel.

* * *

**After several minutes**

Coincidentally, the girls and guys all came flying out of their separate tunnels at the exact same instant. They all landed in a pot of not-unpleasantly warm water. The four girls were dancing around the pot to the beat of tom-toms beaten by the singing ferrets, which were also singing an Indian war song. Did I mention that the girls were dressed in Indian headdresses and performing Indian war-whoops? After a few minutes, they stopped and turned to the cauldron.

"Ah, the subjects are here, just as we predicted. Now we can begin. You must now be sacrificed to the almighty jellyfish and his pink and yellow seahorse minions! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" laughed Ryouko.

All the Anime characters stared. O.O ?.? -.-()

"Ye gotta be kidding!" exclaimed Jin.

"Actually, she's not," Kitsune informed them. A giant fish tank was brought forward. Inside floated a gigantic jellyfish the size of an elephant. It was surrounded by at least fifty pink and yellow seahorses.

"How on earth could a jellyfish get that big? It doesn't even have any bones. Surely the size and weight would cause it to collapse into itself…" Conan exclaimed. "And seahorses just aren't born in this color! It defies all laws of nature!"

"And I was under the impression that you were smart!" exclaimed Saru. "Don't any of you get it yet! That's one of the things we do here! We defy nature by creating genetically mutated animals with quirks that nature would never have given them. Then we try to force them to serve us, but they usually end up trying to eat us and so we have to lock them up. Then they escape and go on murderous killing sprees…"

"So why are we being sacrificed to an elephantine jellyfish?" asked Heiji.

"Because the almighty jellyfish and his pink and yellow seahorse minions demand a human/demon sacrifice!" exclaimed Himizu as she and her three friends started adding herbs and spices to the concoction.

"And what exactly happens when we get sacrificed to the jellyfish?" asked Robin.

"First of all, it's the ALMIGHTY jellyfish," Kitsune told them.

"Okay, so what happens when we get sacrificed to the _almighty_ jellyfish?" Robin asked again.

There was dead silence. A cricket started chirping. Himizu's eyebrow twitched.

"I thought the exterminator got rid of all those crickets…" she growled. She then seized a container of bug spray and strode off. She came back a few seconds later, seized a ten-gallon canister instead of the mere pint she'd been carrying. The Anime characters stared at her. Himizu looked fairly calm, but her words caused widespread panic. "There's a giant cricket over there the size of a lion. This should only take a second!"

"You've got to be kidding!" cried Rachel. "And you're not worried!"

"Why should she be?" asked Ryouko. "We've all had to fight those crickets before. We did an experiment crossing the size gene of a cat with a cricket. The experiment was a success, the crickets all became as large as cats… then they started breeding and the crickets just grew larger and larger… now they're as big as lions. We hired an exterminator, but he ran out of the house screaming as soon as he saw the babies… he didn't even see a full-sized adult. So now we're on a campaign to get rid of these crickets," she finished with a smile.

"But enough distractions!" cried Saru as Himizu returned. "Let us begin the sacrifice!"

At these words, the ferrets surrounded the large cauldron and stopped beating their tom-toms. Instead, they began to circle around the cauldron chanting, "Doom on you! Doom on you! Doom on you!"

Mousse polished his glasses on his sleeve. "Are these things for real?" he asked.

Ranma rolled his eyes. "This is ridiculous!" he exclaimed, hurling a watermelon at the nearest ferret. It bonked off the ferret's head with a loud thud. The other ferrets turned towards the melon. Then they began to jump about shrieking excitedly.

"The melon, the melon, the melon, the melon, the melon!" they squealed, jumping around like hyper four-year old children who had eaten sugar. "The melon, the melon, the melon, the melon, the melon, the melon!" Then all the ferrets started chasing the melon. Saru stamped her foot angrily and threw a hammer at Ranma's head.

"Damn it Ranma! You just completely ruined the dramatic tension!" she yelled. "Damn ferrets… Whoever got them addicted to watermelons ought to be run over by a sports car." A sports car came out of nowhere and ran over Saru. "Oh, that's right! It was me!" She laughed sheepishly. Everyone else face-faulted.

"All right, since our ferrets ran off and there's no point in performing a traditional sacrifice… Would you people like to play a nice… game?" asked Ryouko in a very sinister voice. The Anime characters twitched. O.O

"What kind of… game?" asked Amanuma finally.

"PAC-MAN!" yelled Himizu. .

All the Anime characters fell over.

"Not just any Pac-Man," Kitsune informed them. "Our Pac-Man game is very possibly the most insane thing to ever be patented… with the possible exception of submarines with screen doors!" Everyone else fell over again.

"So you guys can get out of that stupid pot of water and come to the nice elevator," said Saru calmly.

"What elevator?" asked Inuyasha.

Himizu slapped her forehead. "Oh my freaking God! Use your eyes, moron!"

And indeed, not ten paces away, sat a lavish elevator with bright flashing lights and a giant sign saying ELEVATOR in big shiny red letters. Everyone fell over again.

"How are we all going to fit into that elevator?" asked Conan as they approached. The door was barely wide enough for two people to walk into. Ryouko grinned.

"Watch and learn friends. Appearances can be deceiving… and they can kill you… but only some of the time. The rest of the time, they might just main you," she told them. The Anime characters stared at Ryouko like she was a psycho, but the other three girls found that comment hilarious.

The elevator door opened. The Anime character's mouths fell open. The elevator was easily the size of half a football field. Inside were a big-screen TV, a refrigerator, and several couches.

"All this for a thirty-second elevator ride?" asked Touya, lifting an eyebrow.

"Actually, the ride is about an hour because it has to go out of the basement and then it has to take the long way through the mansion because of all the other elevators before it can finally reach the elevator room… So we decided to go for comfort on this trip!" laughed Kitsune.

Everyone nodded in approval at the girl's rare show of wisdom. Then they settled themselves onto various couches and headed to the elevator room en route to the game room.

Himizu-chan: Bwa ha ha! I am finished! And you said I couldn't do it! (Laughs at Saru)

Saru: Yeah, it only took you three weeks!

Himizu-chan: -.-() Keep your comments to yourself, you monkey, or I'll sick the dude with the chainsaw on you. I still think Ryouko is responsible for this.

Saru: (Laughs) She probably is. But she's coming soon, right?

Himizu-chan: She should be here any minute. I have something that she wants very much… Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Saru: -.-; And what would that be?

Himizu-chan: (More maniacal laughter) This. (Pulls up red velvet curtain)

(Hiei is chained up in a small cage behind the curtain)

Hiei: Himizu-chan, I'm going to kill you if you don't let me out of here right now!

Himizu-chan: (Sticks her tongue out at Hiei) In your dreams little man!

Hiei: Grrr… If you hadn't taken my sword, warded my Jagon eye, and chained me up, you would be in a million pieces on the floor right now.

Himizu-chan: Use your head, baka! That's why I did it!"

Saru: -.-() Ryouko is going to be soooo pissed.

Himizu-chan: She's probably found the ransom note by now and should be coming after me… now!

(Loud bangs are heard upstairs, also the sounds of explosions and gunfire)

Ryouko: (Far away, still upstairs) HIMIZU-CHAN, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? I HOPE YOU HAVE YOUR WILL WRITEN! IF YOU DON'T HAVE A TOMBSTONE, THAT'S OKAY, BECAUSE THERE WON'T BE ANYTHING LEFT TO BURY WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIEI! AND HIEI, YOU BAKA, HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO LET HIMIZU-CHAN CAPTURE YOU? YOU WEAKLING!

Hiei: -.-() Is she here to save me or murder me?

Saru: I think I should leave before this gets violent…

* * *

A/N: God, I'm a maniac. Will Ryouko kill Hiei and me! Will there be anyone left to finish this story! And who sent that little dude with the chainsaw anyway…? He's so annoying! -.-# Yeah, in case you can't tell, the whole 'doom on you' and 'the melon, the melon, the melon' are from Ice Age, which I don't own. I do own the almighty jellyfish, the pink and yellow seahorse minions, and the giant crickets. I will gladly lend them out if you want to use them in a fic. Anywho, I'll try to finish the next chapter as quickly as possible. Next chapter, you'll get to see the sweet Pac-Man game that my friends and I invented during one crazy afternoon at lunch! Ja ne!

P.S. If someone could tell me how to make smilies on this thing, I would greatly appreciate that. I've tried everything I can think of, but they just won't show up. Thanks!


	4. The Ultimate PacMan Game

Himizu-chan: As you can see, I am back from San Francisco, and I have finished chapter 4! Go me! Anywho, responses to reviews!

wonderingprophet: I don't control the wombats, it's a disclaimer. Deal with it. Of my mistake, of course you're evil. And like all evil people, the cosmic sheep will someday kill you. Yes, Koga and Youko fighing! Yayness! (Purrs happily) And you've already been run over by a taxi. Get over it. (If anyone else is reading this, the taxi is in my bio page... look there) -.-# Grammar errors? You dare to correct my grammar! How dare you! Deal with it!

Mistress of Hiei Spasms: Everybody loves the singing ferrets... until you hear them sing. They are completely tone-deaf. And they will return later. They're going to escape, I think... (You know, you're the only one that even responded to my plea for help with smilies. For that, I thank you and reward you with a cookie of your choice)

Forbidden Fox: Thanks! I love being applauded and I love making people laugh!My goal in life is being accomplished. As I said to Mistress of Hiei Spasms, there will be more singing ferrets.

AmnarRanma: (Freaking out) Don't hurt me! He'll be fine, I swear! Read and see! Actually, I don't like him that much... he's a good character and all, but you know... Actually, I don't think you do. Anywho, he's fine, I swear! He's just chained up and he'll be released... eventually. (Shifty eyes) Glad you liked the Almighty Jellyfish. I think that was his last appearence, but you never know with me. It's just possible that he'll resurface.

Himizu-chan: I think that's everything! Enjoy this chapter!

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Ultimate Pac-Man Game**

Ryouko: Himizu-chan, where the hell are you?

Himizu-chan: (Peeks up the stairs) Ryouko, is that you?

Ryouko: (Pissed beyond belief) OF COURSE IT'S ME, YOU BIRD-BRAIN! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIEI!

Himizu-chan: (Innocently) I never, he said something about going on vacation in Florida… or maybe it was Hawaii… I really can't remember.

Hiei: Don't listen to her! She's a maniac!

Himizu-chan: Shut up! (Kicks cage)

Ryouko: (-.-#) Give him back, raccoon!

Himizu-chan: NEVER! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

(Little dude with the chainsaw comes up to Ryouko)

Ryouko: (Cracking up) He's still stalking you? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's funny!

Himizu-chan: Wait a second! You didn't send him here to torture me!

Ryouko: Uh uh. Is that what this is about?

Himizu-chan: (Not listening) Well if you didn't do it, who did?

Hiei: Hello? Can you let me out of here yet?

Himizu-chan: Sure, whatever. Here are the keys, Ryouko.

Ryouko: (Evil smile) Well, maybe I'll let Hiei sit in there a while just to teach him not to get caught by psychos like Himizu.

Hiei: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DAMN YOU ALL TO MAKAI AND BACK!

Disclaimer: I still hate making disclaimers. I OWN EVERYTHING, DAMNIT!

Lawyers: Himizu-chan, please step away from the computer and appear in court so that we can present with this bill of $100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.

Himizu-chan: O.O LEAVE ME ALONE! Grr… Fine! All I own are the mansion, the animals, and myself. I don't even own my own OC's, damnit! You think I can pay your monstrous bill? OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT! (Chases lawyers away with a flamethrower)

So after an hour of sitting in the elevator, lounging on couches and drinking soda, the four girls and the Anime characters finally stepped off the elevator. All the Anime characters stared around in shock. The room that they were in was filled with elevators and escalators and three staircases.

"Holy cow!" exclaimed Yahiko. "Where do all these things go!"

"There's an elevator for every room in the house. There are also escalators for quite a few rooms. The three staircases lead to the Grand Hall, the attic, and the basement. But mostly we use them to slide down the banisters and sled or roller-skate down. It's very fun and we've never had any crashes either!" laughed Himizu.

"Okay, now could you all put your jaws back in place and let's all get onto the escalator for the game room. The game room is downstairs in the north wing as you may remember, so let's go!" cried Kitsune, leading the way to an escalator labeled Game Room.

Upon their arrival, the Anime characters were confronted with a gigantic big-screen TV that covered an entire wall. Now the wall was about fifty feet long, so this was one big TV. About sixty or so super-advanced game controllers with keyboards built into them were plugged in to the TV and a large selection of games sat on nearby shelves. The room was a game player's heaven. Amanuma stared in shock.

"This is amazing!" he gasped, timidly fingering the selection of games, most of which even he had never heard of. "Most of these aren't supposed to be out for another twenty years! How did you get these things!"

The girls coughed delicately. "We plead the fifth," Ryouko muttered. Saru then plucked a black game case from the shelves. There was no cover or markings of any kind on it. Saru then slipped the disc into the game player and flipped the TV on.

"This game is one that you will never find in stores. There are only two copies in the whole world and they're both in this house because we made them," she told the Anime characters. "And if either copy goes missing, we will hold you personally responsible. Although you won't be able to play it or copy it because there's an encryption key around it that will take you a few centuries to break. So just leave it alone because that will be less pain for you when we catch up with you," she said with a sweet smile.

After a few seconds, a code bar came up and each girl typed in a sequence of seemingly random letters and numbers. Then dark scary end-of-the-world music started playing. Koga's eyes twitched.

"Are you sure this is safe?" he asked.

"Of course it is. What, do you think the video game is going to come to life and eat you?" asked Ryouko with a laugh. "Now everybody grab a game controller."

Everyone took a controller and on the giant screen in front of them, a giant Pac-Man appeared, waving cheerfully. (In case you haven't figured it out, I'm using the modern Pac-Man that's 3-D with arms and legs.)

"Now you can design your own Pac-Man," Himizu told them. "We added a bunch of features so you can add hair, tails, clothes, whatever you want… within reason." She, Ryouko, Saru, and Kitsune selected saved characters. Kitsune's character wore lots of jewelry, Ryouko's had a braid, Saru's had one green eye and one blue eye along with a ponytail, and Himizu's wore a Blue Jacket's jersey.

After several minutes, a variety of little Pac-Man's had appeared on each of the fifty-plus miniature screens that had suddenly appeared on the big screen. They had animal ears and tails, strange hairstyles such as mullets, curls, and anti-gravity hair, and a variety of clothes of all styles and colors. Conveniently, all the Pac-Man's looked a lot like the people that had created them, although Kurama had chosen to model his Pac-Man after his Youko form rather than his Shuuichi form.

"Now we begin the game!" squealed Himizu.

"Shouldn't we tell them the rules first?" asked Kitsune. Himizu held up a finger, thinking about this.

"Ah… Good point," she said, lowering her hand.

"The object of the game is kinda odd. Basically you run around the world through deserts, rainforests, and ice lands, blah blah blah… The whole time you're trying to find this really cute little stuffed turtle. In the end of the game you give the turtle to the peoples in the Middle East and they're all happy and stop blowing each other up. In the meantime, you're forced to run from a bunch of dudes that are trying to kill you and you complete little missions and help people like Scooby-Doo. And if you complete a certain challenge, you're given hockey sticks and pucks and you can hit people with them. And then there are the bombs, but you have to pick them up and use them fast or they'll blow you up. Did I cover everything?" The Anime characters stared with big eyes. O.O "No questions? Great! Let's start playing!" Kitsune squealed excitedly.

Everyone seized their game controllers and the game began.

* * *

**Inside the game**

They started out in the middle of a desert. A little chibi wolf popped up in front of them.

"Konnichiwa, game players!" the wolf called. "There's a big problem down in Jerusalem. It's an awful mess, there's a huge riot there. Something about the sacred stuffed turtle of peace has gone missing." The wolf looked extremely annoyed that he had been assigned something so silly and insignificant. "I'll lead you there, maybe you can help."

* * *

**Outside the game**

Ryouko immediately hit a button on her controller and typed something in.

* * *

**Inside the game**

Ryouko jumped onto the little wolf, squealing in a perfect imitation of the real Ryouko's voice, "WOLFIE!" The wolf licked her face politely, then wiggled loose.

"Oh, I see you're back, Ryouko. Hello. And hello to you too, Himizu, Kitsune, and Saru. You brought friends this time. Go easy on them."

"Oh sure, wouldn't dream of doing anything else…" snickered Himizu's character, laughing evilly and rubbing its hands together in the exact way the real Himizu was doing right then. Ryouko faced the other players.

"In case you can't tell, anything you say is automatically placed in the game. It's the same with your gestures and facial expressions. And Yusuke, you can stop making faces at me, I can see you since I'm looking at you, moron." Yusuke ducked and averted his eyes.

Amanuma was bouncing around and acting really hyper. "Oh my gosh, this is so awesome!" he cried joyfully. "We're inside a computer game! This is almost like virtual reality!"

"With one oh so minor drawback…" Saru added. The Anime characters stared at her. "You can't be hurt by anything from the game, but if, for example, I decide to hit Kuwabara on the head with my own fist…" She raced over to Kuwabara and whacked him solidly on the head.

* * *

**Outside the game**

Kuwabara yelped in pain and clutched his head.

* * *

**Inside the game**

Saru began to cackle evilly. Kuwabara ran away from Saru. The wolf looked at Kuwabara, then started jogging off in the opposite direction.

"Jerusalem is this way!" he called. "Come on!" A bright red arrow appeared and the Anime characters and the four girls took off after the wolf. Hiei used his super-speed, and was very surprised to see that this was draining his energy. He was even more surprised when he saw the four girls floating after the wolf in weird little floating cars.

"If I may ask… What the hell is that crap?" he exclaimed. The girls laughed.

"Author powers extend to the game too, Hiei-chan," Ryouko told him. He sweatdropped. "But your spirit powers just drain your energy, so don't use them unless you need to. In the meantime…want a lift?" she asked him. He didn't answer, but jumped on behind her. Kitsune dragged Kurama onto her vehicle and Himizu and Saru were currently playing bumper cars. Kitsune glared at them.

"Children! Behave yourselves!" she scolded. The two girls stuck their tongues out at her and kept right on crashing their cars into each other. Ryouko glared at them. "You two need professional help. Now make extra sidecars for your cars so that the other Anime characters don't have to walk. We're not cruel you know."

"That and we don't want to wait around after people lose all their energy and fall asleep and don't wake up until their energy is replenished. Some people take a whole day to regain their energy. And it's really dull to wait around. But we usually don't bother, 'cause we're playing against each other, you know." She shrugged and conjured up a pair of sidecars. Her friends did the same. Each car now had two six-seat cars attached to them. The Anime characters split up and the cars shot off after the wolf, who was waiting politely on a nearby hill. Yahiko, who was riding in Saru's car, leaned back lazily.

"Oh yeah, this beats walking by a mile!" he laughed. Karou glared at him.

"Listen, lazy bum, you sit up straight this minute! And walking isn't that bad."

"Maybe not for a fat ugly girl, but a young handsome guy like me doesn't need to walk!" he proclaimed, sticking his tongue out at Karou. She glared at him, a tic mark appearing above one eye. Kenshin calmly placed a restraining arm on her shoulder.

"Now now, there's no reason to fight… ORO!" he cried as Yahiko and Karou squashed him while clawing each other.

"This will not look good when we enter Jerusalem…" Saru muttered, throwing a rock over her shoulder at the squabblers.

As the group approached Jerusalem, they saw lots of explosions, fires, and screaming people. The missing turtle was obviously causing great distress.

"How can a stuffed turtle keep the peace in this place?" asked Heiji.

"Because we said it could, baka. We made this game you know!" Ryouko reminded the detective.

Kaito peered around carefully. "The graphics of this game are well designed, but it seems to have an unreal quality about it… It defies the laws of the earth."

Himizu looked annoyed. "Will you baka's please get it into your thick heads that we are inside a video game designed by us and we aren't exactly the most rational people in the world, so just shut the heck up and play the game or we'll feed you to the killer plants when we get back!"

Everyone shut up. Himizu nodded in satisfaction, then started randomly yelling at Chuu, who was drinking sake again.

"Damn it Chuu, no alcoholic beverages allowed in the cars! No more sake for you!" She seized the bottle, threw it out of the car, and accidentally hit some random rioting Middle Eastern peoples on the head. She shrugged. "Oops… Oh well." Then she turned and saw Chuu drinking wine. -.-# "That's it. Get out of my car! Out, out, out!" she yelled, throwing him into Saru's car. So Chuu and Yanagisawa switched places, Yana muttering about how he hated video games and always lost.

As the cars landed, they were nearly trampled and set on fire by enraged random peoples. Kitsune grimaced.

"Did we really have to make them so violent?" she asked. "Can't we just go back to the original program and make them a little more peaceful?"

"But it's more fun this way!" protested Saru. "All right everyone, for this part of the game, you have to get from here to the special shrine without getting murdered by rioters. Admittedly, it won't matter if you die because you'll be regenerated and you can continue playing, but you know… So, let's get going!" Then the four girls jumped out of their cars and started running as the cars tipped over, spilling the Anime characters onto the ground. Then the cars flew up into the air and hovered far beyond their reach. At that precise moment, a mob of screaming people came barreling down the street and flattened Kuwabara. A little angel Kuwabara floated up in the air and disappeared. Then Kuwabara stood up, blinked like an owl, then fell over again randomly. Everyone stared in surprise.

Himizu fell over laughing. "Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Kuwabara is such a baka! Come on you lazy peeps, charge!" Waving a sword around, she ran off, yelling like a banshee. Ryouko sweatdropped.

"That child needs a life. Her mind has snapped because she's spent the past two weeks reading articles from nodded. "I think the articles about sex slaves and the article about that insane man that blew up a school because taxes were too high pushed her over the edge."

Himizu came running back and ran in circles around them, still waving her sword. "That foul bastard that murdered almost a hundred children just because he thought taxes were too high, he will die! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Saru whacked her friend on the head. "Take a nap!" she exclaimed. Himizu teetered for a moment, fell over, lay there for a moment, jumped up, and ran off again, still laughing like a maniac. Ten minutes later, they came across her, tied upside down and dangling over a fire as a sacrifice by a mad mob. She smiled brightly.

"Hullo chaps! I found my buddies! They seem to remember the last time we met when I beat them all up with my mallet. They don't seem to recall it nearly as fondly as I do. What a pity," she said, still grinning. "Oh, by the way," she added, noticing that her captors were glaring at Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, Koga, and Youko Kurama, "they hate dogs."

O.O "NOW YOU TELL US!" yelled the four dog demons, running away. The mob chased after them and returned several moments later and tied the foursome upside-down alongside Himizu. They all looked very ticked off.

"Are we allowed to kill them?" asked Youko. Himizu thought about this for a minute.

"Well… ordinarily, I would say yes… but this is way too funny to pass up! So, no."

Sesshoumaru glared at her. "You, ningen, are really annoying me right now."

"Oh good, I was afraid that I wouldn't have any affect on you, since you're such a stoic little puppy all the time…"

"Did you just call me a puppy?" asked Sesshoumaru, sounding very close to strangling her.

"YES SHE DID!" yelled Ryouko and Saru together.

Inuyasha started laughing insanely. Even Koga and Youko were snickering as Himizu grinned like a demented hyena. Sesshoumaru growled and started to draw his sword. (Toukijin? I probably have that wrong, but I've only ever watched three episodes of Inuyasha and he wasn't in any of them. Oh well.) But at that moment, the mob seized him and started pulling him down towards the fire.

"HEY!" yelled Sesshoumaru. "What are you doing to me!"

"Time for you to be sacrificed!" the mob yelled, cackling gleefully. Sesshoumaru tried to fight, but he was bound too tightly. Youko, Koga, and Inuyasha were also lowered down towards the blazing fire.

"Somebody better have a plan to get us out of here…" Koga exclaimed.

* * *

Himizu-chan: Bwa ha ha ha! Cliffie!

Saru: Damn you. And you always take so long to write a chapter.

Himizu-chan: Yeah, yeah, I'll get on it. But first… (Glares at little dude, who is still here)

Ryouko: Why don't you scare him away?

Himizu-chan: You know, that's a good idea.

Hiei: You know what else is a good idea? LETTING ME OUT OF THIS CAGE!

Ryouko: Deal with it, baka.

Himizu-chan: (Not listening to this) Let's see… if I were a psychotic midget dressed in black carrying about a dead chicken, a plastic ax, and a chainsaw, what would I be afraid of? (Thinks for about three seconds) Of course! NOODLES!

(Saru, Ryouko, and Hiei face-fault)

Himizu-chan: (Pulls out bowl of noodles) Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Fear the wrath of the noodles! The noodly noodles of noodly doom are coming to eat you! Fear their noodly wrath!

Little Dude: O.O (Backs slowly away from Himizu-chan)

Himizu-chan: The noodles want to make chicken noodle soup! They demand a chicken sacrifice!

Little Dude: O.O (Continues to back away slowly)

Himizu-chan: Chicken noodle soup is used to kill sick people! The noodles want to stop overpopulation! All worship the mighty noodles!

Little Dude: O.O You scare me…

Himizu-chan: He speaks! Group hug!

Little Dude: O.O (Runs away in panic)

Himizu-chan: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ryouko: (Whacks Himizu-chan on the head) You really need to cut back on your caffeine intake!

A/N: Heh heh. What can I say. Very sorry this took so long, but tragically, the next chapter might take even longer since I'm also working on The Most Random Fanfic Ever… But I'm pleased so far. Let's see… the end conversation, I wrote that in math class… SEE WHAT MATH DOES TO MY BRAIN! The part about that is a real website and I was reading about sex slaves while I wrote this chapter and I knew I shouldn't read it, but I did, and, well, I regret it. I know this game isn't much like Pac-Man right now, but this is the introduction… I'm working on it, I swear! Will Koga, Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, Youko, and myself be sacrificed? Review and you'll find out! Ja ne!


	5. Scooby Doo and Toucans

Himizu-chan: Guess who's back, back again! Hehe, I'm finally updating again. The Most Random Fanfic Ever is keeping me busy, people really seem to love it. But I'm not gonna stop this one.

Anime characters: Please have mercy!

Himizu-chan: I give you free food, what more do you want?

Anime character: FREEDOM!

Himizu-chan: -.- After the fic is over, we'll talk. Now, review responses.

wonderingprophet: (Pissed like hell) If you ever touch my notebook, you will be turned over to the orthodontists. Never correct my grammar again unless you have useful remarks to make. The cosmic sheep are the most evil beings in the universe and will kill everyone someday, even those who are immortal. They will find a way... (Shifty eyes) NO ITSY-BITSY SPIDER SONG! FIEND! (Throws things at wonderingprophet) Don't mention the cursed song! (Twitches)

AmnarRanma: A wolf is a type of dog, therefore Koga is a dog demon. That's my logic. Thank you for being concerned though. I can take on any of those Koga fanpeoples. And I hate to break it to you, but Hiei is not out of the cage yet. I hope you're not planning to use that flamethrower on me! O.O (Hides in flame-proof suit, just in case) If it is me, don't hurt me! He'll be released in this chapter, I swear! But only after... well, let's not spoil the surprise.

Disclaimer: I own the plot. I own the mansion. I own almost every animal in this fic. I don't own Anime characters. I don't own Pac-Man. I think you can figure out most everything else for yourself.

**Chapter 5: Scooby-Doo and Toucans**

Himizu-chan: X.X (Still unconscious)

Ryouko: Damn. Now she can't write.

Saru: It wouldn't matter. She has no ideas.

Hiei: Can we kill her?

Ryouko: All in good time, Hiei.

Hiei: Damn… Then can you let me out of the cage?

Ryouko: No.

Hiei: I hate you.

Ryouko: Good. (Sticks tongue out at him)

Saru: (Pulls out a deck chair and a glass of lemonade) This could be a while.

(Three weeks later)

Saru: What do you mean Himizu has no more lemonade!

Ryouko: (Sarcastically) Yeah, you only drank about fifty billion glasses. Got any threes, Hiei?

Hiei: Go fish.

Ryouko: Damn you. I hate this game.

Hiei: (Smirks) I'm becoming rather fond of it.

Ryouko: (Grumbling) It's a good thing we're not playing Strip Go Fish.

Himizu-chan: THE COSMIC SHEEP ARE COMING! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Ryouko, Hiei, and Saru: WAHH! (Anime fall)

Himizu-chan: Heh heh… I'm back everyone… and filled with fresh new ideas! (Starts typing busily)

Saru: Medic… (Gasp)

Ryouko: Oh… my… God…

Hiei: I think I just had a heart attack…

* * *

Saru smiled. "As a matter of fact, I do." 

Himizu rolled her eyes. "Well, that'll be a first." Saru glared viciously, but Himizu had started singing I Just Wanna Live by Good Charlotte, rather tunelessly, and was completely oblivious.

Saru rolled her eyes. "As I was saying, I have a plan to rescue you guys!"

"Hooray!" yelled Inuyasha. "Now do it!"

"Patience is a virtue for everyone except me," Saru told him, strolling to the back of the crowd. She walked forward again, holding Koto by her ears. The mob saw the cat demon and went nuts.

"GET THE CAT!" they yelled. Koto shrieked in terror and fled. Chuu, who was drunk again, heard the commotion and stood up rather shakily.

"Dun worry shelia… (Hic) I'll be savin' ye…" He stood up and passed out.

Kitsune sighed. "At least he tries…" she muttered, averting her eyes.

Ryouko snickered. "Oh, he tries all right. He tries to get her to go out on a date! That's all he wants." She poured water on Chuu's head. He shook his head and then he stood up, remembering his original mission, and charged off after Koto. He returned with Koto in his arms, laughing aloud.

"They weren't so tough! I cracked their heads like a bunch of nuts! Har har har!"

Himizu sighed. "At least the drunken lovesick Aussie is good for something… Now how about somebody letting us loose?"

Kitsune ran forward and untied Youko and Koga. Ryouko untied Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha. Himizu waited, but no one came to help her. "Hello? Still here people. You might wanna untie me or I'll make your lives really miserable!" Everyone ignored her. She scowled. "Jeeze peeps. Come on." Miroku started towards her. She treated him with a death glare. "Anyone besides the perverted monk?" Miroku hesitated, but no one else came forward to help. He started forward again and Himizu promptly snapped her fingers. The ropes unwound and released her. She turned a somersault and landed in front of Miroku, then slapped his face. The dog demons glared at her.

"You mean you could have done this at the beginning and saved us the embarrassment?" asked Youko angrily.

Himizu nodded, flashing an Anime peace sign. "That's what I do best, making people suffer!"

She was about to suffer a most painful and bloody death, but at that lucky moment, the Middle Eastern leaders came running up to them.

"Thank goodness! You're here! You must find the Sacred Stuffed Turtle of Peace! Before these countries are destroyed!" They fell to the ground, weeping pitifully. Sango stared.

"You're kidding, right? These are the rulers of these countries? They actually believe in the powers of that turtle?" she asked.

"Shush!" Rachel exclaimed. "We don't want to offend them!" She turned to the leaders. "We'll help you!" she declared. The leaders prostrated themselves and wept. Then they pointed north.

"The thieves went that way!" they cried.

"Let's go!" yelled Ryoga, running off south. Everyone stared, then went on north. After a while, Ryoga realized that he was running alone and finally caught up. As they ran, cans of Mountain Dew appeared in front of them. Himizu ran forward, grabbed a can, and chugged it. Immediately, a tiny thermometer, similar to the one that measured her health, appeared. It was labeled "Caffeine". Kitsune gave the Anime characters a piece of advice.

"Don't allow the thermometer to break or overflow, the results will not be pretty," she warned them. As if to bring the point home, Himizu, who had promptly drank every can she could reach, suddenly came cart-wheeling past, laughing insanely and singing Mambo Italiano '98 by Flabby at the top of her lungs. The characters twitched.

"You can't avoid them either. It's like the pills in Pac-Man, but we don't encourage drug abuse, so we put in Mountain Dew, which is probably just as bad, but whatever," Ryouko put in.

As the characters absorbed this, a giant brown Great Dane came running over, yelling frantically.

"Rooby Racks! Rere rare ry Rooby Racks?" he barked frantically. Ryouko and Himizu simultaneously squealed and tackled the giant dog.

"SSCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYY!" they bellowed. Scooby licked their faces.

"Ro rou rave Rooby Racks?" he asked, wagging his tail hopefully.

"What will you trade if we get some for you?" Ryouko asked. Scooby thought about this.

"Ra randwich?" he asked. Kitsune rolled her eyes and tapped her foot impatiently.

"Come on Scooby, we know you have something better than that," she said.

Scooby smiled. "Ra rue?" The Anime characters looked blank, but Saru looked pleased.

"Good old Scooby, he always has a clue for us!" she exclaimed.

"Well we did design him that way…" Ryouko muttered. Then she conjured up a box of Scooby Snacks. Scooby reached for them, but she held out her hand, waiting for the clue. He rolled his eyes, then handed her a leaf. She gave him the snacks and he ran off, barking his thanks.

"Usually, we would conjure up some books or something to figure out what he means with his clues, but we'll just give it to the botanist," Himizu said, taking the leaf from Ryouko and holding it in front of Youko. He took the leaf, sniffed it experimentally, then nodded.

"I know what this is. It's from the ningen world. It's a eucalyptus leaf, it grows in Australian rainforests."

"I wondered why it smelled like cough drops," Himizu muttered, nibbling the tip of the leaf. "Hey, it tastes like cough drops! No wonder koalas like this so much!" she exclaimed, still chewing the leaf. (Remember, I wrote Chapter 2 while I was high on cough drops.) Everyone sweatdropped, except for Ryouko, Kitsune, and Saru since they were used to Himizu's obsession with cough drops.

"Um… okay… let's just go… How far is it to Australia anyway?" asked Ranma.

"It's about ten minutes that way," Kitsune replied promptly, pointing to the north.

"How do you know?" demanded Kuno.

"Well, for one thing, you can get anywhere in this game in ten minutes or less, otherwise we would never get anywhere. And I know that's the direction because there's a giant arrow pointing in that direction. Oh yeah, and you guys will want to grab a few Mountain Dews. Like Ryouko said, it does help you. Just use caution, unlike Himizu."

Everyone grabbed a few Mountain Dews and then the nice little flying cars came back and everyone jumped in. They landed in an Australian rainforest only minutes later. As soon as they were ten feet from the ground, the girls jumped out and they ran over to the trees and started hugging the adorable kangaroos and koalas. Saru scooped up a young one.

"You know, this reminds me… did we ever get those new koalas and pandas for our security team?"

Kitsune thought about this. "I think so… Himizu should have the records."

Himizu quickly conjured up a giant file folder. "This is every piece of mail we received this month, not counting threatening letters. Lemme see… we got the new squirrels… the Jell-O… the melons… yes, we did get some new young pandas and koalas, we got them three days ago. General Scooter is training them as we speak. We can review their progress after the game." She glanced up to see the Anime characters looking at her with huge horrified eyes. "What? We need some sort of security around our mansion and we don't trust demons or humans with such a dangerous and delicate job. They're very smart and very adept at handling giant guns, bombs, and other similar weapons." Himizu nodded calmly as though this was something that everybody should know and should be considered perfectly rational.

Everyone twitched. Then they continued walking through the forest. Himizu, Ryouko, Kitsune, and Saru scanned the trees with fanatical persistence. Akane could not take the suspense.

"What are you guys looking for?" she asked at last.

"A toucan!" chorused the girls together.

"But…toucans don't live in Australia…" Kaito pointed out.

"Shut up!" they yelled at him. He cringed. Then they stared at the trees again. Kitsune suddenly spotted something.

"There! In that tree on the left! GET HIM!"

The girls charged off into the forest. A moment later, all four of them had climbed the tree and were attacking the tree. Then Saru emerged, fell out of the tree, jumped up, and ran off screaming, "WE GOT THEIR FROOT LOOPS! WE GOT THEIR FROOT LOOPS!" Himizu, Ryouko, and Kitsune shimmied down and fled. Several giant toucans came flying out, screeching in rage. The toucans seized coconuts in their beaks and attempted to drop them on the bandits. The girls responded by hurling fruit back at the aggressive birds.

"I didn't think toucans lived in Australia…" Yangisawa exclaimed.

"And I didn't think coconuts grew here either. Are you sure we're in Australia?" asked Rachel.

Conan walked around a bit. "It appears that we are, I see all the sorts of plants that one would expect to find living in Australian rainforests… and yet, it seems that there are other animals and plants that could only be found in rainforests in Central and South America…"

"Those girls are either insane or stupid," Kuwabara declared. A ripe mango bounced off his head.

"Shut your yap bucko! There's plenty more where that came from!" Ryouko yelled.

Sesshoumaru was about to make a smart reply, but another mango from an entirely different direction came flying in and bouncing off the crescent-shaped thing on his forehead. They spotted Himizu bouncing through the bushes on a pogo stick.

"Oh, well shot Himizu! Two points for the excellent shot! Will she be two for two?" She hurled another mango, which smacked Kuno and wedged itself on his head. "And she does! The crowd goes wild!" At that moment, a toucan landed on her head and started pecking her head. Himizu ignored this for a moment and bounced over to Juri. "Here Juri. Have a bird," she said with a sweet smile. The toucan proceeded to peck Juri, who started screaming bloody murder.

Jin gave a yelp of surprise as a coconut passed just over his head, only stopping after whacking Koenma on the head. Saru came bouncing out on another pogo stick. She was cackling like a mad person, but she always does that, so she aroused no concern. She was still clutching the Froot Loops. Kitsune also came out with a supply of mangos. She waved for them to be quiet, then dodged as Kuno dashed by, yelling in panic and unable to see because there was a mango covering his head.

The toucans were flying around, squawking in panic. Kitsune held up the box of Froot Loops to show that they were unharmed, then acted as though she were about to eat them. The toucans yelled for her to stop. She laughed.

"Are you feathered fowl ready to parley?" she asked them. They stopped their panicked cries and landed on a nearby tree to listen. "We'll give you your Froot Loops for two things. One, we need information about the thieves of the stuffed turtle."

One of the toucans flew forward. "I saw them. They went east about an hour ago. Their trail is just beyond our forest." His wing pointed in the direction. Kitsune nodded.

"And secondly, give up the stuff!"

The toucans exchanged nervous glances. "The stuff? What stuff?" asked the head toucan nervously.

"Oh don't give us that crap!" exclaimed Ryouko. "Give us the stuff!"

"Really, we have nothing! We're only a poor family of toucans! All we have are our Froot Loops! Please give them back."

Yukina felt sorry for them. "Won't you four stop being so heartless! They have nothing! You heard them!"

Saru shook her head sadly. "Yukina, you're too innocent. These toucans are absolutely vicious. They love their Froot Loops, but they have something else that we want. Don't feel bad for them. They would eat us alive if we let them. The scourges of the rainforest, that's them."

"Toucans don't act like that!" exclaimed Heiji.

"They do in this game!" Ryouko exclaimed, somewhat peeved.

The toucans had gone into a hasty conference. Their harsh cries gave away how nervous they were. Himizu tapped her foot impatiently.

"I hate these birds. Every time we play, they spend forever talking and screeching."

An hour later, the birds still hadn't made up their minds. Kitsune was looking really bored, Ryouko had fallen asleep, Himizu had developed a large tic mark, and Saru had bounced off on her pogo stick to chase random birds with her mangos. Finally the toucans came forward with their decision.

"We will not give up anything else. If you continue to withhold out Froot Loops, you will be killed, all of you," the toucan leader informed them as the other toucans took up battle positions.

"They have nothing, eh?" Ryouko asked Yukina. "Then why are they so willing to fight us?"

Himizu snapped. "I'm sick of this!" she yelled. She seized her pogo stick and bounced straight into the toucan's tree. She emerged moments later with a bundle of giant hockey sticks and a bucket of hockey pucks balanced on one arm and another hockey stick clutched in her other hand. She then dropped her bundle of stick and her bucket of pucks and proceeded to whack the toucans on the head viciously. "Stupid indecisive cowardly bird-scum!" she shrieked, feathers flying around her as the toucans scrambled to get away. Saru came charging in to join the fun, and Ryouko also seized a hockey stick. Kitsune passed out sticks to everyone else that wanted them.

Fifteen minutes later, the group was walking out of the woods, leaving behind some very freaked-out toucans. Himizu skipped ahead, singing Shut Up by Simple Plan at the top of her lungs. Ryouko explained the significance of the sticks that Himizu had stolen from the toucans to the Anime characters.

"These sticks and pucks are the best weapons you can have here. It's the only thing besides the bombs that can kill anyone in this game. But the bombs can kill you too and you have to be a perfect idiot to kill yourself with these things…"

Kuwabara and Yusuke swung their sticks wildly around and somehow managed to hit themselves on the head. They both fell over and a little Kuwabara angel and a little Yusuke devil flew up into the air. Then the two boys got up again. Ryouko shook her head.

"Like I said…" she muttered, looking amused and annoyed at the same time.

Himizu-chan: Not a cliffie this time, but, for fear of death, I have updated.

Saru: Good girl… (Puts away instruments of death)

Hiei: Can you guys let me out of the cage NOW?

Ryouko: (Considers this) Well… if you promise not to let Himizu-chan capture you any more and if you let me win a game of Go Fish.

Hiei: Do I have to?

Ryouko: (Nod nod) Yes.

Hiei: -.-# I hate you.

Ryouko: I'm waiting…

Hiei: FINE! Deal the stupid cards already! Humph.

Ryouko: Thank you. (Deals cards)

(Ten minutes later)

Ryouko: OH YEAH! I WIN! WHO BAD! WHO BAD! I BAD! I BAD!

Hiei: Shaddup. -.-#

Himizu-chan: 1. That is bad grammar. 2. He let you win so you'll let him out of the cage.

Ryouko: Shut up. I'm trying to enjoy my victory here!

Saru: What weird friends I have…

Himizu-chan: You don't know the half of it.

Saru: I don't want to know.

Ryouko: (Opens cage) Ok, Hiei, you're free.

Hiei: FINALLY! (Jumps out of cage and tackles Himizu-chan) You little rat! How dare you lock me in that cage!

Himizu-chan: You deserved it. (Hits Hiei on the head with a mallet)

Hiei: Ow! Grr…

Himizu-chan: I probably shouldn't have done that…

Hiei: You shall now die. (Attacks Himizu-chan)

(Himizu-chan and Hiei fighting)

Ryouko: Oh boy…

Saru: This could take a while…

* * *

A/N: I don't own Froot Loops, Scooby-Doo, or any of the songs I was singing. I'll try to update fast. Will Hiei kill me? I doubt it. Read and review!Ja ne! 


	6. Penguins and Wings

**Chapter 6: Penguins and Wings**

Saru: (Eating popcorn and watching Himizu-chan and Hiei fight) How long have they been fighting?

Ryouko: Well… it's hard to say… my watch ran out of batteries after only nine hours…

Hiei: YOU SHALL DIE YOU SPAWN OF SATAN!

Himizu-chan: (Pissed like hell) You're getting really close to the breaking point…

Ryouko: O.O Hiei, you better stop…

Saru: Why, what's the breaking point?

Ryouko: (Hides in bomb shelter) Trust me, it's not pretty… She goes demonic… and gets nukes…

Saru: O.O Move over! (Hides in bomb shelter as well)

Hiei: YOU'RE A WITCH! YOU'RE A FREAK! YOU'RE A CLOWN AND YOUR STORIES SUCK!

Himizu-chan: … Did you just call me a clown? (Grinding teeth and narrowing eyes)

Hiei: Yes I did.

Himizu-chan: And did you say that my stories suck? (Still grinding teeth, eyes turning golden and red and flashing like fire)

Hiei: (Finally figuring out that maybe that wasn't such a good idea) Um… Sorry?

Himizu-chan: (Suddenly starts glowing and acting a lot like Battousai with a whip appearing in her left hand and a nuke in her right hand) It's too late for apologies. No one… I repeat… no one has called me a clown or insulted my writing and lived unless I feel that they will serve another purpose. (Suddenly smiles in a very sinister way) Now you will learn my true power that I have drawn from my computer and from my Mountain Dews, along with the power of dolphins and foxes! (Is suddenly wearing a black tank top and black shorts with tall black high-heeled boots that come up to her knees) You shall now suffer my wrath!

Hiei: O.O Meep!

Saru: (Whispering) Why does she hate clowns so much?

Ryouko: (Whispering back) She says that they're demonic beings that are out to kidnap small children, have sex with our mothers, and generally possess everyone on earth and kill us all… but she is usually drinking Mountain Dew when she talks about this.

Himizu-chan: FACE MY ALMIGHTY AUTHORESS WRATH!

Disclaimer: The authoress is about to kick Hiei's ass… Do you think she has time for a disclaimer? And do we really need one anymore? (Lawyers glare) -.-# Don't you have some poor helpless mentally deficient widowed old ladies to sue, you blood-sucking lawyers! Scat! (Whips out trusty flamethrower given by Blackfire Kitsune)

I'm bad. Now, review responses.

wonderingprophet: NO SINGING! You shall die a slow and painful death. Hooray for Mountain Dew, Scooby Doo, and Froot Loops! And I do not fear the Mountain Dew induced wrath. But I will update soon.

AmnarRanma: Oh dear... I am really arousing your wrath, aren't I? I can't help it. It's fun to make fun of Hiei. After you're done reading this chapter, please don't hurt me! And I shall update as soon as I write the next chapter.

Mistress of Hiei Spasms: Yes, hooray for Scooby! Thanks for the compliment! And, as I have said, I will update as soon as I can.

Blackfire Kitsune: O.o Huh? I'm sorry, but I've never heard of that song in my life, although I do like George Strait (That's who sings it, not Garth Brooks, whom I like as well, but not the point). Maybe if you told me where you saw the bridge thing, I'd get it, but right now I'm confused. Oh well. Yes, the Cosmic Sheep are evil. They have shown up in The Most Random Fanfic Ever, so if you want to see the Cosmic Sheep get their butts kicked by Kurama and Hiei, I recommend you read that. Thanks for the flame thrower! Yusuke blew up my other one. T.T So it'sa good thing you gave it to me. Note the disclaimer.

Thanks for the reviews everyone, not without further ado, Chapter 6!

* * *

When we last left the gang, they were continuing their march after the horrible villains who stole the stuffed turtle of peace. Nothing much happened, so we'll skip ahead. They were attacked by random raccoons, prairie dogs, giraffes, and hummingbirds. The Anime characters and the four girls whacked out viciously with their hockey sticks and pucks. Just when it seemed that they were doomed and would perish at the sadistic paws of General Ringo the vicious raccoon leader, a bunch of bombs appeared and the girls gave a quick visual demonstration. Then Kuno demonstrated his intelligence by picking up one of the bombs and poking it repeatedly and so it blew up in his face after about ten seconds. But other than that, nothing happened. It was very boring. 

But now they were in Antarctica! How they managed to get to Antarctica by heading east from Australia, the world will never know. But they managed it. And now they were freezing their butts off because none of them had thought to bring coats. Well, most of them were freezing. Hiei was fine because his firepowers counteracted the cold. Touya and Yukina were fine because they are ice demons. And Himizu was fine because she is immune to cold and there are suspicions that she has ice water for blood, but she denies that. She was running around scaring the penguins.

"Himizu, leave the penguins alone! Let's find the damn turtle and get out of here!" Ryouko yelled. She was freezing and slightly pissed off. "I should never have let you design Antarctica!"

"You would have filled it with cactuses and taught the penguins how to ride dirt bikes! That's not Antarctica!" Himizu replied.

"Well, I don't think snowboarding penguins is Antarctica either!" Ryouko replied, jumping aside to avoid a bunch of snowboarding penguins.

"But they're so cute!" cried Himizu, hugging the penguins. At that moment, three of the penguins seized Karou, Rachel, Akane, Shampoo, Botan, and Keiko and ran away. Everyone stared, then Kenshin, Conan, Ranma, Kuno, Ryoga, Mousse, and Yusuke started to follow them. They were snatched and pulled back by the girls.

"What are you doing! You're letting them get away with Keiko!" cried Yusuke.

"Patience, grasshopper," Saru said calmly. "Everything will be all right."

"How do you know!" he asked.

"Because I helped design the game."

"How is that supposed to comfort us!" cried Mousse.

"Feh. I feel sorrier for the penguins. Once the girls get over their shock…" Kitsune trailed off as the penguins began screeching in panic. Everyone stared.

"You see, the penguins that attempted to kidnap our friends aren't very bright. They're the ones that stole the stuffed turtle and they have no brains to speak of, so they can't recognize weak ones. They go by appearances, but they can be deceiving." Himizu cackled insanely.

"Hiei, would you please go and make sure that the girls bring back the stuffed turtle?" asked Ryouko.

"No. Leave me alone," he growled. "This is completely pointless." Behind him, Raven nodded in agreement. Ryouko's eyes narrowed.

"Hiei, I will personally bar you from our stock of ice cream unless you do what I told you… right now," she threatened.

Hiei twitched. "No more sweet snow?"

"No more sweet snow," Ryouko said firmly. Hiei took off and was back a moment later with the stuffed turtle clasped in one hand. Saru took it from him and passed it to Kitsune, who wrapped it up and slipped it into her pocket. A few moments later, the girls came back. All of them were fuming.

"The nerve of those penguins," hissed Karou. She put away her wooden sword, still looking distinctly pissed off.

"You said it," Rachel exclaimed. "They weren't even that tough. I dispatched one with just two karate moves."

Akane nodded, cracking her knuckles. "I could have been as inexperienced as Kasumi and still would have been able to beat them."

Shampoo sniffed. "Bad birds, try to take Shampoo away from beloved Ranma. Shampoo show them special Chinese martial art attacks."

Botan tucked her oar away. "They were so pitiful, I can hardly believe that they were the wretches that managed to steal the stuffed turtle."

Keiko laughed. "The people that they stole the turtle from were even worse in my opinion." She rubbed her hand, which looked as though it had slapped many a penguin face.

Everyone shrugged and headed back to the Middle East, leaving behind a bunch of traumatized penguins. When they arrived, they were worshipped as heroes and given a feather. Then they were shoved forcibly into Germany. Ryouko looked pissed off.

"Why Germany! Damned ungrateful bastards!"

"Are there any Nazi's in this game?" asked Youko.

"Nope!" declared Saru. At that moment, a giant bomb with a Nazi swastika on it flew into Ryouko's arms. She cursed and threw it into the air, where it exploded and sent the Nazi swastika spiraling into the air as a column of smoke.

"Why do they always find me! Why!" Ryouko yelled, stamping her foot in rage. "Damn them!"

"You can't damn the Nazi's, they've already been damned. We could bring Hitler back to life and kill him though," suggested Himizu.

At that moment, a giant Nazi tank appeared and Hitler stood up in it. "Jews are bad! Jews should be exterminated! You are a Jew," he added, pointing at Ryouko. "You shall be exterminated! Come with me to my death camps!"

Ryouko suddenly smiled a very creepy evil smile. She marched forward, seized Hitler, and then proceeded to beat the crap out of him.

**The next scene contains graphic violence involving Hitler being brutally tortured. For your pleasure, we have omitted this scene and are providing you with quality static to watch. Enjoy!**

Static. In the background, you can hear Hitler screaming and swearing in German and Ryouko yelling things about Hitler dying and him being a spawn of hell

**And now back to our feature presentation**

Hitler resembled a pretzel and was hanging from a tree branch. Ryouko was going through his pockets and stealing his money and valuables and setting everything with the Nazi swastika on it on fire. Himizu frowned, then walked up and started poking Hitler.

"Stupid computer glitches…" she muttered, still poking.

"Anyway!" Saru exclaimed, "Youko, what do you know about this feather?"

Youko took the feather. "What do you want to know about it?" he asked.

"What kind of bird it came from and where that bird lives," Kitsune replied promptly. Youko Kurama shrugged.

"It's a cassowary feather," he said at last. "It lives in New Guinea."

"Damn!" all the girls chorused together.

"I thought we finished the mission… Can't we leave?" asked Heiji.

"The only way to leave is to get the wings…" said Himizu with an annoyed sigh. "Ryouko, leave your friend there. The monkeys will find it soon enough."

"I resent that!" exclaimed Saru. (FYI, Saru means monkey)

Finally, they all ended up in New Guinea. The girls had their hockey sticks drawn and were moving with the utmost caution. When Juri stepped on a twig, all four girls jumped a mile and hid in a tree. Finally, Kitsune held up her hand for them to halt. Then she pulled out the feather and waved it in the Anime character's faces as she instructed them.

"Okay," she whispered. "We're in cassowary territory. We're going for a cantaloupe. Be extremely careful while searching. If a cassowary finds you, run up the nearest tree and stay there. Don't scream, you might attract other cassowaries. These birds are even more dangerous than the toucans. Any questions?" she asked, still waving the feather. Everyone shook their heads. But then the feather brushed Jin's nose.

"A---a---achoo!" he sneezed. A horrible screeching rent the air.

"Crap! Run!" screamed Kitsune, scrambling up a nearby tree. Everyone followed her lead. But while several of the guys were still on the ground, a flock of cassowaries came racing in. They were frightening looking birds that could run very fast and were carrying long deadly looking swords in their beaks.

"Keep your eyes peeled for the cantaloupe!" Ryouko yelled. "We have to find it if we want to get out of here!"

"That," said Robin, "is the best news I've heard all day." There was a murmur of agreement from the surrounding trees. Himizu slapped her forehead.

"Strewth, methinks all around me barring me good friends be fools and imbeciles!" she exclaimed. "Yon cassowaries respond to th' noise coming out o' thy mouths, so why can't thee shut thy mouths and give yon foul fowl a taste o' thy hockey sticks!"

Ryouko slapped her own forehead. "Cripes, Himizu! What's up with the Shakespearean dialect!" she exclaimed.

"You know, I have no idea. It just kinda came over me…" she replied with a shrug. Everyone slapped their foreheads.

The angry cassowaries were now throwing various fruits and rocks up into the trees. Kitsune spotted the cantaloupe flying through the air.

"There's the cantaloupe! Somebody, catch it!" she cried. Kenshin made a running dive, and stretched out to catch it. It missed his outstretched hands and bounced off his head.

"Oorrrooo…" he exclaimed, getting swirly eyes. The cantaloupe flew into the air again, and landed in Sanosuke's outstretched hands.

"Retreat!" Saru yelled. "Quick, everybody, let's get out of here!"

Everyone fled the wrath of the cassowaries and ended up somewhere in China. Only then did they dare to open the cantaloupe. Out fell exactly 5200 cans of Mountain Dew, enough for each person to drink 100 cans.

"Why are there so many cans?" asked Conan practically.

"Because we all need to drink 100 cans," Himizu replied, as though this were perfectly obvious.

"And why do we each need to drink 100 cans?" asked Robin.

"So we can get our wings," replied Ryouko. "Now shut up and drink."

Himizu, Ryouko, and Saru all chugged their Mountain Dew. Simultaneously, they threw up their hands and yelled "WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!" All of a sudden, a pair of California condor wings burst out of each girl's backs, near the shoulders. The Anime characters fell over, and stared in shock.

Kitsune shook her head. "If you want to get out of here, drink the Mountain Dew," she said firmly. She drank hers and she also sprouted a pair of California condor wings.

"That doesn't look so bad…" said Kurama slowly. He bravely drank all 100 of his cans and promptly sprouted a pair of bat wings. Hiei drank his and sprouted a pair of dragon wings. As they drank, a giant portal appeared in the sky. Then the girls spread their wings and flew up into the air. Kurama and Hiei followed, and they were followed by Mitari with eagle wings, Heiji and Rachel with owl wings, Sango with golden eagle wings, Hagari with vulture wings, Cyborg with airplane wings, Starfire with red-tailed hawk wings, Botan and Yukina with swan wings, Raven with raven wings, Shizuru with falcon wings, Kido with curlew wings, and Yana with cuckoo wings.

Beast Boy spiraled past them. He had been turned into a model airplane. He buzzed around the girl's faces, obviously furious. Himizu glared at him.

"Chill out. You'll be back to your normal self as soon as we get out of here. Settle down and get out of my face!"

After a few tries, Amanuma came flying up with sparrow wings, Koto with parrot wings, Touya and Jin with turtle dove wings, Conan with canary wings, Karou with duck wings, and Inuyasha with pigeon wings.

"This reminds me of the pigeon from hell…" he growled, looking pissed off.

"No da. That was kinda the point," Ryouko informed him. He growled murderously at her.

Juri came flying up as well, her long ears covered with feathers. Sanosuke had the wings of a rooster.

"This is degrading…" he mumbled. Himizu reached out and patted his head kindly.

"Oh, Sano, you look so sweet with those wings. And it fits with your hair, rooster head!" She laughed at his face and spiraled out of his reach easily on her long mobile wings.

Kenshin came flying up with long pink flamingo wings. "Sessha does not like this color," he muttered.

"Really? I thought it matched rather well…" exclaimed Kitsune, looking in confusion at his long "fuchsia" robe.

Ogre came flying laboriously along, with the tiny wings of a blue jay on his back. Robin was in similar difficulties, having the wings of a robin. Kaito had the "wings" of a flying fish (?) and Genkai had the "wings" of a flying squirrel.

"What is this, you young nitwits!" demanded Genkai.

"Well, we never said they were going to be bird's wings. Observe what's happening down there," Saru said, pointing down at the ground.

Yusuke and Keiko had each sprouted a single bald eagle wing. Ranma and Akane had each sprouted a single magpie wing. They were fighting furiously. Ryouko cackled at them.

"If you guys wanna get out of here, you better cooperate, cuz none of you are getting out on your own… but if you pair up… HINT HINT!" she yelled at them.

Ranma and Akane looked at each other, Yusuke and Keiko looked at each other. Then Yusuke and Keiko shrugged and grabbed onto each other around the waist and started flapping. After a moment or two, they were flying as easily as anyone else hovering in the sky above. Ranma and Akane looked at each other.

"Well…" Ranma said slowly. Akane stared at him. "Aw, what the heck! Come on, let's go!" he exclaimed, grabbing her around the waist. She grabbed him and they flew up with ease. The girls applauded.

"Muy bien!" cried Ryouko.

"Stubborn jackasses…" muttered Himizu. "About time you got with the program." Ranma glared at her. Then everyone turned their attention back down to the ground.

Chuu had sprouted the wings of a chicken. He was staggering around drunkenly. Ryouko gripped a baseball bat.

"DIE CHICKEN!" she shrieked, swooping down and trying to hit Chuu. Somehow though, his drunken lurching always managed to get him away from her bat seconds before impact. Himizu and Saru swooped down and dragged her away.

"Come on, settle down girl. I know you love to kill chickens, but wait until you get home… then smash your mom's collection. But Chuu is our guest… albeit the fact that I'm seriously about to beat him senseless if he even thinks about taking another drink from that wine bottle or any other alcoholic beverage he has concealed on his person," growled Himizu, glaring at the Aussie.

"I wanna help!" cried Ryouko.

"Me too!" exclaimed Saru.

"We shall, don't worry. I have a feeling that this is like telling a gambler to stay out of casinos. He'll never make it," Himizu said with a laugh.

Everyone focused back on the ground again. Kuno and Ryoga had the wings of hummingbirds and they were buzzing along through the grass, unable to get their tiny wings to lift their tall broad forms. Yahiko was struggling with cicada wings, and Rinku with bumblebee wings. Megumi had bizarre looking grasshopper wings, which were buzzing strangely. Koga and Sesshoumaru struggled with giant awkward ostrich wings and Koenma had ungainly emu wings. (Keep in mind ostriches and emus can't fly.) Shampoo was hopping around flapping frantically with penguin wings. (Penguins can't fly either.) Kuwabara was trying to fly with tiny little ladybug wings, which were by no means big enough to support his giant body. Mousse was swearing rather viciously at them.

"YOU GAVE ME ANTLERS, YOU BAKAS! DAMN IT, HOW DO I FLY WITH ANTLERS!" he yelled.

"Oh, whoops!" exclaimed Kitsune. "Sorry Mousse… you know, Mousse… moose… we got mixed up. Here." A pair of mockingbird wings appeared on Mousse and he was able to fly. Then she gave larger wings to those still struggling. Then everyone started flying upwards, but were halted by shouts of rage from below.

"HEY! WE DIDN'T GET ANY WINGS!" yelled Miroku and Richard.

"Oh dear. Our mistake…" Saru said sarcastically. Aside to her friends, she stage-whispered, "Darn it, our plan failed!"

"Well, if at first you don't succeed, try try again," Himizu stated philosophically.

"Especially when it comes to getting rid of an idiot detective and a perverted monk!" Ryouko added.

"You guys are mean," Kitsune told them, giving wings to Miroku and Richard. Then everyone flew up into the sky and out the portal back into the mansion and the fifth dimension.

Outside the game

Amanuma was the first to jump up.

"That was so awesome!" he yelled, bouncing around excitedly. "Can we do it again, please, please, please, pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!"

The four girls stared in surprise at the Anime characters. All 48 Anime characters were jumping up and down, running around, and screaming and shouting like lunatics. The 100 cans of Mountain Dew had finally kicked in and they were hyper… hyper being an understatement. Maybe mega-super-incredibly-horribly-frighteningly-terrifyingly-bouncingoffthewallsandscaringeveryone-qualyifyingforamentalhospital-hypernes might be slightly more accurate. The girls looked around.

"Why aren't we hyper too?" whined Ryouko.

"Probably because since they're from a TV world and the computer and the TV are kinda linked… it's virtual to us, but closer to reality for them," suggested Kitsune.

"Whatever the reason, we must become hyper as well!" declared Himizu. "BUTLER!"

A robot servant entered bearing a large tray with 400 cans of Mountain Dew. The girls each chugged 100 cans and then they joined in the hyper bouncing, running, and yelling. Then Saru had an idea.

"Let's go watch movies!" she yelled.

"YAY!" everyone cheered and they all charged back onto the escalator to the elevator room and then onto an elevator leading to the theater, totally excited for what was ahead, little realizing what was about to happen to them.

* * *

Himizu-chan: BWA HA HA HA! FEEL MY WRATH! (Starts blowing things up) 

Saru: Oh dear… I feel a draft.

Ryouko: Her mom won't be pleased.

Himizu-chan: Child, my mom doesn't even know this place exists. It's completely soundproof and resistant to anything.

Hiei: … Must…escape… NOO!

Himizu-chan: (Laughing like a maniac) NOW YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR INSULTS, MORTAL!

Ryouko: Oh dear…

Saru: I think she ran out of Mountain Dew.

Himizu-chan: THINK AGAIN! (Throws bombs at Hiei) My math teacher is a spawn of Hell and she gave me a crapload of math homework and so I'm pissed off!

Hiei: (Somehow unscathed… o.O) Meep!

Himizu-chan: BWA HA HA HA HA!

Ryouko: Himizu-chan, you want a Mountain Dew?

Himizu-chan: SURE! (Seizes Mountain Dew can and chugs the entire thing) Ahh…

Saru: Now kiss and make up, you two sadists.

(Himizu-chan, Hiei, and Ryouko all look horrified)

Himizu-chan: (Somehow back in her normal clothes) NOOOOOOOOOOO! I will not kiss the sadistic dragon master!

Hiei: UGH! I will not kiss that authoress witch!

Ryouko: HIEI'S MINE! WAH, DAMNIT!

Saru: (Flattened against the wall because of the force of the shouting) … Meow?

Himizu-chan: Forget it. I will go to Hell first!

Ryouko: I thought Hell was hot. And you hate heat.

Himizu-chan: Well, my Hell is a poppy field.

Ryouko: POPPY FIELD!

Saru: Lovely… Can I come?

Himizu-chan and Ryouko: Sure!

(Poppy field appears)

Girls: YAY!

Hiei: Why me?

Himizu-chan: Well, if it makes you feel any better we've brought company.

(Sanosuke appears)

Sano: What the hell?

A/N: And chaos is added to confusion as Sano joins the mix. I couldn't resist. Now, the "Wah damnit" quote is from P.A.'s "Tsuki Takes Over" fanfic (OMG, that fic rocks!). The poppy field is an inside joke between me and my friends… the story will be on our website whenever we get it up… I swear I'll tell you when we do. And yes, I had a crapload of homework and was pissed off, so I decided to take it out on Hiei. I'm so bad. Next chapter is something almost everybody loves… KARASU TORTURE! Tune in next time for some humorous fun at the expense of the hated crow demon! If you are one of the people that love Karasu, well, I'm not one of them and I love torturing him. I'm sorry, and I will accept criticisms but I WILL NOT CHANGE IT! Read and review! Ja ne!


	7. Karasu Torture

Himizu-chan: Wow, I'm back. It's been a while. I got stuck halfway through this chapter and then went off and started writing another fic... Shame on me. Well, here I am again, I am alive, and I have updated. Huzzah for me. I'll try to update The Most Random Fanfic Ever tomorrow... but no promises. If you're mad at me for not updating, blame my math teacher cuz she's evil and gives mucha homework. I hate geometry. Well, enjoy chapter 7!

**Chapter 7: Karasu Torture**

Himizu-chan: Sanosuke! Friend! Join us, won't you?

Sano: What the hell are you doing?

Saru: What does it look like, we're smoking poppies!

Sano: Poppies… are used to make opium. -.-#

Ryouko: And marijuana… so much variety!

Sano: …

(Ryouko, Himizu-chan, Saru, and Hiei just sit there smoking poppies, Hiei looks slightly freaked out and the girls are grinning like maniacs.)

Sano: -.-# (Beats the living daylights out of the three girls and Hiei)

Girls: X.X (Knocked out)

Hiei: -.- Holy hell! What was that for!

Sano: -.- You were smoking poppies!

Hiei: Because they forced me to!

Sano: You were still smoking.

Hiei: -.- (Pissed like hell) Grr… Die!

(Sano and Hiei start fighting)

Himizu-chan: Ooh, look, they're fighting! Five dollars says Sano is going to beat the shrimp!

Ryouko: I'll take that! Hiei's a demon; he can take Sano any day.

Himizu-chan: Last time I checked, you could beat Hiei up with no effort.

Ryouko: Being a best friend of the authoress has its advantages.

Saru: True that! And I vote the wind.

Ryouko and Himizu-chan: O.O WTF mate?

Saru: Yes, the wind will beat them all. And then the sheep will beat the wind.

Himizu-chan: Remind me again why we let her have poppies…

Disclaimer: I own no Animes. I do own the poppy field. My field! (Lawyers sigh in despair) Well it's true. (Sticks tongue out at lawyers) And I own all methods used in this chapter to torture Karasu… But suggestions for more torture are welcome. I will also torture either Toguro brother or just about any other villain from any of the Animes here… although no promises cuz I haven't seen all the episodes.

* * *

Upon their arrival at the theater, 52 hyperactive humans and demons threw themselves down onto an array of couches in front of a giant screen three times as big as the largest one anywhere in the world. Then they all started arguing over what movie to watch. The girls wanted to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. Most of the Anime characters wanted to watch Beautiful Mind, but they were outvoted by the girls' machine guns and the threat of being forced to listen to the singing ferrets. So they all sat watching Pirates of the Caribbean with virtually every female member of the audience drooling over Jack Sparrow and Will Turner.

The robot servants brought an array of popcorn and snacks as well as drinks for the people and a quiet two hours were spent watching an exciting movie with pirates, ghostly skeletons, and very hot actors. There was something for everyone in that movie. However, shortly after the movie began, Kenshin and Sano slipped out of the theater carrying their favorite weapons and didn't return until the end of the movie. Hiei, Kurama, and Hagari also left at some point or another during the movie, all three of them returning within five minutes.

After the movie ended, everyone trooped out, laughing and reenacting parts of the movie for no reason. The first few people out, Yukina, Botan, and Starfire, walked a few steps, and then stopped dead. They all screamed. Everyone else pressed forward until they were all standing in the large lobby outside the theater. It was quite a nice room with large windows, soft couches, and chandeliers. But in the middle of the room was a sight that completely ruined the beauty. Karasu was lying spread-eagle in the middle of the fancy carpet, with a gapping wound in his head and a pool of blood on the floor.

"OH NO! He ruined the carpet!" cried Saru.

"Hooray! I always hated that carpet! Now we can get a new one!" exclaimed Ryouko.

Conan stepped forward. "This is a crime scene!" he yelled. "Don't anybody move or disturb this area! Now, who murdered this… very ugly… man?"

Ryouko, Himizu, Saru, and Kitsune all stepped forward and solemnly raised their hands. Heiji kicked them in the heads and knocked them to one side. He had learned not to take the girl's seriously. Richard stomped forward.

"This is a clear-cut case of… SUICIDE!" he declared happily. Everyone fell over.

"Okay, I know we're weird, but we don't exactly keep nails in our carpet or anything… What could he possibly have used as the weapon?" demanded Ryouko. Indeed, there was nothing sharp or heavy nearby and there was no furniture near enough for Karasu to have hit his head on.

"He found a way to dispose of the weapon of course. Don't worry, it was definitely suicide." Richard then went on and babbled like the idiot that he is, but nobody paid any more attention to him. Yusuke and Kuwabara had become friends with Ranma, Kuno, Ryoga, and Mousse, and the six of them proceeded to viciously destroy the crime scene in direct contrast to Conan and Heiji's request. Inuyasha, Koga, and Sesshoumaru suddenly realized they hadn't had a fight yet since they met the girls, and decided to have one… right in the middle of the crime scene despite Conan and Heiji yelling at them to do that somewhere else, the girls cheering because Karasu was dead, and Yusuke, Kuwabara, and the Ranma boys running around destroying everything they could lay their hands on.

Himizu put her hands to her face. "Oh my God! Kurama killed Karasu! Can I shake your hand?" she asked him, suddenly grinning.

Ryouko stepped forward holding a shiny medal. "For the feat of killing Karasu, we wish that you would accept this Medal of Honor."

"Shiny… But I didn't kill him…" he said.

"Oh…" said Ryouko. "Then you don't get the shiny medal!" She snatched it away.

T.T "No more shiny…" whimpered Kurama. Kitsune hugged him.

"Poor Kurama-sama!" she exclaimed.

"I don't believe it!" declared Conan. "From what I've heard, Kurama hated Karasu, Karasu was his worst enemy. It makes sense for Kurama to kill him. He has motive, and opportunity, since he left the theater. You are suspect… NUMBER 1!"

"Oh dear, he's getting dramatic again…" whispered Rachel.

Heiji walked slowly around, then stopped in front of Hagari. "You are a sniper. Perhaps you were hired to kill that man. You also left the theater during the movie." Hagari looked annoyed and muttered something profane about nosy detectives, but Heiji ignored that. He stopped again in front of Kenshin and Sano. "You two also left the theater, and you were gone for nearly the entire movie. How do you explain that?"

"We went to the training room that Miss Ryouko told us about, that we did. Sano practiced his martial arts and I practiced with my sword for a while, then returned here promptly," Kenshin exclaimed.

"Yeah, he's too much of a goody-goody to let me snoop through the girl's private stuff," Sano muttered angrily. The girls all cracked their knuckles.

"And you," Conan finished, walking up to Hiei, "are suspect number 5, because you also left the theater. Plus, you're friends with Kurama and it's possible that Kurama asked you to kill Karasu as a favor."

"Wow, the kid watches more TV than we do," Himizu whispered to Ryouko, who started laughing.

Heiji and Conan began to interrogate the suspects, but after three hours, they still hadn't gotten anywhere. They confided their troubles to the girls.

"After all this work, we still don't know who the real murderer is," Conan said, looking agitated. The girls just shrugged.

"You'll figure it out," Kitsune said calmly.

So they continued trying to figure out who the real murderer was, but as it turned out, the real murderer was no one because all of a sudden Karasu stood up and started walking away, laughing his head off, still dripping fake blood as he walked. Heiji and Conan fell over. The four girls looked at each other, completely pissed off. They pulled out bombs and guns and chased him outside. There were many loud booms and the sound of rapid gunfire. After a while, the girls came in with huge smiles on their faces.

"Karasu's gone now!" Ryouko exclaimed. Everyone fell over.

"Well," said Heiji, "at least he got away safely…" At that precise moment, a tremendous BOOM from outside seemed to rock the mansion.

"Well, I wouldn't say exactly safely…" Ryouko muttered.

"What the hell was that!" cried Heiji.

Hiei laughed softly. "What, didn't you know there are land mines outside? I wouldn't expect anything else with these girls."

Everyone turned to the windows. Himizu, Kitsune, and Saru were already sitting on the window seats with machine guns aimed at the land mine field. Ryouko joined them. Her voice dropped to a gravelly whisper as she leveled her own gun. "Ready… aim… fire!" she yelled. The four girls started firing their guns rapidly. Then they stopped and everyone sat still, waiting for the smoke to clear.

When it finally did, they could all see Karasu running around the yard with his hair on fire, screaming like a banshee. "My hair, my hair, my hair, my hair, my hair, my hair, my hair, my hair, my hair, my hair, my hair, my hair, my hair, my hair!" he shrieked. Everyone inside the mansion started laughing their heads off and pulled up chairs so they could sit and watch Karasu run around like a chicken with his head cut off.

"Popcorn anyone?" They all turned to see Kurama holding a tray loaded with bowls of popcorn. Everyone agreed and they all settled back to watch Karasu running around screaming while his hair burned merrily.

After about six hours of this, everyone was becoming bored and tired of Karasu's ceaseless shrieks. They had even argued over why he still had hair and why it hadn't all burnt away. So they started arguing over the best way to get rid of him. Most of the Anime characters wanted to kill him outright, but the girls wanted to keep him alive and do more torture. This problem was solved when a rocket shot over their heads, swooped into the yard under Karasu's legs, scooped him up, flew into the sky until it was a mere speck, and exploded. Everyone turned around and saw Kurama holding a match.

"That…felt good!" Kurama declared happily.

"Where'd you get the rocket?" asked Yusuke.

"From a random storage closet that the girls have… It's scary some of the things they have," Kurama muttered. Everyone laughed and cheered. Ryouko rewarded him with the Medal of Honor.

Hiei peered out the window curiously. "I wonder if he's dead yet," he muttered. Rachel closed her eyes.

"I see him lying in the street, bruised and battered… and a kid running over him with a tricycle. Poor soul," she said sadly, shaking her head in pity for the crow demon.

Everyone stared at her incredulously. "… Yeah right!"

No longer in the mansion, but on a deserted street several miles away

Karasu fell from the sky and landed with a splat in the middle of the street. He was very bruised and battered and his hair was badly burnt. He pushed himself partway up, trying vainly to lever himself off the pavement. Pointing his finger back in the direction of the mansion, he managed to groan, "I…hate…" But he got no further because all of sudden, a little kid riding a tricycle ran over him, slamming him right back onto the pavement. As the kid rode away, he peeked over his shoulder.

"Sorry mister!" he hollered as he continued barreling away. Karasu lifted his head again.

"…" He then passed out.

Back in the mansion

"Well, that was fun!" said Ryouko happily.

"I feel like torturing more random villains!" exclaimed Himizu happily.

"Well, what should we do?" asked Kitsune.

"Well, we could use our author powers to bring somebody in…" suggested Saru. Himizu suddenly grinned evilly.

"Can anyone say piñata party with Elder Toguro!" she asked, cackling in delight. Everyone who had ever heard of Elder Toguro cheered madly, especially Kurama, Kuwabara, and Yusuke. So the four girls used their author powers and Elder Toguro appeared hanging from the ceiling by two ropes attached to his neck and feet. To add insult to injury, he had been liberally daubed in bright colored paints and was covered with brilliantly colored confetti and glitter. It would have been a lovely piñata if it weren't for the fact the Elder Toguro was so hideous.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing! Let me down, you little freaks!" cried Elder Toguro.

Ryouko and Saru lay out an array of baseball bats, sticks, clubs, mallets, and other long, hard objects. Himizu snatched up her two preferred weapons: a hockey stick and a giant mallet. Ryouko took a large spiky club and a baseball bat. Saru took what looked like a piece of wood with a handle and another baseball bat. Kitsune took a hammer and a large sticklike piece of wood. All the other Anime characters selected something, although Kuwabara, Yusuke, Sanosuke, and some others chose to use their fists and feet to attack the piñata.

Elder Toguro screamed bloody murder the entire time until his voice gave out. This made everyone sad, so they stopped hitting him and gave him a cough drop. When he was able to talk again, he threatened to kill them all, so they started hitting him again because he had his voice back and they were able to listen to him scream. It was fun. They had a good time. But all good things must come to an end and they were becoming tired, so they took him down.

"Now what should we do with him?" asked Kuwabara. The girls looked at each other and identical evil grins appeared on their faces.

"Well we were going to split up for a little while anyways…" said Kitsune.

"And it won't hurt if we do one more thing together before we split up for a couple hours..." said Himizu

"And we do have a sweet little pet that would just love to meet Elder Toguro…" said Ryouko.

"And I was going to take my group to the pool anyways…" said Saru. The girls' smiles widened and they strode dramatically off in the direction of the elevator, dragging Elder Toguro along by his hair. The Anime characters shrugged and followed. Then they arrived at the pool. The four girls threw Elder Toguro into the pool. Strangely enough, he stayed afloat, although the girls might've had something to do with it, they seemed pleased that he was still in view.

Creepy Jaws music started playing. A dark ominous shadow came closer… closer… closer… Elder Toguro started screeching again and began to thrash about madly. Ryouko and Himizu looked at each other and started cracking up.

"FISH IN DISTRESS!" they yelled. (If you've never seen Jaws, you probably won't get this.)

The shadow came nearer. Karou clung to Kenshin's sleeve. "Wh-What is it?" she gasped.

"It must be some kind of monster!" gasped Yahiko.

The shadow came nearer. The music increased in volume and tempo, and Elder Toguro's panicked yelled reached a crescendo. Then…

A little fish about six inches long appeared in front of Elder Toguro. Every Anime character fell over. Elder Toguro started cackling, a very unpleasant grating sound.

"THIS is your idea of torture? A tiny little guppy? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"AAAHHHHH! MAKE HIM STOP!" screamed the girls, clapping their hands to their ears. The little fish glared at Elder Toguro for a moment, then suddenly opened its mouth… its giant 8-foot high mouth filled with foot-long razor-sharp teeth. Not a pleasant sight. The laughter died in Elder Toguro's throat. Then he screamed in terror. The fish's mouth closed around him and he was gone and the little guppy-like fish swam to the side where he was patted happily by the four girls. Seeing the stunned Anime characters, Kitsune decided to explain.

"This is Sharky. He's another product of our laboratory. And he's also the guardian of the waters. Anywhere there's a pool or pond or moat or whatever, he can get to and he protects them viciously. A perfect water guardian. He's such a good boy, aren't you Sharky?" she asked him, stroking his tiny dorsal fin. Saru grinned sweetly.

"Would anyone like to go swimming?" she asked.

There was a sudden mass rush to the door on the parts of the Anime characters. They were stopped when the door suddenly closed and grew long sharp spikes. Himizu slipped the remote that operated the door back into her pocket and shook her head patronizingly.

"So untrusting… Would we ever do anything to hurt you people?"

"YES!" they yelled at her.

"Okay… so we would… maybe… whatever… This isn't one of those times. Sharky's perfectly tame. But whatever. I don't feel like swimming, so my group lucks out."

"Same here," Ryouko and Kitsune chimed together. "Have fun, Saru."

"I'll take my group to the Disco!" cried Kitsune happily.

"I'm going to take my group to the Training Room. This should be interesting!" said Ryouko, rubbing her hands.

"I guess I'll take my group to the soccer field. I have the urge to kick a soccer ball," said Himizu.

"Don't kill them," Ryouko said calmly.

"I won't. I'll try not to knock them unconscious either," she said with a giggle.

"Okay, let's meet in the kitchen in… say… four hours?" suggested Saru, checking her watch.

"Sounds great! Let's go!" exclaimed Kitsune. So the four groups split up to party.

* * *

(Sano and Hiei still fighting)

Ryouko: Go Hiei!

Himizu-chan: Go Sano!

Saru: Go wind!

Ryouko and Himizu-chan: -.- (Knock out Saru) Bakayarou.

Sano and Hiei: … (Stare at girls in confusion)

Ryouko: Why did you guys stop?

Himizu-chan: Yeah, come on, this was our entertainment!

Sano and Hiei: -.-

Sano: Ya know, normally I don't like to hit girls… But I'm seriously considering making an exception.

Hiei: I'll help you.

Himizu-chan and Ryouko: Uh oh… O.O RUN AWAY! (Run away)

Sano and Hiei: We'll get you, you bakas!

Saru: (Wakes up) Where'd everybody go? Oh well. (Starts smoking poppies again)

A/N: Yay! Sharky! I love Sharky! Ryouko and I came up with that, and the Karasu torture. That was so fun! And now we're going to split up. Does this make it easier because the girls are split up? Or is this going to be worse because everyone can cause more damage? Find out… in chapter 8! Oh, FYI, Elder Toguro escaped from Sharky thanks to our author powers. He is now in some Netherworld realm being tortured until we need him again. He's not dead because it's just too much fun to torture him.


	8. Lets Split Up Gang

**Chapter 8: Let's Split Up Gang!**

Ryouko: (Running like mad) Cripes, Sano, can't you take a joke! Lay off! Leave me alone!

Sano: You stupid opium-smoking baka!

Ryouko: I resent that! I smoke poppies, and I don't like opium as much as marijuana!

Sano: Same difference!

Hiei: Come back here and take your medicine Ryouko!

Ryouko: Lama me? What about Himizu-chan?

Sano: Now that she mentions it… Where is Himizu-chan? I though we were chasing her too.

Himizu-chan: SANOSUKE-SAMA! (Jumps out of nowhere and glomps Sano)

Sano: Wah! Get away from me!

Himizu-chan: No.

Ryouko: Himizu-chan! What the hell?

Hiei: This is ridiculous. And you're going to pay for forcing me to smoke those poppies.

Ryouko: Crap! RUN AWAY! (Runs away)

Hiei: Get back here!

Ryouko: You'll never catch me! (Trips over Saru and falls flat on her face, Hiei trips over her)

Hiei: (Grabs her collar as he trips over her) Gotcha!

Ryouko: Cheater! That was so not fair!

Saru: Mmmm… Chinese Water Torture… Mmmm… (Humming placidly under her breath)

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Anime characters, but I do own the mansion! And the lawyers cannot take that away from me. (Lawyers come with eviction notices) -.-# You mean bastards, that's legally mine! (Lawyers shake eviction notices viciously and start babbling away) -.-# You crazy men annoy me. Go. (Whips out a giant mallet) Now who's giving the orders? (I'm such a nut!)

I just realized I forgot to answer my reviews last chapter... O.O So I'll do both six and seven now.

Amnarranma: (6)Yay! Making fun of Karasu is da bomb! And Hiei is getting his revenge... which doesn't bode well for me. Amanuma rules. But Sano is better.

wonderingprophet: (6) Excellent, I love scaring you. Hooray for penguins and static. Monkeys are fun to insult, sorry, but they are. Wings wings wings! Poppy field! If you sing, I shall kill you.

Mistress of Hiei Spasms: (6) The wings were fun to make up. Saru, Ryouko, and I spent a whole lunch period and English class making them up. Muchas birdies! (Anime peace) Muchas Mountain Dew. (Happy smile) I love Mountain Dew!

Blackfire Kitsune: (6) Thanks so much! Yeah, my flamethrowers blow up a lot... DON'T THEY YUSUKE! (Glares at Yusuke who is now chained to the wall)

Mega-Doomer: (7) O.O P--P---PINK! (Voice goes really high-pitched and squeaky when saying that word) Stay back! I'm warning you, I have the power of the mallet! (Eye twitches) I'm updating, I'm updating, just keep the pink apron away from me! O.O

Amnarranma: (7) I know Elder Toguro can't die, that's why I didn't make him cuz picky people would yell at me. It's more fun to keep him alive anyways, more torture time. He is immortal and can heal himself, he can do it all... damn. END OF ZE WORLD! I love the kangaroos!

wonderingprophet: (7) I do know better, but I let you have them b/c next chapter I get to torture you. See the end of the chapter. DON'T SING! Yes, poor carpet. Shooting Karasu is FUN! Sharky rules. And I knocked you out b/c I am the almighty authoress and if you don't like it, then I'll take Saru right out of the fic! (Of course, we all know I won't but whatever.) Poppy field!

Mistress of Hiei Spasms: (7) Thanks so much! To tell you the truth, you're the nicest one. Some people (cough cough wonderingprophet) just threaten me. Ah well. I shall try to update soon.

Phew, that took a while. Next time, I'll updateat the right chapter. But hey, I'd rather do all the work then have none to respond to. Thanks for your support guys! I'll try to update ASAP! NO MORE MARINE BIOLOGY! More time to write fics. That is a very good thing. So happy... just 16 more days of school! (And only 14 more days of geometry... a very good thing. The C.S.I. season finale is on Thursday! So many good things are happening all at once... I can barely take it all in! YAY! Now, on with the fic!

* * *

Himizu was skipping through the halls of the mansion, laughing like a maniac. The torture had obviously satisfied her vicious appetite for bloodshed. Now she was perfectly content. Her group of characters trailed her apprehensively, ready in case her mood should turn against them. 

Ryouko strolled into the training room. It was absolutely huge with all sorts of interesting equipment. Bleachers lined one of the walls and she promptly clambered up to the last row and leaned back to watch the fun. The Anime characters in her group looked around briefly, then all hell broke loose.

Kitsune was humming a random song under her breath as she opened an obscure door at one of the remote corners of the house. It had been a somewhat creepy journey, with no windows and precious few lights. Now she pushed open the door and everyone shielded their eyes with their hands, almost blinded by the dazzling glare. The room was decorated in a disco style with colored lights on the walls and floor and a shimmering disco ball gracing the center of the ceiling. Kitsune hit a button on her remote control and a giant stereo system popped out of the floor and music began to blare around them and lights started flashing. Kitsune grabbed Kurama's hand and dragged him out onto the dance floor.

Saru was standing at the edge of the pool. Ranma stood next to her, perched precariously at the edge as Sharky gazed up hopefully. Ranma's eye twitched.

"I think I'll pass…" he said nervously, starting to move away.

"As you wish…" said Saru. She then shoved him into the pool. Sharky swam off in fright as female Ranma (In Ranma's normal clothes, not men's swim trunks for all you perverts out there!) broke the surface with a yelp.

"COLD!" she cried. "This water is freaking cold!"

Akane shook her head with a sigh. Kuno came over to see what all the fuss was about. "My pig-tailed goddess!" he cried. "I didn't know you would be at this party! Just a moment, love, I shall join you!" He prepared to dive into the pool, but Ranma jumped out and kicked him in the head.

Saru sat down at the edge of the pool, shaking her head and rocking back and forth miserably. "Why me, why me, why me?"

Himizu led the characters into a giant soccer stadium. The whole scene was peaceful and screamed of soccer. She pulled out a soccer ball and started juggling it lazily as the characters took in the brilliant field.

"This field is extremely useful," Himizu told them, still juggling. "It was designed to be a soccer field, but it can also be a croquet field or serve as a center of execution on the rare occasion that our victims do not amuse us or respond to our torture chamber." Himizu continued juggling, either unaware of or ignoring the freaked-out looks being shot her way by the Anime characters. "So let's take a vote, should we play croquet or soccer?" There was dead silence. A cricket chirped. Himizu's eye twitched, although whether this was because of the cricket or the lack of responses, they never found out, because at that moment…

Ryouko sat in the bleachers drinking lemonade as she watched Hiei and Kenshin fighting with their swords. She winked at Conan, who was perched next to her.

"Now this… is entertainment," she said happily.

Conan couldn't help but agree. It was fun to watch the demon and the ex-samurai fighting since they were both so skilled with swords. Inuyasha and Heiji were also fighting, although it must be admitted that Heiji was having minor difficulties since Inuyasha's sword was so big. But Heiji's speed was helping him, so the fight remained interesting. Finally, Inuyasha swept Heiji's sword away from him and out of his reach. He smirked.

"I win," he said. Heiji's eye twitched. Then he tackled Inuyasha and they started an all-out brawl. Starfire tried to separate them, but ended up caught in the melee. Raven went to help her. Kaito and Kido went to help the two girls and Genkai went to help her two students. Ryoga went to help because he had nothing better to do and had no idea what was going on since he'd become lost and had just arrived. Jin was floating above everyone, using his wind powers to try to help clear things up, but the confusing wind was only making things worse. Through all this, Hiei and Kenshin kept fighting and Ryouko and Conan just sat on the bleachers watching everything and almost breathless with laughter.

Kitsune was dancing happily to Tangled Up In You with Kurama. The other Anime characters watched, completely dumbstruck. Kitsune glared at them all.

"Come on guys, I've got a great selection of music, it's not there so you can just stand around like bumps on logs. Dance, come on!" She switched the music to Vacation and glared daggers at the group until Botan, Koenma, Keiko, and Yusuke timidly stepped onto the dance floor. Kitsune nodded silently, allowed Kurama to slip away, and grabbed Sesshoumaru instead.

Fluffy glared daggers at the bouncy fox. "Stay away from me, mecchen. Don't make me kill you."

"You wouldn't hurt me, would you Fluffy-sama?" asked Kitsune in her naïve way, giving him puppy eyes. Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed and he seized his sword and tried to chop her up. She gave a squeal and hid behind Kurama.

"Kurama-sama, save me from the bad Fluffy!" she cried. "He's being mean! Down Inu-san!"

Sesshoumaru twitched. "Don't use my stupid half-brother's name in reference to my wonderful self!"

"Well, it's not my fault! You're a dog demon, right? How's it my fault that your brother's name literally means 'dog-demon'? Cheese, what's the matter, did you sit on a monkey earlier?" Sesshoumaru gave her a weird look, and he wasn't the only one. She shook her head in annoyance. "Never mind… bakas…"

Sesshoumaru growled. "What did you call me?" (Pissed like hell)

Kitsune gulped. O.O "Meep… HELP!" She ran off through the disco room with Sesshoumaru hard on her heels, waving his sword like a maniac with murder on his mind.

Miroku had spotted the pretty red-haired girl climbing out of the pool and accepting a towel from Akane, treading carelessly on Kuno's unconscious form. He slicked back his hair and strode forward. "Allow me miss," he said gallantly. He offered his left hand to the girl and used his right hand to try and touch her butt. The girl gave a yelp and then slapped him. He staggered back as the girl then proceeded to beat him up using martial arts. Miroku then tried again. This time he was hit on the head with a boomerang. Sango stalked forward and grabbed Miroku, dragging him away.

"Can't you knock it off for five minutes?" she asked him. "Or are you diseased? I have never met anyone more perverted in my life and if I catch you trying to grope another innocent girl, I'll—BASTARD! That's it! You are dead!" She then started chasing Miroku around the pool; beating him over the head with everything she could lay her hands on. Saru helped out by following behind and supplying Sango with new objects that would cause great pain when applied with suitable force to anyone's head, especially Miroku's.

"Oh my!" gasped Yukina, appearing greatly distressed by Sango's vicious, although much deserved, treatment of Miroku. Kuwabara, unable to stand the sight of his beloved's distress, stepped forward to help out.

"Hey, hey, you two! Knock it off! You should be a little nicer to each other, especially in front of my beloved Yukina-chan! You, creepy boomerang girl, you shouldn't be hitting that guy with all that stuff, it's violent and it's going to make Yukina cry! And you, perverted monk boy, if you touch any more girls, especially my beloved Yukina-chan, I, Kazuma Kuwabara, shall personally see to it that you learn a lesson about how to properly treat a lady!" Kuwabara struck a heroic pose and stood there looking like an idiot. Everyone stared in shock. Then Sango and Miroku both pulled out weapons and walked towards Kuwabara with the light of battle in their eyes. Kuwabara screamed like a girl and fled for his life with the two Inuyasha characters in hot pursuit. Saru laughed like a maniac and sat down on a nearby chair to watch the fun.

A light bulb appeared above Himizu's head and exploded, showering everyone with glass. Himizu looked furious.

"Damn it all, now I have to buy more light bulbs. And croquet is only for six players, but there are thirteen of us. Damn it, now we can't play!" She looked pissed off and seemed to be trying to set fire to Richard with her mind, but this wasn't working, so she tried the more direct approach involving a bucket of gasoline and a lighter. Sano grabbed her and held her back.

"Easy little miss. No need to go burning up anyone out here. You'd ruin your field."

"Sanosuke-sama!" she cried, glomping him. "You're right of course."

"Perhaps some of us could just watch…" suggested Mitari. Himizu glomped him as well.

"You're right too Mitari-san!" she exclaimed. "So we'll just set up a place for some people to watch."

Sano and Mitari exchanged glances. "We'll sit down!" they volunteered. Himizu shook her head as she slipped collars and leashes on them.

"Not happening gentlemen. You're staying right here."

"Damn!" they chorused together. Himizu smiled sweetly, and then turned to Richard.

"Richard, will you please go and get the croquet stuff?" she asked him. Richard looked confused.

"I don't know where that stuff is, I've never been here before!" he cried. "And I didn't want to come here anyway! I wanted to go and see the lovely Yoko Okino! She is the most beautiful, wonderful…"

"Yeah, yeah, cut the crap. Damn it, why did you have to meet Yoko? She made you worse than you already were, not an easy thing to do. Now go get the croquet stuff, lackey!" she yelled at him, a vein popping near her eye. Richard looked pissed as well.

"How am I supposed to get the stuff if I don't even know where it is!" he demanded.

Himizu slapped for forehead. "Cripes! Pathetic! Fine!" She then drew a very crude map with a monkey in one corner. She then grabbed Richard's ear and pointed firmly at the map. "See the monkey? That's you. See this line? That's the path. See the square over there? That's the shed. The stuff is in the shed. Now go get the stuff, lackey, before I really get mad!" Richard fled, but not before cussing her out for calling him a monkey. Himizu frowned down at her drawing. "He's right. I shouldn't have called him a monkey. That insults monkeys."

Richard returned at last. Himizu promptly began setting up the game with just a few oh so minor changes.

"Okay, I'll play against Mitari and Sanosuke…"

"Can you let us off the leash for the game?" asked Mitari.

"Why not forever?" whispered Sano.

"She's more likely to agree to this," Mitari pointed out.

"…Good point…" muttered Sano.

"Um… Let me think… NO!" Himizu smiled sweetly at them. "Now, to continue, Amanuma is also playing, and so are Rinku and Yana."

"And the rest of us?" asked Robin.

"Glad you asked," Himizu purred. She smiled cutely. "Robin, stand in the middle of the field. Beast Boy, stand to the left in the area between Robin and those wickets. Cyborg, stand directly across from Beast Boy, just on the right. Ogre, stand across from Beast Boy, and Mousse, stand across from Cyborg. Shampoo, come here." She pulled out her trusty croquet mallet and bonked her on the head. She was promptly knocked out, but her feet had been stuck in the ground by the force of the blow. "We have a stake. Now we need another stake." She smiled at Richard, who ran for his life. She started chasing him around. At that moment, a weird little TV device appeared and followed her, showing Kitsune running for her life from Sesshoumaru, Ryouko watching a mass fight, and Saru watching Sango and Miroku beat up Kuwabara.

"HELP ME, YOU THREE!" Kitsune screamed. "THERE'S A MAD DOG DEMON CHASING ME AND TRYING TO KILL ME!"

"Love to, fox, but I'm kinda busy right now," Himizu said. "I'm trying to make Richard get his butt back here and be a stake so I can play croquet."

"Same here, I'm busy too. Conan and I are watching a fight here; you wouldn't believe it. Ryoga just took a wicked right hook from Starfire. Man that girl is vicious! It's amazing! And Kenshin and Hiei are having the most awesome fight!" Ryouko exclaimed happily.

"This is too exciting to miss, Kitsune. Miroku and Sango are about to beat the crap out of Kuwabara! I can't leave now!" cried Saru.

"You're going to help him instead of me?" asked Kitsune.

"NO! I'm going to make sure Sango and Miroku have enough bricks and mallets and clubs and rocks and anvils and…"

"Okay, okay, I get it, shut up. Is anybody going to help me out here!"

"NO!" three voices yelled at her.

"You're mean!" cried Kitsune. "Somebody help me! Oh, by the way, Himizu, look behind you…"

Himizu looked back and saw that she was still holding the leash and was dragging Mitari and Sano along behind her and they were being strangled. "OH MY GOSH! Are you guys all right!" she cried, screeching to a halt.

"(Choke) Fine… (Croak) Just fine… (Gasp)" choked the two boys.

"Thank goodness for that! Now let's go get Richard!" cried Himizu, running off again. Ryouko and Saru went back to watching their fights. Kitsune kept running, screaming frantically.

"Isn't anybody going to help me! HELP!"

* * *

Himizu-chan: (Gets thrown across the field by Sano) What did ya do that for! 

Sano: You scare me.

Himizu-chan: I try my best.

Ryouko: (Being dragged by her collar by Hiei) Hiei, you know I'm going to hurt you when you let go.

Hiei: Who says I'm letting you go?

Ryouko: What are you going to do then? Hold onto me for the rest of my life? I wouldn't like that. I want my TV!

Hiei: -.-# Shut up fool.

Ryouko: T.T

Himizu-chan: (Comes back smoking more poppies) Ya know, we really should do something about Saru. I think she's had a few too many poppies.

(Everyone looks at Saru, who is curled up in the fetal position, snoring outrageously, and drooling too)

Sano: I thought minors weren't supposed to smoke.

Himizu-chan: Well, it's not like we do this all the time. I mean this is a fanfic. The only poppy field we ever visit is in our minds.

Sano: Then how am I in your mind?

Himizu-chan: You're not. This is a fanfiction remember? Now stop getting so technical and crap with me and help me revive Saru.

Ryouko: How do we do that?

Sano and Hiei: (Evil grins) Well, we could always…

A/N: Oh dear, now I've done it. Ryouko is being held prisoner by Hiei and Saru is about to be revived. It probably won't be very pleasant either… Strange, they aren't attacking me yet. Ah well. What should happen to Saru? (And wonderingprophet, I will not take any of your ideas into consideration unless they're really good. I hope you know why (Cough cough, since you are Saru, cough cough)!) So yeah. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, **please** **give me torture ideas**… and not just for Saru. I wanna torture anybody, maybe even myself! So have fun with that. And what's going to happen to Kitsune? Is she going to be killed by Sesshoumaru? Will Sango and Miroku kill Kuwabara? Who will win the fight, Hiei or Kenshin? And why is Himizu strangling her favorite bishies? Find out in the next chapter! Read and Review! Ja ne!


	9. Blair Fluffy

A/N: I am alive. Here I am. Yay. (Dies) Okay, yeah. Sorry this took so long to update, but I have had other things to do. But here I am and I hope this slightly short chapter is to your satisfaction. I know Sesshoumaru is really OOC in this chapter, but hey. Anywho, review responses.

Amnarranma: Yay, torture! Me gusta mucho! I'll find a place for it all I"m sure. Please send more! KANGAROOS! END OF ZE WORLD! WTF MATE!

The Mega-Doomer: Yes, I'm sure he would. So do I. For my opinion on pink, read chatper 2 (I think) of The Holy Grail.

lavanderrose: High on pollen... That's a new one. I get high off Mountain Dew, any caffeine, chocolate, sugar, cough drops, and peppermints... to name a few. Pollen shall rule? I'm sure all the hayfever people love that, LOL.

Yeah, that's all for reviews. I'll try to update a little faster next time, but no promises. X.X

**Chapter 9: The Blair Fluffy**

A/N: Well, if you have a good memory, you should remember that I asked several questions at the end of the chapter which I promised to answer in this chapter. And they were:

Will Sesshoumaru murder Kitsune?

Will Sango and Miroku murder Kuwabara?

Who will win the swordfight, Kenshin or Hiei?

Why is Himizu strangling her bishies?

Ryouko: In that order, he's not allowed, I hope so, Hiei all the way, and because she's a nut.

Saru: In that order, who knows, I hope so too, Kenshin's gonna win, and because she's an insane nut.

Sano: In that order, I don't care, I don't care, Kenshin will because he's the best, and because she's an evil nut.

Hiei: In that order, I hope so, I hope so, I will because I rule, and because she's a murderous psychopathic nut.

Himizu: -.- Thanks for your lovely and kind opinions, boneheads. (Whacks Hiei, Ryouko, and Saru on the head with a frying pan and Sano with a wiffle bat) Stupid unsupportive bastards…

Ryouko and Saru: -.- (Take out club and mace) (Begin hitting Himizu)

(Himizu, Ryouko, and Saru start fighting)

Sano: Psychos…

Hiei: Tell me about it… More sweet snow?

* * *

Saru: (Still unconscious…) Mmm… Brownies… Chocolate… Yum… (Opens eyes and sees ten trays of fresh, warm, just-out-of-the-oven, chocolaty brownies just three feet away) Yay! Brownies! (She attempts to get up, but can't move. She looks down and finds that she is bound to a chair by a pair of pantyhose.) ?.? Mew?

Himizu, Ryouko, Sano, and Hiei: (Sitting by the brownies) Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Saru: -.-# BAKAS! Let me go! Why did you do this! HOW did you do this!

Ryouko and Himizu: Heh heh…

FLASHBACK

(Sano and Hiei have just explained their plan)

Ryouko: No way! How could you suggest we do something like that to our friend?

Himizu: Yeah, that's really tame for us! Is that all you've got?

Sano and Hiei: -.-# Just do it, damnit!

Ryouko and Himizu: Fine, fine. (Use author powers to tie Saru to a chair with a pair of pantyhose and conjure up ten trays of fresh-baked brownies)

(All four sit down and wait for the fun to start)

END FLASHBACK

Ryouko and Himizu: Heh heh heh…

Saru: -.- Mean bastards…

Ryouko and Himizu: Thank you, we do our best.

Saru: Grr…

* * *

Kitsune focused a camera on her terrified features. She hoped to send a last message to her friends. "He's after me! HE'S AFTER ME! I'm so scared! I can't get away! I CAN'T GET AWAY! I've been trying to escape, but I can't flee…THE BLAIR FLUFFY! OH MY GOD, THERE HE IS! THIS COULD BE MY LAST MOMENT ALIVE!"

"Good, then maybe you'll shut the hell up!" yelled Himizu, whacking Richard on the head harder then she had meant to and knocking him senseless… probably for a long time too.

"No kidding. Come on Kitsune. I'm trying to watch a swordfight here!" exclaimed Ryouko, sounding annoyed.

Saru was totally ignoring the TV screen. She was watching with interest as Miroku and Sango caught Kuwabara and began to beat him mercilessly with long heavy hard objects. Shizuru had been watching this entire performance without any emotion whatsoever, but now she roused herself and strode purposefully towards her brother and his tormenters. She grabbed Miroku by his robes and Sango by her hair, dragging both of them forcefully backwards and hurling them into the pool.

"That's enough! Only one person is allowed to beat up my brother and that person is me!" she declared fiercely. Sango and Miroku were cowed by the death glare she gave them. Shizuru then turned and marched over to her cringing younger brother. She then proceeded to give him a fiercer beating than any he could have received from ten Sango's and Miroku's. Saru settled back with some popcorn to watch this punishing beating.

Kitsune rolled her eyes. Obviously, her friends were not interesting in helping her. And Sesshoumaru, hearing the Blair Fluffy comment, was now VERY pissed off and flew at her in a fresh rage. In a panic, Kitsune hid behind Kurama.

"SAVEMESAVEMESAVEMESAVEME!" she screamed in his ear, deafening him. Kurama passed out on the floor. Kitsune then reached into his hair and pulled out his rose. She waved it in front of her like a weapon. "Back! Back Fluffy-san, back!" she yelled at him, still brandishing the rose.

Sesshoumaru froze and backed slowly away, his eyes wide with terror. "Stay back! Don't come near me!" he exclaimed, obviously frightened. Kitsune looked puzzled.

"Fluffy? What's the matter?" she asked, walking towards him, still holding the rose. Sesshoumaru swung his sword in a defensive motion, warning her off.

"Stay away from me you psychopath!" he yelled. Kitsune moved a few steps closer.

"Fluffy? Are you feeling okay? You look really pale. Are you sick? Do we need to call 911? Oh my gosh! Fluffy is sick! He needs emergency medical attention! Quick, somebody call a doctor!" She ran towards Fluffy with the intention of grabbing his arm and dragging him off to find a phone, but Sesshoumaru sheathed his sword, turned, and ran for his life.

"Stay away from me with that goddamn flower!" he yelled, hiding in a corner. Kitsune screeched to a halt.

"Wait. You're not sick? You're… afraid? Of this flower? Now I'm confused. The great Sesshoumaru is afraid of flowers?" Kitsune looked so puzzled Sesshoumaru would have burst out laughing, but now that she had discovered his greatest fear, he could not have felt less like laughing.

The pleasant conversation was interrupted by hysterical laughter. Sesshoumaru and Kitsune turned around slowly, somewhat freaked out. O.O

"What the---?" asked Kitsune. Sesshoumaru looked as though he were having trouble deciding whether to strangle her or run and hide. And with good reason. For Kitsune had so wisely left her video monitor on while she was running around in blind panic, so Himizu, Ryouko, and Saru had witnessed the whole thing and were now dying of laughter. Sesshoumaru groaned.

"My life is ruined. AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" he screamed, attacking Kitsune. She jumped backwards, brandishing the rose again. Sesshoumaru fled and hid in a corner.

Ryouko suddenly sat up. "I just had the best idea in the world!"

"WHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT!" cried Himizu happily. She knew it must have something to do with torturing Fluffy and she couldn't wait to help out.

Ryouko cackled in delight. "Oh Fluffy, you do realize that your brother is in my group? So I could just call him right now and…"

"NOO!" shrieked Sesshoumaru. "Oh God no! You wouldn't tell my brother about this would you? Please don't!"

Himizu cocked her head. "You know, I've only ever seen three Inuyasha episodes in my life, and you weren't in any of them, so I've never seen how you act on TV, but you're sure not giving me a good impression right now… A cringing coward… Not a very scary Lord of the Western whatever… I think that's what you are… Or maybe it's Eastern?"

"Nope, it's Western," Ryouko replied. "And I agree, he's not making a good impression. In the show, he's so much more evil and cruel and sadistic and COOL! But now, I'm kinda starting to revise my opinion of him…"

"And I have Koga, Sango, and Miroku here at the pool with me, how would Fluffy like it if I were to tell them about his little issue concerning floral plants?" Saru asked, snickering.

Sesshoumaru looked ready to either kill something or go insane… and then kill something… So basically he looked like he wanted to kill something.

"Well, if you guys do anything, I wanna be there to witness everything, so don't you dare do anything or I shall hunt you down and hurt you severely. Signing off now, cuz I wanna play my croquet game. Sayonara!" Himizu's screen gave a little flicker, then shut off.

Saru grinned wickedly. "Same goes for me Ryouko. Don't say anything to Inuyasha… yet." She also turned off her screen.

Ryouko looked at Kitsune. "And what do you think I should do?" she asked her friend.

"Ordinarily I'd beg you not to tell Inuyasha," Kitsune answered, "but under the circumstances, I feel that it's an appropriate punishment. Go ahead."

"Yay!" Ryouko squealed, looking ecstatic.

"No…" groaned Sesshoumaru. He could see his life flashing before his eyes as his younger half-brother taunted him and chased him with flowers. He could picture himself trying to attack his brother, but Inuyasha holding up a flower and turning him into a cringing terrified puppy dog. Ryouko cackled like a maniac, then signed off.

Kitsune glanced down at the flower in her hand, then at Sesshoumaru. She shrugged slightly and tucked the rose into her hair. She then pushed Kurama onto a couch so he could recover from being knocked unconscious. Sesshoumaru glared at Kurama.

"Damn fox. Why did he have to have that stupid flower in his hair? I should kill him…" he muttered. Kitsune looked horrified.

"How could you say such things!" she cried. "Just for that, Blair Fluffy, I won't protect you from Ryouko and Himizu!"

"STOP CALLING ME BLAIR FLUFFY, YOU WITCH!" he yelled at her, blowing her against the wall.

"STOP SHOUTING!" Kurama yelled at them, finally regaining consciousness.

"MAKE ME!" yelled Sesshoumaru.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" yelled Kitsune at Sesshoumaru.

"I'LL YELL AT HIM IF I WANT TO!" Sesshoumaru yelled at her.

"DON'T YOU YELL AT ME BLAIR FLUFFY!" Kitsune yelled at him.

"I SAID STOP YELLING!" Kurama shouted at both of them.

"WHY DON'T YOU MAKE ME, FOX BOY!" yelled Sesshoumaru.

"I SAID LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Kitsune screamed.

"WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE STOP YELLING!" Youko bellowed. Kurama was gone, and Youko was now in complete control.

"Youko! Why'd you have to come? I like Kurama!" Kitsune exclaimed, stamping her foot furiously.

Youko just laughed and walked forward to try and kiss Kitsune. She slapped him in the face. He looked pissed off and was about to yell at her or something when Sesshoumaru started freaking out.

"ACK! You're like the red-haired pansy! You control flowers! Flowers are bad! Flowers must die! AHHH!" Sesshoumaru then began running around in circles like an idiot.

Youko lifted his eyebrows and looked over at Kitsune. "What in the world did you do to him?" he asked her.

"Nothing, I swear it," she cried.

"Bull crap," he muttered. "This is ridiculous. I'm going to go scare Himizu or Ryouko."

"Creep," Kitsune muttered. " I want Kurama back. Oh well. Let's go somewhere else. Maybe the Karaoke Room…"

Himizu was busy playing croquet with her group, and winning by a lot despite her sudden fits of temper in which she would run off chasing some random leaf or bug and screaming like a maniac about liberating the world from soul-sucking demons like that. But now she was Poison and attacking Yana with amazing tenaciousness. Meanwhile Mitari and Sano were actually being tame and playing calmly with no intentions of running. Himizu's favorite tactic of giving pain to someone so they will obey had worked well and her bishies were like tame little puppies. As she slammed her ball into Yana's and knocked him out of the game, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around.

"Oh hello fox. What do you want?" she asked the silver-haired demon. He just smiled. Himizu's eyes narrowed. "Let's get one thing straight. You annoy me almost as much as Karasu and Kuwabara do. This means that I am not above hurting you with my trusty mallet. Now why don't you run off and find some nice alleys to stalk and some prostitutes to screw? Isn't that more to your taste? Besides, I am still underage and it's a crime to do what you want to do to me with me. If that didn't make sense, that's just too damn bad for you. Now scat!" Youko ducked a vicious swing from her mallet and scooted away towards the other end of the field.

"Hey, Himizu, do you know where Ryouko is?" he asked her.

"I have no idea. Why don't you go look for her? There aren't that many rooms, it should only take you 500 years to find her and you should be able to survive for a couple days before finding the kitchen if you're lucky. And did I mention that the robot servants are equipped with alarms and that our koala and panda security guards are trained to shoot you on sight?"

Youko stalked off muttering something about pissy teenage girls. Himizu cackled. "Okay, I'm done playing. Let's go somewhere else."

"Like where?" asked Beast Boy, walking off the croquet field. Richard tried desperately to dig himself out and Mousse ran over to assist Shampoo. Himizu considered Beast Boy's question for about ten seconds. Then she smiled.

"Let's go to the Skating Rink!" she cried. Her group set up a groan, but a glare from her sent them scooting back towards the mansion, the rink, and more chaos.

* * *

Saru: Okay, you evil bastards, I'm awake! Now let me go!

Ryouko: Let you go? So soon?

Himizu: Yeah, we're just getting started.

Ryouko and Himizu: (Singing) Let's get it started! Let's get it started in here! Let's get it started! Let's get it started in here! (Begin dancing outrageously to their own off-key singing)

Sano and Hiei: -.-() (Hit the girls on their heads with mallets)

Ryouko and Himizu: -.-# (Hit the boys on their heads with spiked clubs)

Saru: -.-#

Ryouko: Hey, don't look at us!

Himizu: Yeah, the guys thought this up, not us!

Sano and Hiei: HEY!

Ryouko and Himizu: Well, it's true!

Sano and Hiei: True…

Saru: -.-# Let me go!

Ryouko and Himizu: Not yet! Boys, you do the honors.

Sano and Hiei: 'Bout damn time! (They take large knives and cut the brownies, sending the sweet odor wafting into Saru's nostrils. They then begin to eat the brownies.)

Saru: O.O MINE! Mean bastards!

(Ryouko and Himizu join in and the foursome eat brownies)

Saru: Mew… T.T

Sano: Oh, we're still not done yet, missie.

Hiei: Not a bit.

Saru: O.O

(Sano and Hiei proceed to scoop up globs of mud and dump them on the brownies)

Saru: O.O T.T NOO!

A/N: I know I didn't answer who wins the swordfight between Kenshin and Hiei, but I do already know and I will tell you next chapter, but I really need to post this one, so we're going to have to wait. Read and Review! Ja ne!


	10. Karaoke Party

Himizu-chan: Hiya peeps! I'm back again, and I've got some bad news. Unless I get some major motivation in the next two days, this will be the only chapter for over a week. Why, you ask? Becuase I, Himizu-chan, will be taking a forensics course with Ryouko at Ohio Northern! YAY! (Dances around) YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! (Little too much sugar earlier, ne?) So yeah... I won't have any access to a computer until I get back, sometime around next Saturday... Also... TOMORROW'S MY LAST DAYOF SCHOOL, THANK THE HOLY DUCK! (Continues happy celebrations) Finally! I thought this year would never end and as of tomorrow, I am no longer a puny freshman! You have no idea how good that feels, unless you've been through the same thing. So yeah. Enough of my rantings. Review Responses!

Any Mew Moonlight: I like this penname better. I did? Really? Yay! I inspire people! (Dances around like an idiot) Wow... I'm really hyper today... I've danced three times already... Richard is going to die, I swear it... I would love to kill him, but I'm not allowed. T.TMiroku is an evil perverted bastard, but Youko is worse... at least Youko has some looks to make up for that though... Anywho, good luck on your story, and tell me when you post it, I wanna read it.

NightmareShadow: Thank you so much for saying that! Why haven't you been able to review? Yes, torture is very fun. It's my goal to torture all of them at some point. If you have any ideas, I could always use suggestions, but nothing for Conan or Kurama, AmnarRanma took care of them very effectively. (Cackles)

Mega-Doomer: I thought about that, but I really wanted Karou, Rachel, Botan, and Keiko to sing Warrior, and I didn't like the thought of Megumi, Koto, and Juri singing it... But I really did consider using it! You were the only person that actually recommended a song... odd... KEEP THE PINK APRON AWAY FROM ME! LET ME ENJOY MY FORENSICS CAMP IN PEACE! HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL, WHICH NEEDS ALL THE MERCY IT CAN GET!

Only three reviews? You guys make me sad. This is my favorite story too. T.T Oh well, thank you, you three who reviewed. I'll update after I get back from my camp! Enjoy this chapter!

**Chapter 10: Karaoke Party**

(Sano and Hiei have finished destroying Saru's brownies and are just sitting there. Saru is looking pissed off and Himizu and Ryouko had conjured up a laptop from nowhere and were busy taking stupid quizzes.)

Himizu: O.O WTF!

Ryouko: (Laughing so hard she can't move)

Sano and Hiei: -.- Baka onnas.

Saru: What is it?

Himizu: O.O I just took a random quiz on the Internet and it said that I would be the perfect partner in crime. Woohoo! (She begins to dance around happily) But I only have a 29 chance of going to hell… what's up with this?

Ryouko: I would have thought it would be 100… But this is still funny! (Continues to laugh like a maniac.)

Himizu: And now I'm a member of the Japanese mafia. Peace out dudes! (Flashes Anime peace sign)

Ryouko: WHAT! (Stares at computer) Whoa… I wanna take the quiz!

Himizu: And it says I should be a mental patient for Halloween! I love this website!

Ryouko: Give me that laptop!

Himizu: And it says that I'm somewhat scary and should use that as a weapon.

Ryouko: GIVE ME THE GODDAMN LAPTOP!

Himizu: (From twenty miles away) YA WANNA SHOUT ANY LOUDER! I'M SURE THE PEOPLE IN NEW ZEALAND WOULD LOVE TO HEAR OUR ARGUMENT!

Ryouko: THEN WE MUST GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO ENJOY!

Hiei and Sano: -.-#

(Hiei walks up to Ryouko and Sanosuke walks twenty miles to find Himizu. They both stand next to the said girl and proceed to slap them several times.)

Ryouko and Himizu: … X.X

(Sano throws Himizu over his shoulder and walks back to Hiei, Ryouko, and Saru.)

(Ryouko and Himizu are dumped unceremoniously on the ground on either side of Saru's chair)

Sano and Hiei: Baka onnas.

Saru: Why won't anyone let me out!

* * *

Saru yawned aloud as she stretched and stood up from her seat where she had been sitting for nearly an hour watching Kuwabara get killed and various people being drowned in the pool. Now she was bored. So she decided to take them to the main computer room.

"This room has a dozen computers, all of which are connected to wireless Internet and have every game imaginable. You can do anything on this computer short of downloading porn and such like that, anyone that does will be punished severely in the torture chambers, and then sung to by the singing ferrets and stomped on by the stampeding wombats before finally getting fed to the killer plants," she told them.

Everyone sweatdropped before they settled down. Kuno and Ranma started fighting while Akane ignored them and sat at a computer with Sango. Sango glared daggers at Miroku, who was plainly craving a brisk bout with porn sites, but fearing her retribution. Yukina was watching Kuwabara play arcade games and lose horribly at every single one of them. Shizuru was also surfing the Net, but Chuu had passed out on the couch nearby. Koga, Touya, and Yahiko had each chosen a computer and were timidly trying it out, interested in this strange device that they had never seen before. Saru was oblivious to everything as she began to surf the Net like a demon possessed.

Ryouko was now bored with the Kenshin vs. Hiei fight. She had tried three or four times to make them stop, but they positively refused. So she decided to force them to at the very least call for a rematch. It took a while, but after assuring them that they could have a rematch later, and after many heads were bashed with a mallet, the two swordsmen finally agreed to have a rematch after they did some exploring. So off they went to the gym.

Once there, Ryouko divided them into teams. She, Hiei, Conan, Heiji, and Jin were on a team against Kido, Kaito, Inuyasha, Kenshin, and Ryoga. Genkai, Starfire, and Raven were the referees. Ryouko then began to instruct her team on the finer points of basketball, leaving that task up to Kido and Kaito for the other team. Hiei just glared at her as she explained, and she put her arm teasingly around his shoulders.

"Don't worry Hiei, you'll be great. You have all the speed and strength for running and jumping, so all we have to do is teach you how to dribble, pass, and shoot."

"But Ryouko, that's the entire game!" protested Conan.

"Exactly!" she said happily, causing her team to fall over.

Meanwhile, Kitsune's group had reached the karaoke room. It was perfect for karaoke, with a giant stage, plenty of microphones, dozens of CD's, and a lovely giant monitor so the words of the song could be displayed for everyone. With one last look around to make sure that Kurama hadn't returned, Kitsune mounted the stage herself. She loved karaoke and wanted to try to make everyone relax so they would sing too. She had also brought a video camera and thought that this could make interesting blackmail. So she stood on the stage and sang Get This Party Started, by Pink.

"_I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started _

_I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started _

_Get this party started on a Saturday night _

_Everybody's waitin for me to arrive _

_Sendin' out the message to all of my friends _

_We'll be lookin flashy in my Mercedes Benz _

_I got lotsa style, got my gold diamond rings _

_I can go for miles if you know what I mean _

_I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started _

_I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started _

_Pumpin up the volume, breakin down to the beat _

_Cruisin' through the west side _

_We'll be checkin' the scene _

_Boulevard is freakin' as I'm comin' up fast _

_I'll be burnin' rubber, you'll be kissin' my ass _

_Pull up to the bumper, get out of the car _

_License plate says Stunner #1 Superstar _

_I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started _

_I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started _

_Get this party started _

_Makin my connection as I enter the room _

_Everybody's chillin as I set up the groove _

_Pumpin' up the volume with this brand new beat _

_Everybody's dancin and they're dancin for me _

_I'm your operator, you can call anytime _

_I'll be your connection to the party line _

_I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started _

_I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started _

_I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started _

_I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started _

_Get this party started _

_Get this party started right now _

_Get this party started _

_Get this party started _

_Get this party started right now!"_

"Ah, if only Youko could see you now!" Yusuke laughed. "I bet he would have loved that!"

"JERK!" yelled Kitusne. "Fine, if you're so smart, let's see you try some!"

Yusuke walked up and took the mike and started singing Minority, by Green Day.

"_I wanna be the minority_

_I don't need your authority_

_Down with the moral majority_

_'Cause I wanna be the minority_

_I pledge allegiance to the underworld_

_One nation under dog_

_There of which I stand alone_

_A face in the crowd_

_Unsung, against the mold_

_Without a doubt_

_Singled out_

_The only way I know_

_I wanna be the minority_

_I don't need your authority_

_Down with the moral majority_

_'Cause I wanna be the minority_

_Stepped out of the line_

_Like a sheep runs from the herd_

_Marching out of time_

_To my own beat now_

_The only way I know_

_One light, one mind_

_Flashing in the dark_

_Blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts_

_"For crying out loud" she screamed unto me_

_A free for all_

_Fuck 'em all_

_You are your own sight_

_I wanna be the minority_

_I don't need your authority_

_Down with the moral majority_

_'Cause I wanna be the minority_

_I wanna be the minority_

_I don't need your authority_

_Down with the moral majority_

_'Cause I wanna be the minority_

_I wanna be the minority_

_I don't need your authority_

_Down with the moral majority_

_'Cause I wanna be the minority!"_

Although she wanted to slap him for the cuss word, Kitsune had to admit that Yusuke had done a pretty good job. Now she turned to the rest of her group.

"You're all gonna have to sing something sooner or later, so let's get going! Come on people, sing your hearts out!"

Rachel nudged Karou, who nodded. They tapped Botan and Keiko on the shoulders and whispered to them. The other two girls nodded and the foursome went on stage. They chose to sing Warrior, by Scandal. (Yes, it's kind of an old song, but it rocks! If you ever get a chance to listen to it, take it!)

"_You run, run, run away  
It's your heart that you betray  
Feeding on your hungry eyes  
I bet you're not so civilized  
Well, isn't love primitive  
A wild gift that you wanna give  
Break out of captivity  
And follow me, stereo jungle child  
Love is the kill, your heart's still wild  
Shootin' at the walls of heartache, bang, bang, I am the warrior  
Well I am the warrior, and heart to heart you'll win if you survive_

_The warrior...the warrior  
You talk, talk, you talk to me  
Your eyes touch me physically  
Stay with me, we'll take the night  
As passion takes another bite  
Who's the hunter? Who's the game?  
I feel the beat, call your name  
I hold you close in victory  
I don't wanna tame your animal style  
You won't be caged in the call of the wild  
Shootin' at the walls of heartache, bang, bang, I am the warrior  
Well I am the warrior, and heart to heart you'll win if you survive_

_The warrior...the warrior  
Shootin' at the walls of heartache (shootin' at the walls of heartache)  
The warrior  
I am the warrior, and heart to heart you'll win  
heart to heart you'll win if you survive  
The warrior...the warrior  
Shootin' at the walls of heartache, bang, bang, I am the warrior  
Yes I am the warrior and victory is mine  
The warrior...the warrior!"_

Kitsune cheered wildly out loud, and internally cackled at the thought of showing this video to their boyfriends or crushes or whatever… actually, just to Kenshin and Conan, since Yusuke and Koenma had already seen and about had their jaws falling out of place at the sight of their close girl friends singing that song. Keiko had repeatedly winked at Yusuke and he looked like he was about to die… in a good way… he was blushing like crazy. Koenma was definitely seeing another side of Botan than he was used to; she was so different from the bubbly but respectful assistant that he was used to. Kitsune couldn't help but laugh aloud and turned to the rest of her group. "Okay, who wants to follow that little performance?" she asked.

After some deliberation, Megumi, Koto, and Juri stood up and took their own mikes. They then began to sing I'm Outta Love, by Anastacia.

"_Ooooha  
Whoa  
Yeah yeha yeah yeah  
Oh yeah  
Aha  
Now baby come on  
Don't claim that love you never let me feel  
I should have known  
'Cause you've brought nothing real  
Come on be a man about it  
You won't die  
I ain't got no more tears to cry  
And I can't take this no more  
You know I gotta let it go  
And you know  
I'm outta love  
Set me free  
And let me out this misery  
Just show me the way to get my life again  
'Cause you can't handle me  
I'm outta love  
Can't you see  
Baby that you gotta set me free  
I'm outta love  
Yeah  
Said how many times  
Have I tried to turn this love around?  
But every time  
You just let me down  
Come on be a man about it  
You'll survive  
True that you can work it out all right  
Tell me, yesterday  
Did you know?  
I'd be the one to let you go?  
And you know  
I'm outta love  
Set me free  
And let me out this misery  
Just show me the way to get my life again  
You can't handle me  
I'm outta love  
Can't you see  
Baby that you gotta set me free  
I'm outta  
Let me get over you  
The way you've gotten over me too, yeah  
Seems like my time has come  
And now I'm moving on  
I'll be stronger  
I'm outta love  
Set me free  
And let me out this misery  
Show me the way to get my life again  
You can't handle me  
I'm outta love  
Set me free  
And let me out this misery  
Show me the way to get my life again  
You can't handle me  
I'm outta love  
Can't you see  
Baby that you gotta set me free  
I'm outta love  
Yeah yeah yeah yeah  
I'm outta love  
Set me free  
And let me out this misery  
Just show me the way to get my life again  
You can't handle me  
I'm outta love  
Set me free  
And let me out this misery!"_

Everyone cheered wildly after this display. Youko was still off somewhere, Sesshoumaru was still muttering about flowers, and the only ones left were Hagari and Koenma. Koenma shook his head and glared with all the dignity of a Reiki prince despite the puppy eyes that the girls were shooting at him. He had firmly decided not to degrade himself by singing karaoke. Hagari was also glaring at everyone. Kitsune stepped up to him and tapped him on the arm several times, giving him cute puppy eyes. He glared at her furiously, then suddenly pulled out one of his marbles. (For those of you who really don't know who Hagari is, he's a sniper who uses ordinary things like pencils, marbles, and dice, and turns them into deadly weapons by coating them with spirit energy or something like that…) Kitsune, picturing the destruction of her karaoke set, backed down promptly.

"Okay, okay, you don't have to do anything! Don't hurt the sacred karaoke machine!" she cried. Hagari's mouth curved into something resembling a smile. Kitsune looked at the rest of her group. "So, does anyone want to sing again?"

* * *

Ryouko and Himizu: X.X

Saru: Z.Z

Sano and Hiei: -.-

Sano: This is boring… Got any threes?

Hiei: Go fish.

Sano: Bastard… (Draws card) Oh hell!

Hiei: Got any sevens?

Sano: -.-# (Throws cards to Hiei in disgust)

Hiei: I win again. (Evil smirk)

Sano: Damn you. That's fifty-three in a row!

Hiei: Ready for game fifty-four?

Sano: Sure…

Himizu: KONNICHIWA! (Glomps Sano)

Ryouko: GASHI! (Glomps Hiei)

Saru: Huh? (Still half-asleep)

Ryouko and Himizu: (Whack their bishies on their heads with mallets) WHY DID YOU SLAP US, YOU BULLIES!

Sano: Why can't we slap you? You hit us all the time!

Hiei: With mallets, clubs, and anything hard and painful you can lay your hands on!

Ryouko and Himizu: Girls are more delicate; everyone knows that.

Sano and Hiei: Not you two!

Saru: -.-# Stop arguing and untie me, damn you all!

Ryouko and Himizu: FORGET IT!

Saru: -.-# I shall have revenge…

A/N: Uh oh… Saru wants revenge! I need some suggestions! What should Saru do as revenge to her two friends? Next chapter, no more karaoke, but lots more beatings, fighting, arguments… The usual. Read and Review! Ja ne!


	11. Torturing the Youko

A/N: Well, here I am again. Sorry I haven't updated, but I've been battling MAJOR writer's block since I returned home, so... -.-() Well, guess what. On Sunday, I leave for another week! Today being Friday, I better work my ass off if I wanna post another chapters. We'll see if I can do it. Now, review responses.

Mega-Doomer: Thank you so much for the pink apron. Well, Saru thanks you. I certainly don't. (Shudder) But hey, she needs something to torture us with. And frankly I had no ideas, so I'm glad you let me take it.

wonderingprophet: Well, welcome to the land of the updating, grasshopper. Glad to see you're back. If you even think again about putting spider tatoos near me, I'll rip out your stomach and stuff it up you nose to the space where your brain should be but isn't. I would have said your heart, but you don't have one of those either.

**Chapter 11: Torturing the Youko**

Saru: (Thinking… A great and rare occasion.) How do I get Himizu and Ryouko to untie me? (Decides to pray to the devil) I know! I'll pray to the devil! Hee hee hee…

(Himizu, Ryouko, Sano, and Hiei are playing marathon Uno and not paying attention to anything Saru is doing)

Saru: (Begins to dance around, while still tied to the chair… O.o She also starts chanting in Japanese.) Ijin mashin akuma debiru akki maou! Ijin mashin akuma debiru akki maou! Ijin mashin akuma debiru akki maou! Ijin mashin akuma debiru akki maou! (A/N: All these are Japanese words for devil.)

Himizu and Ryouko: SARU! STOP TRYING TO SUMMON THE DEVIL! YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME!

FLASHBACK

(Entire continents of Antarctica and Australia on fire)

Saru: Oh shit…

Ryouko and Himizu: BAKAYAROU!

END FLASHBACK

Saru: Hehehe…

Ryouko and Himizu: -.- You never learn, do you?

Saru: NOPE!

(Pink apron falls out of the sky and lands on Saru)

Saru: WTF mate?

Ryouko and Himizu: OMG IT'S &#&# PINK!

Saru: No kidding… Wow… Never would've guessed… NOW LET ME OUT OF THIS CHAIR OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE PINK APRON!

Sano and Hiei?.?

Ryouko and Himizu: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Disclaimer: Yes, I know I haven't had a disclaimer for the last couple chapters! I'm a horrible person! But you know what… That's just too bad! (Lawyers glare from locked cages with singing ferrets singing merrily behind them.) Yeah… We kinda knew that was gonna happen, didn't we? Now, about the damn disclaimer. You should have this figured out already. I don't own the Anime characters, but I own almost everything else!

* * *

Himizu finally pushed open the doors to the skating rink. It had taken about twenty minutes to walk there, which was pretty short considering how big the mansion was. It had been designed to resemble Nationwide Arena, where the Columbus Blue Jackets played. (I don't own either of those, though I wish I did… T.T) The gang laced up some skates and slid onto the ice. Beast Boy proved that he had no talent for skating and promptly fell on his face. To remedy this, he turned into a bright green penguin, which began to flop comically about over the ice. Himizu, on the other hand, looked as though she'd been born wearing ice skates and had seized a hockey stick and puck out of nowhere and was skating around happily. 

"I love hockey. It's not every sport that allows you to beat people up while still calling that part of the sport," she said calmly. "Some people say that's the only reason I love it, which is NOT true, but fighting has its perks." Everyone stared at Himizu like she was insane, then realized she was and there was no reason why they shouldn't feel like that, so they stopped. Himizu looked at them utterly confused for several minutes, then shook her head and went back to imitating Brett and Dennis Hull and smashing pucks against the glass around the rinks. (A/N: I don't own the Hull brothers and they didn't play for Columbus, so I don't care about them (plus they were before my time)…)

* * *

Ryouko passed the ball over to Hiei after Jin won the toss-up, and Hiei easily dribbled the ball down the court. He jumped and made a perfect slam-dunk. Ryouko high-fived him and Jin. Conan and Heiji laughed aloud. They had figured the advantage of using the Wind Master as their center, since he had the ability to fly, and Hiei was far too fast for anyone on the other team to catch. However, Kido used his powers to step on Hiei's shadow and hold him in place. So Jin flew the ball up to the basket and made a shot. Kaito then used his powers to make it Taboo for anyone to talk in an Irish accent, so the second Jin thanked Ryouko for her compliment at his skills; his soul was sucked out of his body. 

Of course, this meant that only Inuyasha, Kenshin, and Ryoga were left playing and Ryoga was wandering around lost at one end of the gym trying to figure out where his basket was. Inuyasha and Kenshin were also at a disadvantage since they had never played basketball in their lives. Ryouko, Conan, and Heiji put their heads together and it didn't take them long to come up with a full-proof plan to defeat their opponents.

* * *

Saru was typing away furiously on the computer and obsessively watching the Llama Song for the five hundred billionth time in a row. (Issues, that child has so many issues) As she stared at the computer, she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

"Go away Youko. Don't touch me," she said without moving her gaze from the computer screen.

Youko cussed under his breath. Sometimes he was sure those girls were demons. "Why?" he asked. "I like it here."

"Whatever. Leave me alone. Go molest somebody in a random alley and get thrown in jail. Then you'll never get out! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!"

"You know, that's almost exactly what Himizu told me to do."

"Good, she does have a brain."

"If you're comparing her to you, then neither of you have brains."

"Touché."

Youko smirked at her. Saru's eye twitched and she slapped him.

"GO AWAY ALREADY! HOLY HELL FOX!" she yelled.

Youko stalked off, rubbing the side of his face. "Female mood swings. Hate them. Must be her time of the month of something." A giant elephant-sized rock hit him and pinned him to the ground.

"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU STUPID YOUKAI! GO AWAY OR I'LL SIC MY RABID GORILLAS ON YOU!" Saru screamed at the unconscious fox. "Stupid Bastard…"

* * *

Kitsune had been serenading (Cough cough torturing cough) her gang with the song Cruel Summer. Hagari had been obsessively lining up multitudes of dice, marbles, and pencils and carefully covering them with his spirit energy so they would have the power to blow up the first thing they touched. The glares he was shooting at the karaoke machine boded extremely ill for the harmless lump of metal. Oblivious to this, Kitsune kept right on singing. Hagari felt that he would explode if he didn't blow up the karaoke set and stop Kitsune's caterwauling.

* * *

Ryouko, Conan, and Heiji faced off against Inuyasha and Kenshin since Ryoga still hadn't figured out where the game was being played at. The plan was a very simple one. Ryouko blocked Kenshin, and since he's such a gentleman, he didn't plow her over. Heiji, on the other hand, blocked Inuyasha viciously and the two of them started fighting in some bizarre sequel to their brawl back in the training room. With no one to block him, Conan hit one of the bizarre gadgets on his shoes and flew up to land a perfect shot into the basket. Since there was no point in playing a 2 on 1 against Kenshin, Conan and Ryouko decided to spare their opponents and declared the game over. Starfire, Raven, and Genkai were trying to pry Heiji and Inuyasha apart as they strove to beat each other into a bloody pulp. Kido and Kaito ran over to help, releasing Jin and Hiei from the clutches of their powers. Hiei and Kenshin looked at each other, shrugged, and drew their swords. 

"HEY! NOT HERE, BAKAS! THAT'S WHAT THE TRAINING ROOM IS FOR, GODDAMNIT! THE GYM IS FOR BASKETBALL! THE SWORDS STAY IN THEIR SHEATHES! DO YOU HEAR ME!" Ryouko bellowed, her voice echoing through the house and reaching the ears of a certain silver-haired slut.

"Yes Miss Ryouko," murmured Kenshin respectfully. Hiei, on the other hand, glared daggers at Ryouko, who returned them with a toss of her hair.

"You better listen to me Hiei-chan. I could have you locked up with those killer plants or singing ferrets so fast it would make your head spin."

"Just try to hurt me with some of your pathetic mutated creations," he snapped scornfully.

Ryouko's eyes sparkled and her lips parted in an evil smile. "Are you sure?" she asked, looking suddenly delighted. Hiei felt a faint tingle of apprehension.

"Try it. I dare you," he said, without any of the confidence his voice was ringing with.

"Fine. But remember, you asked for it." Then she started running in circles around him, yelling, "YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK!"

"Aw shit…" muttered Hiei as Ryouko leapt to one side. That was all he had time to say because he was flattened by the stampeding wombats. Ryouko started cackling like a maniac.

"That was nicely done," a low voice whispered in her ear. Ryouko jumped a mile.

"Youko! Hey! How's life? Slept with any interesting girls lately? Stolen anything lately? Hey, did you ever steal that cursed jewel I asked you for? I've been waiting for that for a month now."

"Been busy. Shuuichi doesn't like stealing you know," Youko replied, ignoring most of her questions. "I'll get it for you soon."

"Thank you," Ryouko said, turning away from him and facing the flattened fire youkai. "So, who else have you bothered today, besides myself?"

"Everybody."

"Not very smart of you then."

"Oh hush. A fox has to have some fun somehow."

"I would have thought you'd be smart enough to have fun in a less hazardous manner. You know Himizu hates your guts and Saru isn't far behind."

"It amuses me."

"And I guess it also amuses you to get the shit beaten out of you by a psycho girl like Himizu who is convinced that you're about to molest her?"

"Well…"

"I rest my case. What did she say to you this time?"

"Stuff about how I should go screw prostitutes, how she hoped I would starve to death after getting lost in the mansion, how the panda and koala security guards would shoot me on sight, etc."

"Whoa! When did that happen! I better talk to General Scooter about that one! I don't want you shot of sight. You need a fair trial before you're shot!"

"Oh thank you. You're so kind." Said in the most sarcastic tone possible.

"You're damned right I am! Who's going to pay you very handsomely for stealing the Hope Diamond or whatever it's called? Stupid name, there's no hope for anyone that has it, they all die."

"Then why do you want it so badly if it's just going to kill you?"

"I'm sort of hoping to dispose of some of my enemies with it without actually handling it myself."

"So where does that leave me?"

"Well, since you have to handle it to steal it, you're kinda screwed, aren't you?"

"Damn… I think I'll have to refuse this job."

"Well screw you! I'll find someone else to steal it!"

"Fine. You do that."

"I will. And then I'll pay THEM with a cool million plus a kiss."

"WHAT! When did a kiss become part of the deal?"

"Uh, just now, no da."

"Whoa, hey, is it too late for me to sign back up for the job!" Youko asked, looking VERY eager.

(-.-()) "… Perv…" muttered Ryouko.

"Not you too!" Youko exclaimed, looking very dejected.

"Well, what did you want me to say? 'Oh, isn't that sexy fox beast wonderful, oh he wants a kiss from me, I'm in heaven!' In your dreams!"

"Aw man. Well, it's a good dream."

(-.-#) "Time for your mallet therapy."

"Aw shit." Youko ran for his life as Ryouko chased him with a mallet, having finally become annoyed with the fox. She was the only authoress that could actually stand being around the fox for more than ten minutes before he started getting on her nerves. Himizu, on the other hand, could barely stand having him around for ten seconds. But even Ryouko's patience had its limits and she rather enjoyed chasing the fox around with a mallet for a while as she waited for her group to stop brawling and actually start doing something fun. Wait! Brawling was fun! Why wasn't she brawling? Because she had lost her mind. How could she tell? She was thinking to herself in third person, that's how! So she slapped herself and started randomly beating the crap out of the first person she could lay her hands on, which incidentally turned out to be Ryoga. And life was good.

* * *

Youko was bored and pissed off. All four girls had tried to beat the living crap out of him and Shuuichi was yelling at him. So Youko headed towards the girls' private bedrooms. Shuuichi flipped out completely at that point and started screaming at the fox about being more polite and less perverted. 

"Oh not you too! My other self should not call me perverted!" Youko complained in his head.

"What do you want me to call you? You are perverted! Accept that. Then get rid of those perverted thoughts!"

"No! I was here first! This is my spirit here! You're way too much of a goody-goody anyways."

"And I'm the one that doesn't usually get beat up by these girls because I'm not the one that looks through their private stuff and tries to flirt with them and seduce them!"

"Oh shut up! Why do you have to be so right all the time, damnit!"

"Because that's just how I am! If you don't like it, tough! Now get away from their rooms!"

"Make me, pansy."

Shuuichi could only fume as Youko walked down the hall where only four doors appeared. One was covered in sparkly stuff and band symbols (Kitsune's), one was covered in wolves, Law & Order cast members, and pictures of instruments of death (Ryouko's), one was covered with random pictures, including chickens, green hamsters, and knives (Saru's), and one was covered with pictures of C.S.I. cast members, crime scene tape, pictures of dead people, and pictures of the Blue Jackets (Himizu's). Youko, being the genius fox that he is, decided that he wanted to explore Himizu's room first. We don't know why he decided this, but he did.

Himizu's room was dramatically decorated with similar pictures to the ones on her door, plus a bunch of yin-yang's. These weren't ordinary yin-yang's either. They were red and blue, symbolizing the fire and water she was named after. She had a giant bed, a bunch of pillows and beanbags everywhere, a giant bookshelf stuffed with mystery books and mangas, a massive CD collection, and a humongous sound system. Youko poked around for several minutes, trying to decide what would be best to steal. Her jewelry was pretty pitiful in his mind, just a few beaded bracelets flung on a table, and there were no shiny things in sight. So he kept poking around and finally decided to steal her stereo equipment. As he was dragging it out of the room, he bumped into a table that was home to a shrine of her idol, Blue Jackets superstar Rick Nash. The signed photos, bobble head figurines, incense candles, and other paraphernalia were barely jarred, but immediately red and blue lights began flashing around him and a piercing siren started wailing.

At the skating rink

"Holy son of a sick monkey's uncle, who in the name of dragonflies and cauliflower is in my room!" yelled Himizu, tearing off in the direction of her room. The members of the group stared after her. No one in the other three groups seemed to have heard or cared about the sound.

Back in Himizu's room

"Son of a b----" Youko began, but all of a sudden an avenging fury of doom appeared in the doorway wielding a scythe and intent on killing him.

Actually it was just an avenging Himizu wielding an oversized croquet mallet intent on killing him. No need to be too dramatic when it comes to her.

Youko gulped. "Um, hi Himizu. Did I ever tell you how beautiful, intelligent, and wonderful you are? Heh heh heh…"

Himizu's eyes started glowing all red and evil-like. "Youko. Have you ever met death? Have you ever looked it in the eye? Has your mouth ever gone dry and your eyes start twitching uncontrollably as you tremble from the fear of death? If you haven't, now is you chance. And you may as well take advantage of it because you will never get another opportunity."

* * *

Saru: UNTIE ME! NOW! 

Ryouko and Himizu: KEEP THE PINK APRON AWAY FROM US!

Saru: THEN UNTIE ME!

Sano and Hiei: … (Anime fall)

Saru: So, you fear the pink apron! Well, untie me or it will never vanish!

Ryouko and Himizu: We're not going to untie you until it's away from you! The pink will contaminate us!

Saru: BASTARDS!

Sano and Hiei: -.- (Pop popcorn and get giant bowls of sweet snow)

Sano: This could take a while.

Hiei: No, ya think!

Saru: UNTIE ME!

A/N: OMG, I MUST BE INSANE! Youko fans are going to come and they're going to kill me! They're going to mutilate me and have me bleed to death and burn me at the stake and chop me up into little pieces and burn those pieces and try to feed them to a cat and throw them off the Empire State Building and burn whatever's left until it floats away in the wind and lands in the ocean and kills an innocent dolphin! NOOO, NOT THE DOLPHINS! SPARE THE DOLPHINS! Whew… I think I had a little too much sugar earlier. Besides, if Hiei fans didn't kill me for all the Hiei torture that I've been doing, there's no reason for Youko fans to kill me now, right? (Looks pleadingly at all the Youko fans, then hides behind computer) Saru will be released… soon… (Shifty eyes) Anywho, read and review! Ja ne!


	12. Ah the Torture

A/N: I MADE IT! IT ALMOST KILLED ME, BUT I UPDATED BEFORE I LEFT! I'm kidding, this chapter was fun to write. Phew. I hope you guys like this one. I'll try to update soon after I get home. I get home on Friday, but I'll kinda need to write the chapter first... Well, we'll see. Now, review responses!

AmnarRanma: Hey, you're reviewing again! Yay! Youko is okay on the TV show, but if he and I were in the same vicinity... well... Watch Out!I have updated! Woot! Yay! (Dies from overwriting) Damn, I'm gonna have blisters on my fingers...

That's all since it's only been one day since I last updated. Hope you guys enjoy this!

**Chapter 12: Ah the Torture**

Saru: LET ME GO! I HATE YOU GUYS! (Continues chasing Ryouko and Himizu around, still tied to a chair, and still waving the pink apron)

Ryouko and Himizu: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Sano and Hiei are now playing Uno, which is a strangely addicting game. I should know, having played it for at least ten hours during my forensics camp with a bunch of people, usually in the small hours of the morning.)

Sano: Blue two.

Hiei: Blue draw two.

Sano: Damn you.

Hiei: Wild draw four.

Sano: You bastard.

Hiei: I know. (Evil smirk)

BAM!

(Hiei and Sano are knocked over with huge lumps on their heads, courtesy of two well-aimed croquet mallets wielded by Ryouko and Himizu)

Ryouko: That'll teach you to play cards when we're running for our lives from a deranged monkey!

Himizu: And that'll teach you to use my Uno cards! Buy your own damn cards!

Sano and Hiei: … X.X

Saru: UNTIE ME OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE PINK APRON!

Ryouko and Himizu: Aw crap! RUN AWAY! (Run away)

Disclaimer: The authoress has decided not to do any more disclaimers and has given the job to Bob the frog.

Bob: Ribbit.

Himizu-chan: You're fired! I don't own the Animes! I didn't invent the game Uno! But I own Uno cards! My Uno cards! Not yours! Mine! (Hisses wildly)

* * *

Youko stared in wide-eyed freaked-out about-to-have-a-nervous-breakdown horror at the avenging… devil… Himizu. She looked like she was seriously about to kill him. 

"What did I do!" he managed to squeak out.

Himizu's eyes flashing like fire at that statement. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU DID! YOU BROKE INTO MY ROOM, YOU TRIED TO STEAL MY STEREO EQUIPMENT, AND AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, YOU ALSO MOVED THE STUFF ON MY SHRINE! THAT IS OFF-LIMITS TO EVERYONE! EVERYONE BUT ME, AND YOU ARE NOT ME! THANK GOD FOR THAT! AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR INSOLENCE, YOU MAKAI-DAMNED BASTARD OF A YOUKAI KITSUNE! YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO SPEAK OR THINK, MUCH LESS MOVE BY THE TIME I'M DONE WITH YOU, GODDAMNIT, YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR YOUR INSOLNCE YOU DAMN FOX!" She paused to inhale, seeing as she hadn't inhaled during that entire lecture.

Youko 'meep'ed and scooted away from her into a corner. Himizu shook her head, slightly put off track by the fox's sudden movement and unusual show of terror and humility. Then she shook her head and advanced again, brandishing the croquet mallet. She was also holding a nuclear bomb that she seemed to have conjured from thin air. Youko's quick devious kitsune mind was racing and he came up with a logical conclusion. She was mad at him, not Shuuichi. So if he transformed into Shuuichi, he would be safe and she wouldn't attack him or Shuuichi. Naturally, Shuuichi himself had a few objections to this plan.

"Are you mad! What in the world makes you think she won't attack me just because she can't see you anymore! Maybe she'll decide that by killing me, she'll also kill you! Then where will we be?"

"Well, you'll be dead. And I'll probably have to run for it. So you're screwed."

"I hate you!"

"Good. Now get out there, you pansy."

Himizu was about to beat Youko with the croquet mallet when there was a brief flash of light and Kurama appeared in front of her. She jumped a mile.

"KURAMA! WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS INSANE IN THE WORLD DID YOU SHOW UP FOR!" she bellowed as Kurama ducked, covering his head with his hands and curling into a ball to try and protect himself form her inevitable blows. He was pleasantly surprised when she threw her bomb out the window, blowing up a random demon that was skulking around. "Damn spies. Enma never did get over us running out of his control like that…" She shook her head to try to get back on track, then turned back to the cowering Kurama. Realizing that she was scaring the shit out of him, she threw her mallet into a corner of the room and allowed her eyes to shift from blazing red to mild blue. She then took several deep breaths to calm herself down. "Okay… Let's take it from the top… Kurama what in the name of all that is insane did you come out for?" she asked in a much calmer and more reasonable tone of voice. Kurama blinked at her from under one of his arms. Seeing her unarmed and much calmer looking then she'd been three seconds ago, he timidly started uncurling from his defensive position.

"Youko forced me out. He said that you'd be less likely to kill me than him, so he wanted me out here so he wouldn't die," he explained simply.

"Oh that's just great. That bloody coward! Goddamnit! Stupid little Makai-damned bastard. I have half a mind to kill you just to kill him, but I won't because I value my life and Kitsune would kill me if I killed you. So as a matter of self-preservation, I shall spare your life. I think Kitsune's group was headed to the library. Down that hall, up those stairs, take a right, walk for a while, fifth passage on the left, and the third door on the right. Got that?"

Kurama blinked at her, then nodded slowly.

"Great! I left my group at the skating rink and now I better go find them before they kill each other or destroy my rink. See you later!" And saying so, she skipped off singing 'It's the End of the World as We Know It' by REM at the top of her lungs. Kurama stared after her in bewilderment before walking off in the direction she'd indicated, glad to have escaped from that encounter alive. But as he left, he reflected that that song was perfect when it came to Himizu.

* * *

Ryouko was bored now. The brawling had stopped and everyone was resting. Ryouko thought for a few minutes. Where should she go next? Then it hit her and her eyes lit up happily. She leapt to her feet. 

"GET UP, YA PEEPS! We're going to the basement!"

Everyone stared at her. Ryouko dramatically pointed her hand in one direction and marched off, still pointing her hand. She walked out of the gym and vanished. The Anime characters just sat there staring at the door in stupefied silence. Then Ryouko came back. She grinned at them sheepishly.

"Whoops, my mistake. The basement's this way," she said, trotting off in the other direction. Her group did a perfect Anime fall, and every one of them had about 300 sweatdrops on their heads.

* * *

Kitsune finished her song, and was flipping through the rest of her songs. "Hm… What should I sing next?" she muttered to herself, oblivious to the fact that most everyone had put on earmuffs a long time ago and were waiting for her to finish. However, Hagari's patience was at an end. Without moving from his seat next to the door, he flicked one of his marbles at the wall near Kitsune's head. He fired and there was a loud explosion. She hit the floor screaming like a banshee. "GET DOWN! HIT THE DECKS! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK! THE RUSSIANS HAVE FINALLY FOUND US! HIMIZU HAS LOST HER MIND AT LAST! KARASU IS BACK! EVERY HUMAN AND DEMON FOR THEMSELVES!" she screamed. 

"Oh, knock it off, baka!" exclaimed Yusuke, who had gotten over his shock quickly. "It's just Hagari telling you to knock it off. And it's about time too!" he added thoughtfully. Kitsune ignored him.

"ARE YOU MAD! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME, YOU TRIGGER-HAPPY MANIAC!"

"Oh, what a pity I missed you then…"

"BASTARD! Oh well, at least you didn't hurt the karaoke set…"

Hagari smirked and lifted up another marble. Kitsune started having a nervous breakdown and dragged him out of the room by his nose… Don't ask.

"That's it! We're getting you away from this temptation! We're going to the library!" she yelled, still dragging poor Hagari by his nose.

When they arrived at the library, they were surprised to see Kurama just walking around the corner at the opposite end of the hall. He looked relieved to see them.

"KURAMA-SAMA!" yelled Kitsune, throwing her arms around him. "Where were you?"

"Wandering around after Himizu scared the heck out of Youko and sent him into hiding. She gave me directions here, but they were obscure at best, and I'm lucky I made it."

"Uh oh… What did Youko do this time?" Kitsune asked, looking really freaked out and worried.

"Other than harassing all of your three friends, invading Himizu's room, and nearly getting murdered for it and for the crime of touching her shrine, absolutely nothing."

"Oh dear. That's not good. I think you probably need to rest. Good thing we're at the library. We have a bunch of books here. There's something for everyone here, even you. No porn though, before you get any ideas, Yusuke Urameshi," she added, glaring at the teenage boy behind her. He blinked and gave her his best 'who me?' look.

So they entered the library. Kitsune told them that they were going to have some quiet time until it was time for them to meet everyone else in the kitchen. She then curled up in a soft chair with a pile of manga and magazines. Kurama went and found a giant volume about botany, and promptly became absorbed in that. The others just sort of spread out. Some went and found books, some went and sat at the computers at one end of the room, and some just stared around. Sesshoumaru had figured out a long time ago that Yusuke was a half-demon (remember the incident in the torture chamber back in chapter 3), and was now staring at Keiko trying to figure out why Yusuke didn't have a demon girlfriend. Yusuke noticed where Sesshoumaru's eyes were and immediately got the wrong idea.

"Stop staring at my girlfriend, you dog!" Yusuke yelled, socking Fluffy a good one in the jaw. The dog demon snarled angrily and returned the attack with a blow of his own. The two boys started fighting viciously, while Keiko stared at them with a huge sweatdrop on her head, then she turned and walked quickly in the other direction where several other girls were gathered. Karou and Megumi were glaring daggers at each other. After being in the same room for several hours, they were starting to get ticked with the others presence. So Megumi, being the devious vixen that she is, started talking about Kenshin.

"Sir Ken is really the most wonderful person I've ever met, so handsome, so polite, so handsome, so kind, so handsome, so strong, so handsome, so skilled, so handsome… did I mention he was handsome?" she asked, grinning wickedly at the irate Karou. Actually, irate is putting it as mildly as possible. Smoke was pouring out of the girl's ears, her face was turning red, and she had that weird Anime face where the eyes are all big and the mouth is just a bunch of teeth… you know the one. This did not bode well for Megumi, who thought it was great fun, and just laughed her head off. This did not improve Karou's temper, and she started beating Megumi up with her wooden sword thing. Then a giant catfight started between the pair. Rachel, Botan, and Keiko stared with huge sweatdrops on their faces.

The scene was now thus: Kitsune, grimacing, pulled on a pair of headphones to block out the noise. Yusuke and Sesshoumaru were beating the crap out of each other, Karou and Megumi were catfighting while Rachel, Botan, and Keiko watched, Kurama and Hagari were reading, and Koenma, Koto, and Juri were using computers. And they passed a fairly peaceful hour. (YEAH RIGHT!)

* * *

Saru had finally tired of watching random videos and receiving death threats through email from her human friends. So she had to decide where to drag her group for their next 'recreation'. She decided upon the arcade. So she dragged her gang off in that direction. 

It was really a very nice arcade, with the latest in videogame equipment. If Amanuma had seen that room, he would have died and gone to heaven at that very moment. Saru made her characters stand against a wall for a while as she raced about dragging around chairs and chains. When she finished, Kuwabara asked the fatal question.

"Why did we have to come to this boring arcade anyways?"

"I'm so glad you asked!" Saru exclaimed, jumping up and striking a teacher-like pose. "I have decided that I am tired of running around with you guys and that I want to play videogames. However, I am not allowed to leave you unsupervised. So, to remedy that, I have decided to tie you to these chairs to I can play videogames in peace. Oh yeah, and I've locked and bolted the door and I have the only key which is safely in my pocket right here. Any objections?"

There were many objections, but Saru chose to ignore them. She chained them all to chairs and sat down to play videogames.

"You have no right to do something like this to us!" Akane yelled at her. "Let us go!"

"Be quiet or I'll gag you as well," Saru growled.

"LEAVE AKANE ALONE!" Ranma and Kuno yelled at the same time. Then they glared at each other and started fighting. Saru closed her eyes, as though seeking peace. But peace is not easily found.

"How dare you treat the ladies in our group like this!" yelled Kuwabara furiously. "Ladies deserve respect, and you should know!"

"Well, I don't usually get respect, so I have to make people give me respect. If that bothers you, that's just too bad for you," she told him coldly, deliberately turning her back to him and ignoring him.

Sango was the only one who seemed pleased with the arrangement. "Ha. Miroku will have to just sit here and see all these girls near him and there's nothing he can do to touch them or anything. How do you like that priest?"

"I'm not a goddamn priest!" Miroku yelled at her. She glared at him.

"Same difference. Shut up already."

"Excellent idea Sango! Why don't you all shut up already!" yelled Saru.

Everyone shut up and sat still. Saru had a lovely hour or so blowing up random people on her videogame and everyone else waited until she untied them and plotted how to make her rue the day she ever tied them up like this.

* * *

Himizu's gang had been skating around aimlessly for a while. They had been reluctant to leave because they knew they could easily get lost without someone who knew where they were going. The maps were no good, since they had been printed in Swahili and none of them could read Swahili. Actually, Robin, who had spent the most time studying those maps, had come to the conclusion that none of the girls could read Swahili either and they had printed off the maps in the first language that came to their heads just to make unreadable maps. As they skated around, they heard someone singing as they approached. 

"_It's the end of the world as we know it! It's the end of the world as we know it! It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine!"_ sang the voice, and Himizu skipped into the room with a huge smile on her face. "HIYA PEEPS!" she yelled.

"Did you kill whoever was in your room?" Beast Boy asked nervously.

"I was going to because Youko's a Makai-damned bastard, but he's also a coward and as soon as I came in, he went into hiding and made poor Kurama come out, and I couldn't kill him cuz Kitsune would have killed me, so I sent him off to the library and came back here."

"So what was that explosion earlier?" asked Sano.

"A bomb, no da! I killed one of Enma's stupid spies. Oh, I better make sure I tell Koenma about that."

Everyone sweatdropped. Himizu wrote a note on her hand, then looked at them.

"Well, who's ready to go somewhere else!"

Everyone blinked. Himizu sighed.

"You make me sad. Come Patsy!" she exclaimed, skipping off. "We are the knights who say… NI!" she added, still skipping.

"Great, she's quoting Monty Python. What's next on the torture list?" wondered Cyborg.

"Wouldn't you like to know! Now get your stupid rears in gear and come on!" Himizu yelled at them from down the hall. The Anime characters hastily kicked off their skates and chased after the psycho authoress. They caught up with her in a room full of couches and pillows and several robot servants. Himizu threw herself down on a giant beanbag chair with a sign hanging over it saying 'Himizu's!'… which incidentally was purloined from Ryouko's house.

"This is the relaxing room. The robot servants are almost always here unless we ordered them to do something. You can ask them for just about anything, cuz chances are pretty good that we've got it somewhere in the house. Watch. Robot!"

A robot scooted over and bowed low. "Yes Lady Himizu, what do you require?"

"I'd like my laptop, a Frappuccino, and a blue hippos with green and yellow spots and an orange tongue."

The robot bowed and ran off. Richard shook his head.

"You're on crack. They'll never find a stupid hippo with whatever colored spots and all that."

"Patience grasshopper, live and learn," Himizu said to him. Not ten seconds later, the robot returned with everything she'd asked for, including the hippo, which was very much real, very much alive, and very much annoyed. Himizu poured water on the hippo and scrubbed him hard. "As you can see, this is the exact color of the hippo. Go on and ask for something else. I can almost guarantee that the robots can find it."

* * *

Sano and Hiei: X.X 

Ryouko and Himizu: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Saru: UNTIE ME!

Ryouko: (Gets light bulb over head) Hey Saru! Put the apron down and I'll untie you, then you can chase Himizu!"

Saru: Okay! (Drops pink apron)

Himizu: WTF MATE!

Ryouko: Hehehehe…

Himizu: DAMN YOU TO MAKAI AND BACK!

Saru: BWA HA HA HA HA HA! YOU WILL PAY FOR TYING ME UP! BWA HA HA HA HA!

A/N: I have nothing against the Russians. It's just the first country with nukes besides America that I came up with. And Saru is loose… Run for your lives. O.O Most of this chapter was written while eating celery and yogurt for dinner because my mother is trying to starve me and left no food for when she went out and I'm too lazy to fix something… Yeah. -.-() That probably sounded really stupid. Read and Review! Ja ne!


	13. A Phone Call and Pilfering

A/N: Back from camp ya'll and I had a blast! Now for review responses!

Saru: Yes, I am mean. It is an important part of my life. DEATH TO PINK! Yes, very very very stupid fox. (Nods)

Amnarranma: I thought about blowing up the karaoke machine, but Kitsune would have been sooo pissed. Oh well.

Mega-Doomer: If you're rooting for Youko, then yes you probably do. He's such a bastard. Llamas are gonna take over the world.Yes, you get your apron back, don't worry. Ew, five-year old noodles? Yuck! Thanks, but no thanks.

Enjoy this chapter peoples!

**Chapter 13: A Phone Call and Pilfering**

Saru: Oh yeah! What now! I'm free!

Ryouko: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Himizu: o.o Meep! (Runs off)

Saru: (Scoops up pink apron again) Hey, does anyone know where this thing came from?

(Mega-Doomer appears)

Mega-Doomer: I heard that you wanted some help, so I sent this when I heard you calling for the devil. He worked through me. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!

Saru: …

Ryouko: …

Himizu: …

Sano and Hiei: X.X (Still unconscious from the last chapter)

Mega-Doomer: What?

Saru: Yay! You rule! I'm free!

Ryouko: Okay… kinda creeped out now…

Himizu: (Has run away and is no longer in the near vicinity)

Mega-Doomer: Pink apron! Now I can torture Himizu-chan in reviews again! (Has a bunch of sugar) (Yelling after Himizu) UPDATE OR FACE MY PINK APRONY WRATH! (Disappears)

Ryouko: … That was odd…

Saru: I'll say. Now, where's that freak, Himizu?

Disclaimer: Doing the disclaimer instead of Bob the frog will be the Afflac duck.

Duck: Afflac!

Himizu-chan: … It's hopeless… (Sigh) Not my Animes. Leave me alone. (Passes out from caffeine overdose... It was bound to happen someday)

* * *

Ryouko skipped down the five hundred or so moss-covered, slimy, dark stairs that led to the basement. They had been perfectly designed so that if you didn't know each stair perfectly, you would fall down the five hundred or so stairs to the basement floor and probably get a broken neck and a bunch of hemorrhages and die in the landing and be eaten by the rats that lived in the dungeons and not be found for years until your body was so badly deteriorated that no one would be able to recognize it in a million years, not even your own mother or sisters or sweethearts or spouses or random flings or pet dogs or… well, you get the idea. And of course, Ryouko had memorized every single step and skipped down perfectly. However, that may have been luck because Himizu was almost always in the basement and she had no talent for memorizing anything worth memorizing, unless you think random trivia and quotes and Japanese insults are worth memorizing. Of course, no one else knew the stairs very well, so they all tried their best to get down there without killing themselves.

The basement was pretty much the equivalent of a museum, but without any recognizable order. A giant submarine from WWII sat next to a cannon from the Civil War, which sat under a model of a pterodactyl. Stacks of famous paintings sat nearby along with several brilliantly forged copies. A giant printing press with currency from just about every country known to modern man perched inconspicuously in another corner. And a maze of corridors stretched off in every direction. Ryouko picked one at random and started skipping down it. Her gang followed her, gawking at the weird artifacts and useless paraphernalia scattered everywhere.

It didn't take them long to realize that the maze-like impression that the original room had cultivated was not a coincidence. Everywhere they could see corridors crisscrossing in various ways with dead ends in many places, secret passages, and traps. Ryouko led them through two hidden doors and over a pit of alligators before they'd walked ten minutes.

"What the heck kinda hell hole is this place!" Heiji demanded.

"It's the basement, no da!" Ryouko exclaimed, jumping over a small pile of plastic tomatoes in the middle of the hall. "We designed it to make it a maze, the most complicated maze in the world. Plus there's always the interesting though small chance that you could be attacked by rabid flamingos."

"Flamingos can't get rabies!" exclaimed Conan.

"Really? I better tell them… Do you think maybe it's the measles?" Ryouko mused, peering around the corner at a gang of flamingos who were foaming at the beak and screeching crazily. Everyone stared. O.o Ryouko cackled like a maniac.

* * *

In the relaxing room, Himizu's gang had accumulated quite a pile of weird stuff. The robots had found (among other things) the world's largest Pixi stick, a book translating every curse word in the world into every language in the world, a dictionary of an ancient dialect spoken in the farthest jungles of Antarctica until about ten million years ago, a mouse that was allergic to cheese, and a monkey that only ate orange bananas. Now Himizu was ignoring everyone and was obsessively playing Tekken bowling against anyone bold enough to challenge her. (A/N: I learned how to play this game at my latest camp and it is awesome!) As she was winning yet another game against that stubborn punk Sanosuke, a tiny little red phone next to her rang.

"CHICKEN!" went the phone, echoing through the house.

"HOLY HELL!" yelled Himizu, glaring at the phone furiously.

"CHICKEN!"

Himizu glared first at the phone, then at her game. She paused the game and seized the phone before it could go off again.

"WE DON'T HAVE A TELEPHONE!" she bellowed into it before slamming it down onto the table as hard as was demonly possible. She turned back to the game, but…

"CHICKEN!"

Himizu looked livid. She seized the phone again. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! WE DON'T HAVE A TELEPHONE, SO STOP CALLING US!" She slammed the phone down again and picked up her controller, ignoring the incredulous stares she was receiving. "What?" she asked. No one answered, but that may have been because…

"CHICKEN!"

"Oh holy hell!" Himizu growled. She seized the phone again and was about to scream into it when she was deafened by a thundering yell roaring out of the earpiece."Oh, hello Enma. (-.-;) Thrown anybody in purgatory lately? Oh yeah, I killed another one of your spies an hour or so ago." She paused as Enma replied. "Your son? Oh, he's making out with Botan in a closet somewhere."

Her gang stared at her in horror. Himizu then turned into a two-inch tall chibi as Enma's roaring echoed through the house far louder than the phone. After about five minutes, Himizu turned back to normal.

"Well, what you do want him to do?" she asked the irate lord of Reiki. "If he's the heir to the throne of Reiki, he better have some way to pass on his gene pool to make the next bitchy toddler to run the place after him. What better way to do that then to get one of the ferry girls laid?" She paused as Enma yelled something else at her. "You mean there are other ways? Are there some demigoddesses floating around your palace that I've never seen before? And I've been through just about every room in the place, so I think I would have seen them if there were." She paused again, then blushed. "No, I don't know anything about your missing and extremely valuable ring that is the symbol of your office and is all covered with death symbols," she said calmly, twirling that said ring around her finger calmly. "But I'm the one asking the questions here. If there are no demigoddesses, then how did you create Koenma? There's no other way unless you got a ferry girl laid! Admit it!" She paused again, then her hair stood on end as though she's received some sort of electric shock. "WHAT! You can't just create people out of the air! That defies the laws of physics!" She paused again. "No, we defy the laws of NATURE, not PHYSICS. Get it right. And, no, I realize you're not 'just' people, but come on! You cannot just create people out of air! They need all kinds of other stuff, like carbon and water and crap like that!" She paused again. "No, forget it, I'm done talking to you!" Another pause. "No, I will not bring your son to the phone! What if he and Botan are still making out! Or worse, what if they're not making out! What if they've moved on to 'something else'! Have you considered that! My virgin eyes wouldn't be able to stand the sight! You wouldn't want that on your conscience, now would you?" Another pause. (-.-#) "You're right, I forgot you were a god and don't have a bloody conscience. But I'm still not going to get him! I don't care what you say, I will not scar my eyes to satisfy your lunatic whims!"

Enma was definitely not pleased by that response, and his bellowing echoed through the room, deafening everyone in the room except Himizu.

"Look," she snapped back, "I'm not gonna do it! Just accept it as a tragic turn of events! I'll tell him to call you the next time I see him! How did you get this phone number anyways, you spying bastard!" Enma tried to speak, but Himizu kept talking. "Hey, I do want an answer to this question! Is Koenma's mother that Ayame chick? Hello? Hello? God damnit! How rude. Take this as a tip, lady and gentlemen; you should not hang up on someone after they've been so helpful to you! That ungrateful bastard!" She slammed the phone down again and pouted for about two tenths of a second before scooping up her PS2 controller and going back to whipping Sanosuke's ass at Tekken bowling. She had been playing against him for over an hour already because Sano is a stubborn little punk that can't stand to lose and will just keep challenging until he wins. But we love him anyways. As they played, Robin looked over at the girl.

"How did you know that Koenma and Botan are making out in a closet?" he asked finally.

"Are they? I have no idea. I just made that up to piss him off. How dare he call this house when I told him specifically that we didn't have a telephone. Some people are very rude and very pushy," she said matter-of-factly. Everyone fell over. Himizu then glanced at the clock and jumped a mile. "HOLY HECK! We're supposed to be at the kitchen in five minutes!" she cried. She jumped up, ran around in circles for three minutes, became very dizzy, passed out, woke up, ran into a wall, passed out again, woke up again, then calmly walked out of the room and into an elevator which took them straight downstairs to the kitchen. Total travel time without Himizu's little problems: 14.6 seconds. Don't you understand her panic now?

* * *

Kitsune looked at her watch and saw that she had ten minutes left to make it to the kitchen. Since the kitchen was only six minutes away, that didn't really worry her much. So she gave a loud fake sigh, lay her book down on a table, and called her gang to her.

"Let's go peoples, left right left! Left right left! Hup two three four! Let's go, move along! Nothing more to see here, let's go!"

"Nothing more to see here?" Kurama repeated. "After Yusuke and Sesshoumaru finished beating each other up and Karou and Megumi stopped scrapping, there was nothing to see. That was almost an hour ago."

"Kurama-sama, I love you so much, you are wonderful, hot, and sexy… but if you ever try to correct me again, I'm gonna kick your butt. So stop." Kitsune smiled at Kurama to show she was kidding and he flinched slightly. Then they marched out of the library and off to the kitchen.

* * *

Ranma had been working for almost an hour at breaking his bonds, then releasing everyone else without Saru noticing. He attempted to do this in silence, but when he untied Kuwabara, the baka fell right out of his chair with a thud that was loud enough to wake the dead. However, that kind of noise has no effect on peoples that are in dreaded state known as the Videogame Trance! (Cue dramatic music) Symptoms of this dreaded state include glazed eyes, slack jaw, drooling, deafness, and unawareness to all forms of bodily discomfort and any and all activities performed by nearby parties. And Saru was a master at achieving this state. So, being the little sweethearts they are, Ranma and the rest of the gang freed those still in bondage, then gathered up some weapons and proceeded to beat the living shit out of Saru. This was not wise because it brought her out of her Videogame Trance and anyone who breaks that trance is most likely visited with death unless they bring something pleasant like food. Food the Anime characters did not have, and so were severely mauled by a rather large spiked club.

"Lovely thing exercise," Saru muttered as she gazed around at various mauled Anime characters. She then poked one of her bruises sustained from her own beating. "Ow… Oh well," she said with a shrug. Then she looked at the Anime characters again. "Lazy asses…" she grumbled, then began kicking them while screaming into a megaphone. "WAKE UP! SLEEPY TIME IS OVER! COME ON, UP AND AT 'UM! LET'S GO, COME ON PEEPS, RISE AND SHINE!" she screamed. She was promptly given another beating, so she attacked as well and paid them back, blow for blow. After this jolly scrap, the gang settled down to lick their wounds and rest for a few minutes before tracking off to the kitchen.

* * *

Ryouko had been leading her group through the basement for about half an hour. Occasionally she would point out a certain object and talk about it for a moment. Hiei was privately of the opinion that these girls were a whole new generation of criminals. Most of their treasures had been stolen or bought on a black market, they had about fifty different ways to get money, most of them being illegal, and the complete ruthlessness that they showed even impressed Hiei. Some of their artifacts were questionable and he saw several with the Reiki seal and several more that he was sure came from Makai. Suddenly he stopped walking and stared at one of the objects. He recognized it as being one of his very own katanas. He had assumed that he had lost it, but here it was, displayed for all the world to see. He glared at Ryouko.

"Ryouko, what is my katana doing here?" he demanded sharply. She looked back vaguely, then saw what he was pointing at. She waved a careless hand at it.

"What, that thing? I stole it from you."

WHAT! When!" he demanded. Ryouko thought about this.

"Let me see… It couldn't have been when we had that one party, cuz that's when I stole your cloak. It's very comfy by the way."

Hiei twitched. Ryouko was oblivious.

"And it couldn't have been during the Dark Tournament cuz that's when I stole your shirt after you threw it off to fight somebody, I forget who it was. You lost your shirt so many times during that tournament. I wear that a lot too."

Hiei twitched again. Ryouko kept muttering.

"And I stole your bandana the first time we met. I'm wearing it now, actually."

Hiei looked like he was about to pass out on the floor. Ryouko cackled at him.

"And I also stole your boots that time Himizu and I gave you and Kurama liquor. As I recall, Kurama turned into Youko and tried to rape Himizu and me, so she creamed him with a mallet and I stole your boots and you were so drunk you didn't even notice that you went home barefoot. I'm wearing those now too."

Hiei stared at her. "I wondered where my boots went. How in the hell do you manage to steal all that stuff from me and I don't even know it!"

"Because you're not very observant, Hiei-chan," Ryouko responded with a sweet smile. "And I'm still not done."

Hiei lifted his eyebrows slowly. "They better not be any more articles of clothing." Ryouko blinked for a second, then turned away, gagging like crazy.

"Oh holy God! So many sick thoughts just ran through my head it's not even funny!" she moaned, cringing miserably. Then she shook her head and turned back to Hiei with a huge smile on her face. "Back to what I stole. I also stole your huge supply of five million gallons of sweet snow. (A/N: And about one million of those went to Amnarranma because she gave me the idea for this little scene) It was very tasty. But you really should make your house more difficult to break into. Himizu, Kitsune, Saru, and I had no trouble breaking in or taking out the ice cream. Those laser beams and little robots with machine guns were no trouble to beat at all. Challenge us next time, if you would please."

Hiei sweatdropped. -.-() "You need to get a life," he told her. Ryouko pretended to think about this, then grinned and shook her head.

"No thanks Hiei. I actually enjoy my life right now. Where else could I get a luxurious mansion with Anime characters whenever I call?"

Hiei looked pissed off. Ryouko grinned slightly.

"I guess I better not tell you about the latest thing I stole just a few minutes ago while we were standing here talking…" she muttered, looking slightly nervous.

Hiei looked at her suspiciously. He glanced down. He still had his cloak and shirt and boots. He put a hand to his belt. His katana was still there. He touched his forehead. His bandana was still there. Then a thought struck him and he put a hand to his neck. Sure enough, his tear gem was gone. His eyes narrowed as he glared at Ryouko, who was now twirling the necklace around her fingers.

"I like this. I think I might keep it…" she muttered, fingering the gem idly. She looked up to see Hiei's reaction, and suddenly found herself pinned to the wall with a katana at her throat. "Eep!" she squeaked. Hiei glared daggers at her.

"Give it back or you die," he threatened her.

* * *

(Crouched among the poppies, Himizu shivered in terror)

Himizu: I should have known better, I should have known she would come to kill me. Why do I do these things? I must be subconsciously suicidal. I wonder if there's a way to get cured of that… Hm… Damn, I'm twitching again. Good thing there's a whole field of poppies at my disposal… (Plucks a poppy and starts smoking it) Ah… That's better… Now, how to save my life from a homicidal monkey… Well, first and foremost, I must remain hidden… second… (Sees Sanosuke) SANOSUKE-SAMA! (Charges out and tackles Sano and is suddenly pinned to the ground by a weighted net) Aw shit.

Saru: I knew that would work. Thanks for being a distraction Sano.

Sano: Whatever… (Goes back to playing cards with Hiei and Ryouko)

Ryouko: Saru, don't hurt her too much, she needs to finish the story!

Hiei: Yes, and I need to kill you.

Ryouko: It's only in the story Hiei-chan, and you wouldn't do that to me anyways.

Hiei: I wouldn't?

Ryouko: (Shakes head firmly) No you would not. And since this is a bit of a cliffy, Himizu better be in top shape to write.

Hiei: Her brain is fried and mushed. There is no way in hell that she'll be able to finish this story before her brain fizzes out. (Is hit on the head with a boulder)

Himizu: DON'T QUESTION MY AMAZING AUTHORESS POWERS!

Sano: I'll guess that's what you used to hit him?

Himizu: You would be right O hot and handsome backstabbing punk.

Sano: -.- Was that necessary?

Himizu: Was betraying me necessary?

Sano: …

Himizu: Exactly.

Hiei: X.X

Ryouko: Can we get back to cards?

Sano: Sure…

Saru: Good, now I'm going to beat up Himizu.

Himizu: God damnit!

Saru: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!

* * *

A/N: Phew, sorry I took so long to update, but I was infected with writer's block. It's been almost two weeks since my last post. Shame on me. Read and Review. Ja ne! 


	14. Arguments and Flamingos

A/N: Wow, I'm updating again! I think I'm crazy. My writer's block just went poof! Maybe I have reduced the stress in my life by finally emailing my crush instead of plucking daisy petals wondering if I should or should not. No, that sounds dumb, even for me. For those of you who know me, you know that I am not a romantic person, so to be acting like this is really weird for me. So my writings may suffer. I hope not, but when I'm stressed, I tend to drink lots of Mountain Dew... Yeah... Enough about my love life. Review responses!

Mega-Doomer: Why oh why did I let you have that thing back? Now you're gonna torture me! T.T And no, I haven't stolen anything from you. I only steal from Anime characters.

AmnarRanma: Looks like I'm not the only one who's been in the sugar, LOL. Yes, of course you got sweet snow, you helped me come up with all the stuff to steal from Hiei. And the kitchen? Back in chapter whatever, they agreed to meet back in the kitchen in four hours, so the time is almost up and they're all going to the kitchen. Are you still lost? Just in case, have a map:)

Any Mew Moonlight: Strawberry cough drops? Nice. I get high on cherry cough drops myself. I'm sorry, but I don't kill Anime characters because I like to keep them alive so I can torture them and I don't like bringing them back to life repeatedly. But I'd like to kill Kuawbaka too. I'm your fave author! (Feels very flattered) Wow... Ambitious though I am, I didn't aspire to be this good... AWESOMERIFIC! (Dances) You read my bio? Yay you! You liked the cricket/frog? That really did happen. In English class. Mwa ha ha ha ha! You may want to check it ocassionally cuz I keep adding stuff.

Saru: You're mostly right. Tekken bowling is the only video game I ever have and ever will play. I love that game! (Not just b/c YOU KNOW WHO taught it to me, but it really is fun!) I didn't get beat up because I didn't tie anyone up, baka:P You have me now? As if! Get over it, whatever it is you haven't gotten over.

Okay, that's all for this chapter. If my writer's block stays gone, I should update by this weekend!

**Chapter 14: Arguments and Flamingos**

A/N: I forgot to mention last chapter that the "We don't have a telephone" quote came from Shadow Jaganshi's fic YYH: The Mission. If you ever want to laugh, read her fics. They are awesome! Also, this chapter is pretty much all with Ryouko's gang. If you don't like Ryouko, tough beans! This chapter is mostly dialogue between her and Hiei and I have to say this is one of my favorite chapters. Hope you like it.

Saru: (Lifting spiked club) DIE HIMIZU!

Himizu: EEP! (Vanishes)

Saru: WTF!

Ryouko: Okay… that's a new one on me.

Sano and Hiei: …

Saru: DAMN YOU HIMIZU, WHERE ARE YOU!

Sano: Not here, obviously.

Ryouko: No, really? Any more brilliant gems of information that you'd like to share with us?

Sano: -.-#

Hiei: This is so stupid. And pointless.

Ryouko: You said it. I wonder where she got the ability to vanish. It's probably because she's allowing herself to get more powers as she writes more stories.

Hiei: Just what we need… (Is hit on the head with an anvil) That little freak! She will pay!

(Just like her, ain't it? Not enough that she has Saru mad at her, now she has to piss Hiei off. What will happen to our authoress once they catch her?)

Disclaimer: Today we're going to try to use Himizu's pet squirrel, Risu Squirrely-chan, as the disclaimer person.

Risu: Squeak squeakers squeak squeakins squeakers!

Himizu: She said that I don't own any of the Animes or products, but I do own the mansion. What a smart squirrel.

* * *

Ryouko gave a yelp as Hiei glared at her. He held out his hand for the tear gem necklace, still glaring. Ryouko looked unconcerned now that she was over her first shock.

"Okay, fine, I'll give back the gem, but we've already eaten the sweet snow and I refuse to give back your katana or any articles of clothing that I've taken. They're very comfortable and it's not often that you can find clothes like that. Happy?"

"No."

"Jerk."

"Deal with it."

"You can't make me."

"Wanna bet?"

"Yes actually."

"Twenty bucks?"

"That's it? I was thinking more like 200…"

"That's because you and your freaky friends are criminals and don't have to work for your money."

"Yeah, and what are you, famed thief of Makai?"

"Youko's the thief, not me."

"Youko's also an ass and he doesn't steal what you want when you want it. He's been on the same job for three damn years."

"How is that his fault? You know Kurama doesn't like stealing."

"Youko is more powerful than Kurama, he should be able to take over whenever he wants."

"Then he would probably give Himizu a heart attack. Not like that's a bad thing or anything…"  
"You're being kinda mean."

"So? I'm a mean person. Get over it."

"I didn't say it was a bad thing."

"Really? I thought you were complaining."

"Why would I complain about someone as hot and sexy as you?"

"Good question. Here's another one. Why the hell did you steal almost everything I own?"

"Because I'm a kleptomaniac and you have cool stuff. I tried stealing from Yusuke first, but his stuff scared me."

"Porn?"

"Majorly. It made me sick. He needs a life."

"Yes he does. Please continue."

"Well, I won't steal from Kuwabara because I don't even want to be in the same room as his stuff."

"I don't either."

"Who does?"

"Kuwabara, obviously."

"Well, he's an idiot. And the last time I tried to steal from Kurama, he went Youko and almost killed me."

"He would do that. Do you steal from anyone else?"

"Oh yeah, Himizu and I steal from Koenma's palace all the time. It's fun."

"I bet. Do you have any idea how many years of prison you would get?"

"Five million, give or take a millennium."  
"Are you serious? How much have you taken?"

"You have a year to listen?"

"No."

"Didn't think so. But during our latest theft, Himizu stole Enma's ring."

"His ring of office?"

"Yep."

"Damn, girl. You guys must be better than Youko."

"Well, yeah, but we get him to do the dangerous stuff. He's currently on a mission to steal the Hope diamond."

"That thing kills everyone who touches it."

"I know. That's why I hired him to steal it instead of stealing it myself."

"Clever."  
"Aren't I though?"

"No."

"But… but… you just said…"

"I lied."

"Meanie!"

"Give me my gem."

"No."

"You said you would!"

"I lied."

"…"

"Don't like having your own words used against you, do you?"

"Who does?"

"Good point."

"Thank you."

"You do realize we've just had an entirely pointless conversation for about ten minutes."

"Yes."

"Do you want to stop?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to kill me?"

"Yes."

"Damn you!"

"Himizu's already damned me a bunch of times."

"I know, she's damned me too."

"We should kill her."

"Okay, you have fun. Then Saru and I will dance on her grave."

"I bet you'll enjoy that."

"You know it. Can you let me off the wall now?"

"Why should I?"

"Because I like you and I'm gonna give you your gem back and you like me?"

"I don't like you. I tolerate you."

"With you, it's the same thing. Now can you let me go?"

"Fine."

"Thank you."

"Gem. Now."

"No more monosyllables for you. Here."

"Thank you."

"NO MORE MONOSYLLABLES DAMNIT!"

"WELL SOR-RY!"

"YOU BETTER BE!"

"WELL, I'M NOT!"

"YOU SAID YOU WERE!"

"I LIED!"

"YOU BASTARD!"

"THANK YOU!"

"IT'S NOT A COMPLIMENT!"

"TOO BAD!"

"SHUT UP!"

"YOU!"

"YOU FIRST!"

"FINE!"

"GOOD!"

"SHUT UP!"

"YOU FIRST, DAMNIT!"

"STOP YELLING AT ME!"

"NO! I'LL YELL IF I FEEL LIKE IT!"

**_"SHUT UP!"_** all the Anime characters yelled at the two arguing people. Ryouko and Hiei were knocked over by the force of the yelling. They lay on the floor and stared up with big eyes at the pissed off gang. Ryouko sweatdropped and grinned sheepishly.

"Heh heh… Shall we get going?" she asked, rubbing the back of her head with her arm in a universally accepted nervous gesture. Everyone nodded in a very solemn pissed off sort of way. So they continued on their merry way through the maze. After a while, they reached a large room that was completely empty except for a bunch of doors. Ryouko bounced to the center of the room and cleared her throat.

"All right everybody, listen up! We're gonna have some fun! I'm gonna leave and you all are gonna have to find your way back to the stairs. Mind you, there's only one set of stairs out, so you better find them. I'll be waiting. If you're not back in 45 minutes, I'll come and find you because we need to be in the kitchen in an hour. Have fun!" She stood there for a moment, then vanished. Everyone stared around in shock, then there was a mad rush through the room to find her, but she was nowhere to be found. Slowly they drifted out of the room through various doors, all but Hiei, who concealed himself in a shadowy corner. No sooner was the last person (Ryoga) out the door, then a maniacal laughter filled the room. Hiei's mouth curved into something almost resembling a smile and he jumped onto one of the wide wooden beam the crisscrossed the ceiling. Ryouko was sitting there, laughing like a mad woman. She jumped when she saw him, then grinned.

"Hey Hiei. How'd you find me?"

"Well, none of the doors opened after you left, so I figured you must be somewhere in the room, so I just waited. I knew you'd betray your position somehow."

"Clever boy. Okay, I'm bored now. I'm going to the stairs to see if any of these losers actually make it there alive."

"… Glad I'm with you then."

"You should be. Let's go."

Hiei raised a questioning eyebrow at her. She grinned and reached up to push aside a cleverly hidden trapdoor. Hiei shook his head.

"You're evil."

"I know. Thank you."

She then climbed up into the ceiling. Hiei followed, staring around in surprise. The ceiling proved to be a mini storage center. More artifacts were kept up here, to be cleaned and repaired Ryouko said. But Hiei had his doubts. He saw more than one object that had a partially completed replica sitting beside it. Ryouko saw his eyes and glared.

"Not everybody is lucky enough to see our workroom, so don't you dare betray our trust by babbling our secrets, okay? Oh, and would you mind not mentioning this to Himizu? She doesn't really like showing this off to all and sundry. She wasn't interested in showing mercy to that one prisoner that got loose and found this place and hid here for a day or so until we found him. Kitsune wanted to let him go, but Himizu said that we didn't need to have to kill all the police forces of Makai, Reiki, and Ningenkai combined. So she killed him. Actually, that sounds to abrupt. She kept him alive for a while before she finally put him out of his misery. If you two would stop snapping at each other's throats for five minutes, I think you'd find that you two have a lot in common."

"Hn. Baka ningen onna."

"Now for all I know, you could have been talking about me!" Ryouko said, hitting him on the head with a nice back swing.

"Maybe I was."

"BASTARD! That's a nice way to repay someone who's taking you through the shortcut to the stairs instead of forcing you to go through the maze past those rabid flamingos!"

"Dare I ask how they got rabies?"

"Saru bit them."

"…………………………………… O-kay then…" Hiei said finally.

Ryouko laughed. "I'm kidding. I think they were bitten by a raccoon."

"Must have been a vicious raccoon to infect all of them."

"Tell me about it. Cuz somehow I can't see flamingos biting each other. Oh well."

They continued walking for about five more minutes (the ceiling isn't a maze like the actual basement is), then Ryouko opened another trap door and jumped down about ten feet to the floor below. Hiei followed her, pulling the trap door closed as he jumped. Ryouko pulled a deck of Uno cards out of her pocket.

"Where'd you get those?" he asked.

Ryouko grinned.

**Somewhere else in the house**

Himizu reached into her pocket. "Where the hell are my Uno cards! DAMN YOU RYOUKO!"

**Back in the basement**

Ryouko kept grinning. Hiei understood.

"Yes, you're definitely a kleptomaniac."

"I know. And I'm proud of it."

"Good girl."

She grinned again, then proceeded to deal out the Uno cards. After playing for nearly the full 45 minutes, no one had showed up yet. Ryouko rolled her eyes.

"Okay, I know this is a tough maze, but at least someone should have shown up by now!" she exclaimed, looking annoyed. At that precise moment, Conan and Heiji walked in one door, Kaito and Kido walked in another, and Genkai, Starfire, and Raven walked in a third. Ryouko grinned. "About time! How'd you find us?"

Heiji, Conan, and Kaito promptly started babbling a lot of technical crap that seemed to involve a lot of numbers and scientific instruments. Ryouko's eyes glazed over and she stared at them blankly for about five minutes before nodding.

"Lovely! Kido, what did you do?" she said loudly, rudely cutting the three geniuses off right in the middle of their speeches. Kido shrugged.

"I just followed Kaito," he said simply. Ryouko nodded. She looked at the girls. Genkai smirked with all the satisfaction of an older generation showing a younger generation that their methods worked best every time.

"All I did was track your spirit energy. That was mere child's play and it led me straight here. These two young ladies just tagged along."

"Wise girls then," Ryouko muttered. "So we're just missing Kenshin, Inuyasha, Jin, and Ryoga… Not half bad."

"Did someone say Sessha's name?" asked Kenshin, walking in calmly despite an angry beaver following him. Ryouko smiled at him as she kicked the beaver back into the depths of the maze and slammed the door after it.

"Scratch Kenshin off that list. So that leaves just… two people," she said as Inuyasha stalked in. His nose twitched as he glanced over at Hiei.

"That explains the strong demon odor I was following," he said coolly.

Hiei was about to reply when there was a crash and one of the doors blew open, sending Jin the Wind Master flying in like a tornado.

"Hello!" Jin exclaimed cheerily. "Am I in time?"

"Yep!" said Ryouko cheerily. "Now we just need to find the directionally-challenged idiot."

"Why can't we just let him find his own way here?" asked Hiei.

"For two reasons. One, you shouldn't even be suggesting that since brought you here. Two, because Ryoga is the most directionally challenged person to walk any planet with any form of life. Tell him to go left; he'll start moving right. I've seen him go the wrong way in a race! He takes a week to find a place a block away! He only visits his own house once every three months because he can't find it! If he went to China, he'd end up in Antarctica if he started from Japan! Am I painting a clear enough picture for you?"

"Perfectly." -.-()()()

"Oh good! I was hoping I wouldn't have to go on. Okay, let's go find him. Hopefully we won't have to rescue him from anything."

"Why didn't you tell us that there were beavers in here?" asked Kido, thinking about the one that had been following Kenshin.

"You never asked," said Ryouko with a cute smile. "And since you haven't asked, I'm also not going to tell you about the evil muskrats with an obsession for ripping out people's hair and using it to make togas." Everyone fell over and died… figuratively of course, not literally. Then they recovered and went off to find Ryoga.

* * *

(Once again, we find Himizu crouching amongst poppies, this time holding a notebook)

Himizu: Yes, definitely subconsciously suicidal. Only a subconsciously suicidal person would ever consider pissing off the two people most likely to kill her. Counseling is definitely in order when I get out of this poppy field… Must set up appointment with Ryouko… Must get counseling… Must have Mountain Dew… Mmm… Caffeine… The best brain-killing drug in the world… Must kill any remaining nerves and brain cells… Must drink highly-caffinated sodas… (Continues to ramble crazily while scribbling a very weird picture involving death and blood and world destruction and a deranged squirrel laughing like a maniac on top of the Empire State Building)

Sano: (Taps Himizu on the shoulder) Ahem…

Himizu: OH MY FREAKING GOD, THE COSMIC SHEEP HAVE FOUND ME AT LAST! EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THE COSMIC SHEEP ARE HERE AND THE APOCALYPSE HAS ARRIVED! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! SACRIFICE THE OLD PEOPLE, SMALL CHILDREN, CATS, SPIDERS, AND KARASU! (Runs away screaming like a mad woman yelling about neon green sheep and waving her arms like a hummingbird's wings until she crashes into an oh-so-convenient brick wall that just happened to be sitting in the middle of the poppy field)

Sano: … ?.?

Himizu: (Has tongue hanging out and has big swirly eyes)

Saru: How is it _he_ always manages to find her?

Ryouko: How is it that we have this great big field and that baka manages to run into the one square foot that has a brick wall?

Hiei: How is it that I got stuck hanging around with you idiots?

Ryouko and Saru: WE'RE NOT IDIOTS!

Mallets: BONK!

Hiei: X.X

A/N: Well, here we are, caught in an endless circle of violence. I know most of this chapter was Ryouko and Hiei arguing, but once I got started, I just couldn't seem to stop. I hope you guys liked it. Read and Review! Ja ne!


	15. Fun With Food

A/N: Aren't you guys lucky, I'm updating again. Gym is evil. I sprained my right ankle on Monday, my right wrist on Thursday, my left ankle on Friday, and tore the skin off part of my leg on Friday as well, all in gym class. And stupid little me has continued to go to gym class because stupid little me doesn't want to take this stupid little class any more than necessary and if you miss more than one day, you fail the class. So my whole body hurts like hell and I've been sitting at my computer staring at the screen until my eyes go unfocused and my face turns blue from the screen glare and I get up and walk into the wall… Because I'm just stupid like that I guess. Now for review responses!

**Mega-Doomer**: Thank you! I love my squirrel! (Hugs squirrel)

**AnmarJoey**: (Lifts eyebrows) You better have been refering to Ryouko when you made that little Hiei comment becuase if you talking about me, I will kick you six ways to Tuesday! Batman? Huh? Wow, I hope that's not Karasu's nickname... Heh heh... But why would I spare him?

**Hylian Dragoness**: It is grueling... but I love my work. I will not take sedatives! I only take stimulators! Like caffeine! Hm... Caffeine...

**Firetwins**: Riverdance? Que es? Oh good, then I'm fullfilling my goal if it's random and makes minimal sense and all that other stuff you said. Life's too serious without some of this stuff, this kind of randomness is necessary for the survival of mankind! It was lack of randomness that made Albert Edison blow up the Germans army tanks with his kite! Mwa ha ha ha ha!

**Saru**: Glad you liked the arguements. How do I know you don't have rabies? I haven't seen any proof of you having shots! NO, not the Cosmic Sheep and the Whistle of Doom! Anything but the Whistle! DEATH TO GYM CLASS!

**Evilish Midget-chan**: Actually, I think it would be a little annoying to have a little red phone that screamed CHICKEN... but here, go wild! (Throws phone at Evilish Midget-chan) Um, no I haven't read Fruit Basket. -.-# You dare compare me to Karasu! Oh well, I've heard that before. He is just fun to hate... evil bastard... POTATO SALAD! YAY! (Runs off to try this on Kuwabara)

Thanks everyone for reviewing. Enjoy this chapter.

* * *

Himizu: X.X (Still lying on the ground after running into a brick wall)

Hiei: X.X (Still lying on the ground after being hit with two mallets)

Sano: … ?.? (Still confused by Himizu's idiocy)

Ryouko and Saru: Z.Z (Have fallen asleep because they are bored)

(Ten hours later)

(Himizu opens one eye and takes in the scene around her)

Himizu: Hm… (Gets evil glint in her eyes) Yes… (Gets up and walks over to Saru and Ryouko) You guys are gonna hate me… (Kneels down next to them and…) WAKE UP FOOLS! THE MICE FROM NEPTUNE HAVE KIDNAPPED HIEI AND THE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!

Ryouko and Saru: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Ryouko: Where did they take Hiei!

Saru: WHERE ARE MY COOKIES, DAMNIT!

Himizu: (Laughing like a maniac while sitting cross-legged on Hiei's chest and eating chocolate chip cookies)

Hiei: This is very uncomfortable… (Death glare)

Ryouko and Saru: HIMIZU!

Himizu: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (Runs like mad)

Hiei, Ryouko, and Saru: DIE! (Start chasing Himizu)

Sano: … -.-()

Disclaimer: (As the authoress runs like a mad person from pissed off fire demon and friends, she holds up a giant sign.) Sign: I DON'T OWN ANY ANIMES, TELETUBBIES, CANDY BARS, OR SODAS! SOMEONE HELP ME! PLEASE! NO? BASTARDS!

* * *

Ryouko marched through the maze past a crowd of rabid flamingos, which she promptly beat off with a mallet, past an angry beaver, which she promptly beat off with a mallet, and finally leading them to Ryoga. Ryoga was as far from the stairs as you could possibly get, trapped in a dead-end and beset by a crowd of muskrats who were trying to tear out his hair. They were all wearing togas made from human hair and they were screeching at an unbelievable volume.

"TOGA TOGA TOGA TOGA!" yelled the muskrats. Ryouko glared. Then she beat all the muskrats off with a mallet. The muskrats didn't even bother to attack her hair, but they did go after the others. Inuyasha seemed to be their favorite target, since he had such long hair, but Hiei, Kenshin, Genkai, Jin, and Starfire also were hard pressed. Genkai glared at them angrily and blasted them off, Hiei and Kenshin attacked them with their swords, and Jin and Starfire flew into the air, pulling muskrats out of their hair. Ryouko sighed.

"Stupid things… Himizu really needs to pay attention to what kind of chemicals she feeds the animals… although Saru swears Himizu did it on purpose so they would tear out Saru's hair… I think they were having a fight at the time… I have no idea."

"Knowing them, it doesn't sound like a bad guess…" Hiei growled.

"True true… Now let's head to the kitchen. Ryoga, if you get lost again, I swear I'm gonna beat your head in. Now come on!" And Ryouko took off at a light jog away from the muskrats. She was followed by the freaked out Anime characters. Ryoga, very battered from his encounter with the hair-loving animals, trailed after them, but still managing to keep them in sight.

* * *

Coincidentally, every single group made it into the kitchen at the same time… To be more accurate, they were all running as fast as they could and crashed into each other in the middle of the kitchen and they all fell onto the floor and into the pots and pans and stoves and freezers and there were huge explosions and EVERYBODY DIED! Yeah… Back up, ignore the part with the explosions and everyone dying… Thank you. So they all crashed into each other and made a huge mess and drove the robots to distraction and they ran around and their wires short-circuited and they blew up and EVERYBODY DIED AGAIN! Ack! Okay, try that again… The robots were driven to distraction and ran around crazily for a while, but they got over it and they didn't even have to clean it up because the girls used their powers to do that because they're just magical that way.

Now that I've demonstrated my ability to write a stupid paragraph and give my readers a dose of my insanity, let us continue with the story.

Kitsune decided to take charge. So she stood on top of Kurama's head and screamed into a megaphone.

"LISTEN UP PEOPLE!" she yelled. Everyone stared at her, wondering why she was standing on Kurama's head. Kurama, who by the way was stuck in the oven, pulled himself out of the oven before Himizu and Saru could use their lighters and then promptly fell over because Kitsune was standing on his head and he overbalanced. Kitsune looked confused, then continued yelling. "OKAY PEOPLE! TIME TO EAT! HELP YOURSELVES BUT DON'T---"

"FOOD FIGHT!" yelled Himizu, Saru, and Ryouko at the top of their lungs.

"… Make a mess…" -.-() Kitsune sighed.

"Um… Kitsune? Would you mind getting off my head?" asked Kurama as politely as he could, considering his head was being smashed into the floor because a psycho girl was standing on his head. She glanced down.

"Whoops, gomen Kurama," she apologized, pulling him to his feet. As she helped him, she was hit in the head with a potato. "STUPID PEOPLE! STOP THROWING FOOD!" she yelled at them. She whirled and was barely in time to duck as several eggs flew past her and Kurama. Himizu was sitting on a cupboard with a giant carton of eggs and was cackling crazily.

"Okay Kits, we won't throw food. We'll kick it!" she laughed, kicking a bunch of eggs and making them explode all over the ceiling. Saru threw a meatball at Himizu.

"TAKE THAT!" she yelled as the meatball hit the ceiling above Himizu's head and exploded, showering Himizu with meat and sauce. She brushed her hair out of her face and glared at Saru before laughing again.

"THAT WAS FREAKING SWEET!" she yelled, throwing a multitude of grapes at Ryouko, who was throwing potato chips at Saru. Saru quickly realized the advantages of having a high position and scrambled on top of the refrigerator. She then threw a peach at Yusuke. He glared, then scooped up a bunch of noodles and started flinging them at the girls. He missed and hit Hiei. Hiei wiped the noodles out of his hair, a look of disgust coming over his face. He then glared at the detective, who flinched. Hiei then seized a squeezable ketchup bottle and squirted it all over Yusuke and Kuwabara. While this was going on, Saru, Ryouko, and Himizu were pelting other people with food. Kuno got hit by about ten watermelons and passed out, Mousse tried to throw some sort of mystery meat at Ranma, but ended up hitting Megumi, Megumi tried to hit him with a steak, but hit Shampoo, and Jin, Starfire, and Raven flew into the air and bombed everyone below them with applesauce and carrots. In short, everyone tried to find a fort of sorts and pelt anyone they could with food. Himizu, Saru, Ryouko, and Kitsune were the best, and many suspected that they had had food fights before and knew where the best places to sit and had the most access to food were. However, Hiei gave a good account of himself using his speed, Jin used his wind powers to scatter food everywhere, and Kurama used his agility and quick brain to attack. The others did well, except for a few certain idiots… namely Richard, Kuno, Ryoga, Kuwabara, and Mousse.

After about an hour, the kitchen looked like a bomb had gone off in it and food was everywhere. Several food covered blobs pulled themselves off the walls leaving behind Anime-character-shaped spaces. Others with only a few splatters crawled out of their little fort thingies. Suddenly what everyone had taken for a pile of food jumped up from the refrigerator and tackled another blob on top of a cupboard. They were joined by a third blob and started fighting and throwing more food at each other. Then a slightly splattered Kitsune jumped up and activated the sprinkler system. Food was washed off the people and the walls and pooled in wet mushy puddles on the floor. The three fighting blobs revealed themselves to be Himizu, Ryouko, and Saru. (Wow, I bet it took a rocket scientist to figure that out…) Then Kitsune handed a mop to Kuwabara and one to Richard.

"CLEAN THE FLOOR LACKEYS!" she bellowed at them. They flinched.

"Yes ma'am!" they cried, scurrying around like the pathetic little creatures they are. Everyone else tried to dry off the counters and whatnot so they could find a place to sit so the lackeys could clean the floor. Kitsune watched carefully, nibbling on a chip as she did so and hitting them with a feather duster if she felt they weren't moving fast enough. Eventually the two cleaners fell over exhausted and Kitsune used her powers to clean the rest of the place. Richard recovered remarkably well and tried to strangle Kitsune and Kuwabara recovered equally well and tried to stop Richard from hurting Kitsune because it wasn't honorable to hit girls. Himizu promptly kicked him in the head.

"So why did you attack me in The Beginning!" she asked him.

"You don't count. You're evil. You think I'm ugly and you hate my hair and you said that I love Teletubbies!" Kuwabara yelled. (A/N: I've had at least three people ask me about that and I'm answering it now. Personally, I think anyone would try to kill me if I was as mean to them as I am to Kuwabara, but he's a dumb slow oaf and he'll never hurt me)

Himizu sighed. "Well, it's better than gender confusion…" she muttered. Everyone chose to ignore that statement. Himizu blinked for about ten seconds, then randomly put a potato in the microwave. Ryouko ran towards it.

"HIMIZU NO BAKA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" she cried as the potato exploded and coated the inside of the microwave with potato.

"I'm exploding a potato in the microwave, genius, what does it look like?" Himizu asked innocently. Ryouko rolled her eyes. Saru ran forward with an egg, which she stuck in the microwave. About five seconds later, it exploded, mixing egg in with the potato goop. Kitsune went ballistic.

"ARE YOU THREE DETERMINED TO RUIN THIS KITCHEN!" she yelled at them.

"Nope. Just the microwave," Ryouko replied with a grin. Kitsune twitched. Ryouko started staring at the microwave. "I wonder what would happen if we put a grape in the microwave…" she muttered.

"Well, the heat would cause the grape to dry up and it would start to shrivel and if you left it in long enough, you would probably have a raisin," Kurama suggested sensibly. Ryouko blinked.

"That might make sense… Let's find out!" she exclaimed, shoving the grape into the microwave. About five seconds later, they realized that this was not an ordinary grape. We're not sure how they figured that out, it might possibly have been that the grape had swollen to the size of an orange.

"Um… That's not normal…" Conan said finally.

"Yes, we realized that already, not what are we going to do about it!" cried Rachel, looking worried.

"ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!" yelled the four girls together as the grape expanded to the size of a melon.

"It's not going to fit much longer…" Kurama muttered.

"Oh crap, he's right, open the microwave, hurry!" Kitsune cried, diving for the microwave. But she was too late. The grape, pressed against the sides of the microwave, had no place to go and kept expanding until… It burst. And not with a little tiny pop either. We're talking atomic bomb-type blast that made the whole room shake and made stupid people fifty miles away think that there was an earthquake. Pots and pans fell with a clatter and dust and plaster fell out of the ceiling. After a few moments of silence, everyone climbed out of the wreckage, covered in white powder and looking very pissed. Himizu ran over to the microwave.

"Hey, look, the microwave didn't blow up! It's a miracle! Worship the almighty immortal microwave!" she cried, falling to her knees and bowing repeatedly before the microwave. Saru studied the microwave for a moment.

"Hm… That was amazing… It didn't blow up… Let's do it again! Maybe this time we'll succeed!" she exclaimed, running towards the refrigerator to get more grapes. Kitsune's eyes widened. O.O

"DON'T YOU DARE!" she shrieked, doing a beautiful flying tackle and wrenching the grapes out of Saru's grasp. Saru pouted.

"Spoilsport…" she muttered as Kitsune used her powers to clean up the place… yet again… Kitsune ignored Saru and threw the grapes back in the refrigerator. Ryouko looked bored.

"I want ice cream… she muttered.

"Ice cream?" Hiei asked, suddenly looking interested.

"And chickens! Very fresh chickens!" Himizu exclaimed, opening the freezer. A loud clucking sound emitted from the freezer. Everyone fell over, drowning in pools of their own sweatdrops.

"SOOO!" exclaimed Kitsune, slamming the freezer door shut and dragging Himizu to a relatively harmless countertop, "What should we do next?"

"OH! OH! OH! I KNOW! PICK ME! PICK ME!" screamed Saru, waving her arms and jumping up and down like a mad creature. Kitsune sweatdropped.

"Um… Yes Saru?"

"I NEVER!" yelled Saru joyfully.

"What's that?" asked Akane curiously as the YYH people groaned and the girls looked excited.

"Only the most fun game in the world!" exclaimed Himizu, bouncing on the counter while inhaling candy bars. Ryouko grabbed several of the Milky Ways.

"MY MILKY WAYS! GET YOUR OWN!" she cried, hugging them and hiding them from Himizu, who pouted.

Kitsune rolled her eyes. "It's this game where everybody sits in a circle and they all have a can of soda or whatever. Somebody says something they've never done and anyone who's done that takes a drink. If you've done it more than once, you drink however many times you've done it. Like if the question is about skinny-dipping and you've done it five times, you take five drinks. The game goes until there's no more soda or no one wants to play any more… or everyone is too drunk or high to continue, but hopefully we won't go to that extent…" -.-()

Everyone blinked and stared at her. Himizu, Ryouko, and Saru opened another refrigerator and started dragging out 24-packs of various kinds of sodas, which they started dragging away.

"Where are you going?" Botan asked them.

"We're going to the living room, there are plenty of couches and chairs and stuff in there and we can all have seats instead of being crammed in the kitchens," Ryouko explained.

"This is going nowhere fast… Screw that!" Himizu grumbled, snapping her fingers. The soda cases vanished, but Himizu was sure that they were sitting on various tables in the living room. So everyone marched into the elevator.

They arrived at the living room and seated themselves in various couches and chairs. The girls weren't kidding, there were plenty of seats for everyone and plenty of tables so it was easy to access the sodas. Everyone took a soda and looked expectantly around. It was time for the game to begin.

* * *

Himizu: (Looking back while running from Ryouko, Saru, and Hiei) Hey, Ryouko, am I subconsciously suicidal!

Ryouko: I dunno about subconscious, but I would say that you are suicidal, definitely.

Himizu: Oh good, I was worried that I was delusional.

Hiei: In a minute, it won't matter, because you will be dead.

Saru: What he said!

Himizu: Aw crap… SANOSUKE, GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE AND HELP ME!

Sano: Why me?

Himizu: Because you're the only one who isn't running after me bearing the evil pitchforks of death and doom and destruction!

Sano: (Looks in confusion at pitchfork-less Saru, Ryouko, and Hiei) Right… Whatever…

Himizu: Stupid fool! See if I ever defend you again!

Sano: Defend me?

Himizu: From all those fanatics who think you're a conceited ass, all those fanatics who think you're a crazy punk, and all those fanatics who think you're in a relationship with either Kenshin or Saito.

Sano: … (Looks sick)

Himizu: … (Lifts eyebrows)

Sano: … -.-#

Himizu: Hey, I didn't start the rumors!

Sano: … (Mutters profanity under his breath and goes and sits next to the brick wall)

Himizu: -.- Oh, you are so dead, you ungrateful jerk! (Marches toward him with a giant mallet)

Sano: O.o (Runs away)

Himizu: COME BACK HERE!

Ryouko, Saru, and Hiei: GET BACK HERE BAKA ONNA!

A/N: One more week of gym, one more week of gym, one more week of gym… I have to keep reminding myself that, otherwise I'm gonna go mad… if I haven't already. If any of you guys have suggestions for questions for I Never, let me know. I have a fair amount of questions, but I want to see what you guys think I should ask. I'll try to update soon, if gym class doesn't kill me first. One more week of gym, one more week of gym, one more week of gym… (Sits hunched over the computer muttering that until she is carted off to a mental hospital to treat the damage to her brain as well as to all the injuries sustained in gym class.


	16. I Never

A/N: I'm back again. This is kind of a weird chapter, and I included something extra at the end becuase the chapter was so darn short. Now I need to go through the oldbrain box (which could take a while) and try to scrape together enough ideas to keep this thing going. Which should be easy now that I think about it, but whatever. Now review responses.

**AmnarJoey**: Well, I guess that marks me as a failure at explaining things like how to play games... oh well, you should get the idea. Yeah, they made it, but did you really expect otherwise? But I have lots of pretzals and I have a penny that was squashed by a car. Oh well, who cares. Go wild. (Gives ice cream) Um... I don't recall ever saying that, but okay then...

**Evilish Midget-chan**: Glad you like it. I'm sorry but I don't have a phone that says Hiei rocks. Maybe if you mess with the chicken phone you can make it say that. It's worth a try. I have no clue whatsoever who this Nakago whatever is, but... (Pulls Nakago out of a random portal that randomly appeared) Go wild. (Throws Nakago in Evilish Midget-chan's direction)

**Mega-Doomer**: Ooh, I wonder what the Tootsie Roll wraper has done in its life... Bet that was an interesting game. I wish I had your problem, I hate having Anime characters bugging me all the time. Hiei eats all my sweet snow, so I locked him in my closet. Ryouko's going to kidnap him I think.

**Hylian Dragoness**: (Evil grin) Ooh... I like it, I like it... I love torturing characters. I'm so bad. (Cackles crazily) Your sister is afraid of chickens? Ryouko's mom loves them. She collects pictures and figureines and whatnot... I actually gave her mom a stuffed chicken once becuase my stupid mom thought it was a turkey... but we won't go there. o.O

**Firetwins**: I'm sorry, but I couldn't think of a way to get you guys in here... I don't know anything about you except that you send good reviews. :D And I Never doesn't really use referees. I'm sorry! T.T I feel bad. I hope this chapter makes up for it... I actually have another plan, but you will have to wait until I update The Holy Grail before I can tell you. Have paitence grasshoppers.

Okay, that's all for this chapter, hope you like it.

* * *

**Chapter 16: I Never**

(Sano is still running from Himizu who is still running from Ryouko, Saru, and Hiei)

Sano: Ack! (Trips over a rock)

Himizu: Huh? (Trips over Sano) Eep!

Ryouko, Hiei, and Saru: NOW DIE!

Himizu: But… but…

Ryouko: But what?

Himizu: (Singing) I JUST WANNA LIVE!

Saru: Ack! Horrid singing! (Hits Himizu on the head to shut her up)

Himizu: Ow… X.X

Hiei: Hn. (Draws katana)

Himizu: Ooo… shiny sword… Mine! (Steals sword and runs off through the poppies.

Hiei: GIVE ME THAT!

Himizu: It's mine, damnit! Mine! Mine! I'm a seagull! Mine! Mine! Mine!

Ryouko and Saru: … (Anime fall)

Disclaimer: I do not own the seagulls from Finding Nemo, even if I do imitate them, I don't own Animes, and I don't own the idea for the I Never game. If there's anything else in there like sodas or whatever, I don't own them either. Deal with it.

* * *

"Okay, who wants to go first? How about Saru, since she's the one who wanted to play this game in the first place?" Kitsune suggested. Saru blinked and thought about this for a moment. Finally she nodded as she arrived at a decision.

"I've never asked anyone to strip!" she declared. Ryouko and Himizu hit her on the head.

"This better not turn out to be all freakishly perverted!" Himizu exclaimed.

"Well, I'm not sorry! Drink you bastards!" Saru snapped, glaring at the Anime characters. Miroku promptly drank four cans, Kurama realized that he also had to play for dirty-minded Youko, so he drank four cans as well, Yusuke and Kuwabara each drank a can, and Richard drank half a can. Kitsune rolled her eyes.

"I've never crashed or hit anyone while riding a wheeled vehicle," she said. Himizu grinned.

"I'll drink to that!" she declared, promptly gulping half her can. "Crashed a four-wheeler a couple times, crashed my bike a few times…" Saru drank a few times and so did Ranma, Shampoo, and Mousse. Yusuke drank as well.

"I've never failed a class," Kaito said. Yusuke and Kuwabara promptly drained their cans and had to get new one, draining half of those. Kido and Yana also drank a couple times. Kaito and Kurama snorted in amusement.

"I've never been stalked," Botan said happily. Everyone looked at her weird wondering why she asked such a strange question, but then they all laughed as Himizu chugged the remainder of her can and threw it at Kuno's head. Ryouko, Kitsune, and Saru also drank along with Conan, Kurama, Hiei, Kenshin, Sano, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Inuyasha, Ranma, Sesshoumaru, and Koga.

"I really hate it when people stalk me…" Himizu was muttering. Ryouko snickered.

"Would that be because they stalk you in corn fields and try to kill you, or because they try to ask you out in the mall?" she asked innocently.

"BAKA!" Himizu exclaimed, slapping her. "Grr… Stupid stalkers… Must kill them all…"

Ryouko cackled suddenly. "I've never pretended to have stalked anyone," she said, lifting her eyebrows at Himizu, who sighed, opened another can, and took several drinks. She then received many odd looks.

"What's the matter with you people? So I go up to people in malls and be all like 'I know everything about you. I'm your stalker.' There is nothing wrong with that!" (A/N: I did that once, seriously. It was fun.) "And while we're on the subject, I've never been stalked by anyone of the same gender, mwa ha ha ha ha!"

Ranma and Kurama drank miserably. "Stupid people who think I'm a girl…" they muttered at the same time. Then they glared at each other for saying the same thing. After about ten seconds of evil brain-washing death-causing death glares, they settled down and just sat there. And it was Yukina's turn.

"I've never had a fight or argument," she said sweetly, smiling shyly. The smile vanished as every single person in the room drank anywhere from half a can (Megumi) to fifty cans (Himizu, Ryouko, and Saru). She looked stunned. Kuwabara immediately felt bad that he had drank anything at all and hastened to reassure his beloved that it was only because he had been forced to fight while protecting her or fighting in a tournament. At that point, Yusuke kicked him in the head and told him not to be such a lying asshole. Yukina looked shocked and Kuwabara started yelling at Yusuke and Yusuke started yelling about how all those times that Kuwabara had tried to beat him up definitely counted as fighting and all the arguments with Hiei definitely counted as fighting. Eventually everyone got annoyed and the two boys were bludgeoned with mallets. (Bet you can't guess who did that. XD) Then the game continued as though nothing had happened.

"I've never been physically abused," Shizuru said with a smirk as she watched her little brother get the crap beat out of him by three psycho mallet-wielding girls. All four girls promptly drowned about twenty cans apiece, considering all the times they beat each other up or were beat up by people because of their annoying powers or stupid randomness. Kuwabara, Yusuke, the Blue Ogre, Koenma, Conan, Miroku, and just about everyone else drank at least once. Violent little things, ne?

"I've never physically abused anyone," Raven stated with a smirk. Once again the four girls drank about twenty cans, since they beat up each other and various annoying people. Just about everyone else drank as well, the principal ones being Shizuru, Keiko, Kurama, Hiei, Yusuke, and Akane. Very violent things.

It was now Yusuke's turn. He noticed that all four girls were acting a little tipsy (Sad, they get drunk off caffeine), so he decided to make them worse (So kind, ain't he) by making them drink more. "I've never defied the laws of nature by inventing bizarre creatures to do my bidding," he said triumphantly, smirking at them. They stared at him blankly, making no move towards their cans of Mountain Dew. Yusuke wasn't the only one to glare at them for not drinking, but they just stared innocently.

"Why should we drink?" demanded Kitsune.

"We don't create bizarre creatures to do our bidding," Ryouko exclaimed.

"We don't control them. They have minds of their own…" Himizu muttered.

"We tried, but the creatures rebelled. Now they annoy us to death or try to kill us and we have to have hold many sacrifices to make them spare our lives," Saru finished. Everyone sweatdropped (-.-()()()) and fell over. Yusuke promptly whispered something to Kuwabara.

"I've never defied the laws of nature by inventing bizarre creatures," he declared, proud that he had remembered his statement. The girls glared at Yusuke, then drank five cans apiece. Everyone stared.

"What else have you invented besides the killer plants, singing ferrets, stampeding wombats, almighty jellyfish, pink and yellow seahorse minions, koala and panda security guards, rabid flamingos, angry beavers, and evil muskrats?" asked Kurama. Everyone seemed surprised that he had remembered all that. The girls just grinned evilly.

"You'll find out…" they chorused, still looking as evil as is humanly or demonly possible. Everyone looked scared and the girls started laughing evilly. Genkai smiled.

"I've never annoyed someone to the point where they want to kill me," she said, smirking. The girls exchanged looks.

"You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that these people were out to get us…" Himizu said after a moment.

"Really?" said Saru. "I thought they were out for revenge…"

"But we could be wrong…" Ryouko said slowly. The girls shrugged and chugged about ten cans apiece. Many others drank as well, including Megumi, Yahiko, Sanosuke, Kuwabara, Inuyasha, Koga, and Conan.

"I've never been drunk or high," said Sano. Obviously everyone had forgotten about getting drunk on Mountain Dew earlier when they left the videogame, but no one held it against them. Chuu promptly chugged several cans of soda. Kitsune took a few sips, Ryouko and Saru drank about two cans, but Himizu drank about five cans. Everyone gave her weird looks.

"What? I get high off weird things. There's the normal stuff like caffeine and sugar… Then there's cough drops, permanent markers, peppermints, water…"

"WATER!" everyone yelled. Himizu nodded.

"I got high off water the other day… I drank about ten glasses and I got high…" (A/N: I'm being serious, this happened the Friday before I published this chapter… ask AmnarJoey, I was talking to her at the time) Everyone stared at Himizu in horror, then fell over twitching. She shrugged and gazed at her can of soda as though it were the most fascinating thing in the world.

"I've never committed arson," Kurama said, smirking at Hiei, who drank a can with a shrug. Then, much to their surprise (although they probably should have expected it), the four girls drank as well. Kitsune only had a few sips, but the other three drank half a can apiece. Ryouko actually drank more, about three quarters of a can.

"I've never killed anyone," Conan said. Many people drank, including Kurama, Hiei, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kenshin, Inuyasha, and Sesshoumaru. The girls looked at each other guiltily.

"HEY! IS THAT KARASU!" exclaimed Kitsune, pointing wildly at a spot directly across the room, which happened to be a blank wall. (o.O) Everyone turned in horror to stare. As they did, the four girls finished their cans, drank another can, and grabbed new ones, drinking to the same levels as their previous cans before the question was asked. Everyone then turned back to yell at Kitsune about scaring them like that when Karasu was nowhere in sight. Heiji looked at their cans.

"Didn't you four have Live Wire Mountain Dews?" he asked them. They looked guiltily at their Pitch Black Mountain Dews.

"No! Yes! Maybe! No! What?" they asked nervously. Heiji smirked. So did Kurama and Conan. Everyone else just looked confused.

Himizu coughed and decided to steer the conversation out of dangerous waters. "I've never tried to kill someone just because that someone wanted to go out with my sister, crush, girlfriend, boyfriend, or fiancé!" she declared. Hiei, Akane, Shampoo, Ranma, Kuno, Ryoga, Koga, and Inuyasha all drank.

For revenge, Hiei chose the question, "I've never considered the theft of rare cursed jewels." Ryouko hit him with a baseball bat, yelled at him to keep his nose out of other peoples conversations with their hired fox thieves, and then chugged a can. Himizu, Saru, and Kitsune drank as well, along with Kurama.

"I've never been perused by government officials," Rachel said. Kurama, Hiei, Kenshin, and the four girls all drank.

"Dare I ask why the government is after you?" asked Yusuke.

"Well, Enma is after us because of all the Reiki stuff we've taken and the fact that we took all our papers, the US government thinks we're sponsoring terrorism…" Ryouko ticked off the list on her fingers.

"Which is ridiculous because we're the terrorists! And the fact that we import weapons…" muttered Himizu. "We blow up people who kidnap women and kids and make them sex slaves."

"And then there's those lords or whatever in Makai who are pissed with us because we stole their artifacts… do they count as government?" asked Saru.

"I've never blurted out something completely random for absolutely no reason whatsoever," Heiji said.

"Perfectly normal people like to eat cheese!" Kitsune sang out. She then drank. Himizu, Ryouko, and Saru drank as well.

"I've never tortured anyone just for the fun of it," Kenshin said, glaring at the girls. They shrugged, drank about five cans apiece, and laughed at the look on Kenshin's face.

"I've never walked around with a pineapple on my head," Beast Boy exclaimed.

"You haven't? But that's so much fun!" cried Saru, smashing a pineapple down on Beast Boy's head. She also remembered to take a drink. Everyone looked at her weird. "What?" she asked. "I was bored." Everyone fell over, but that may not be surprising. How many people decide to walk around with a pineapple on their heads simply because they're bored?

"I've never slept with a watermelon under my pillow," Karou said. She had a feeling that at least one of the girls had done it. She was right. Kitsune drank.

"Best nights sleep I've had in a long time. Besides, if you put a watermelon under your pillow, you dream that your true love kills your worst enemy… it was a good dream." Everyone stared. (A/N: I seriously doubt this is true, I just made it up on the spot, so if you try it and it doesn't work, don't blame me, just go see a psychiatrist.) But they got over it quickly.

"I've never dressed up as Batman and gone roller-skating," declared Kuno, looking proud and dignified, as though someone of his prestige would never lower himself to something like that. Ryouko jumped up after taking a drink.

"Let me change that!" she exclaimed. She grabbed him and threw a Batman costume on over him. Then she put roller skates on his feet and dragged him off.

"Where is she taking him?" Ranma wondered. Kitsune jumped up.

"She better not…"

"She is," Himizu said with a grin. "She's taking him to the Door to Nowhere." Seeing the confused looks of the Anime characters, she elaborated. "It's modeled after the Winchester Mystery House Door to Nowhere, it's on the second floor and it leads outside. There's no stairs of balconies or anything… it just leads to nowhere. Get it? If not, you will in five… four… three… two… one!"

At that moment, Kuno came flying down from the second floor, still wearing the roller skates and the Batman costume. From his screams and Ryouko's maniacal laughter, it sounded as though she had pushed him out the door, leaving him to fall. She came skipping in a few seconds later with a deranged happy smile on her face. She sat down and they kept playing, ignoring the twitching form that was Kuno.

"I've got one that even you four psychos haven't done yet," Koenma said calmly.

"We're listening," the girls chorused, but they privately felt that no matter how stupid it was, one of them had probably done it, unless it involved literally dying… they were immortal after all.

"I've never give crack to a penguin!" Koenma declared. All the Anime characters fell over, but then they sat up to watch the girls. As crazy as they were, even they couldn't have done that… But they were wrong. Himizu tilted her can and drained every drop.

"Yes, as crazy as it sounds, I have given crack to a penguin! Then the penguin tried to kill me because it wanted more crack. So I gave it more and then more penguins came and they wanted the crack so I gave it to them… they loved it… I was impressed."

"Dare I ask what you were doing with crack?" asked Kurama.

"It was for an experiment… how well cassowaries reacted to crack… unfortunately I never found out, because the penguins took it all. Stupid penguins… Yes, I am talking about the penguins in the game… that's probably why they snowboard and kidnap people and steal stuffed turtles, because they're high on crack!" she exclaimed, as though this was the greatest discovery known to modern man. Everyone fell over and died and came back to life… so they were all good… except for Kuno, but no one cared. After Himizu's alarming declaration that she had given crack to penguins, no one felt like playing anymore, so they put away all the soda, kicked Kuno a couple dozen times to get him up, and sat down to decide what to do next.

* * *

Himizu: Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

Hiei: That's my katana, you baka! Give it here! (Using super speed to chase Himizu)

Himizu: Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mi--ACK! (Falls over)

Saru: Mwa ha ha ha ha! (Picks up rope, which she used to trip Himizu)

Himizu: Freak!

Ryouko: Here you go Hiei. (Gives katana back to Hiei)

Hiei: Hn. Let's kill her.

Himizu: Eep! Help?

Sano: … I don't think it's worth the effort to help you.

Himizu: Freak. (Runs away again)

Ryouko, Saru, and Hiei: DIE!

(Can you tell I'm stalling because I can't think of a way to end this?)

* * *

Okay, this is some weird AIM conversation between AmnarJoey and myself. I was high on water at the time and I was telling her about my hentai mind in chapter 11 of The Holy Grail… -.-() And this is the result. It was funny so we decided that I should add it to this story. I don't know why, but since this is a shorter chapter than usual, I decided, what the heck, I'll stick it in here. Hope you like it.

Himizu-chan: My mind went to live in the gutter... all I'm getting from it now is hentai stuff...

AmnarJoey: Eep

Himizu-chan: Like, I keep getting this image of myself cowering in a corner and I'm all like 'hentai, hentai, hentai... why the hell are Kurama and Hiei stripping!' and then fangirls come and attack them and they beat them off and they're all like 'what the hell, I was just standing here!'

AmnarJoey: O.o

AmnarJoey: Hiei was stripping?

Himizu-chan: (falls over)

Himizu-chan: No, that's the point

AmnarJoey: (drools)

AmnarJoey: LOL

Himizu-chan: The point is that they weren't doing anything hentai, but my mind lives in the gutter and thinks they were

AmnarJoey: LOL

Himizu-chan: At least it's not Kuwabara

Himizu-chan: Then I would die

AmnarJoey: EEK!

AmnarJoey: MY EYES

Himizu-chan: Tell me about it

AmnarJoey: MY POOR MOSTLY VIRGIN EYES

AmnarJoey: EEEEEP!

Himizu-chan: -.-

AmnarJoey: Eeep

AmnarJoey: Eep

AmnarJoey: Ep

Himizu-chan: Sad thing is, most people seemed to like my hentainess... -.-()

AmnarJoey: Uhh…

AmnarJoey: Ksa

Himizu-chan: T.T Now they'll want me to write romance fics and hentainess and shonen ai and lemons and limes and fruits! NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO! (Runs away screaming while being chased by an army of fruit)

AmnarJoey: EEWWW

AmnarJoey: RUNS TO WORK AS CROWD CONTROL

AmnarJoey: YELLS: "STAY BACK! THAT'S NASTY! STAY AWAY!"

Himizu-chan: DEATH TO FRUIT! (Stabs lemon through the 'heart' with a Mountain Dew)

AmnarJoey: (Stabs lime with spork)

AmnarJoey: (Burns evidence)

Himizu-chan: Don't worry, Ryouko is going to be the police in the future and she hates yoai, so we're safe

AmnarJoey: Now to live not so happy, nowhere near carefree lives.

A/N: My friends and I did not really do some of the things I said we did, for example I didn't give crack to any penguins, Kitsune did not sleep with a watermelon under her pillow, etc. Also, if you think I missed any characters in certain questions, I'm sorry, but I kinda rushed this chapter and I haven't seen all the episodes of any of these Animes, so I could very well have missed something. If so, I'm sorry. I might repost this chapter, so you can send me any corrections you have. Thanks everybody! Read and Review! Ja ne!


	17. A Bunch of Random Stuff

A/N: Here I am again, back to destroy your sanity with my pointless fics written purely to entertain! Just a heads up, I'm leaving in a week or so for a vacation to Canada, hopefully I'll update before then, but we all know that you're lucky if I update within a week, so we'll see how it goes. Now, review responses.

**AmnarJoey**: Yeah, that conversation was really funny. Yes, play I Never! Good game! Fun game! Good to get high on caffinated sodas! Mwa ha ha ha ha!

**Hylian Dragoness**: Fun... I should make people watch Grease... with my mom sitting next to them singing the songs... in her horrible off-key voice. (Crawls under desk) Ugh... I hate that movie now. My mom spolied it. Why won't your sister read my fics? It hurts me... In the foot... Oh well.

**Firetwins**: Ooh, that would have been a good question. I would have been the one to ask that question. Almost all the boys I know are total assholes. Blah. Plus Ryouko, Saru, and I were all sexually harassed this summer, so we're on a campaign against the male species! Mm... I don't know... I didn't really like writing about the I Never game, I really regretted doing that... No, no more games. Sorry.

**Mega-Doomer**: SQUIRREL! Well, I'll give you Kenshin, but if I tried to give you Hiei, Ryouko would beat me to death with a rubber chicken, tie me up and stuff me in a suitcase, take me to Isreal with her, and then come and kill you in very brutal ways involving fire, machine guns, steamrollers, army tanks, and very tall buildings. What think?

**Evilish Midget-chan**: You can't? I thought you could... Ryouko said you could... I dunno how she knew, but whatever. They're magic poppy plants, you can make anything from them, except nicotine becuase we don't like cigarettes. That probably makes no sense, but whatever.

That's all for this chapter, and I promise to try my best to update soon. This chapter is kinda weird, I kept getting all these random little scenes while I was combing my hair, so I ran to my computer and typed them up and I ended up with this. O.o Hope you like it!

**Chapter 17: A Bunch of Random Stuff**

(Himizu ran across the field and jumped over the brick wall)

Himizu: They'll never find me…

Ryouko: (Voice heard at a distance) Hey! There's Himizu! Let's get her!

Himizu: How did they find me! (Suddenly realizes that her head is sticking up over the brick wall) What the crap? (Looks down) Oh shit…

Saitou: -.- Get off my head…

Himizu: o.o Eep… Yes ma'am!

Saitou: (DEATH GLARE OF DOOM!) Excuse me?

Himizu: Eep! Sir, sir, sir! Yes sir, getting off your head right away sir! (Salutes frantically while bowing repeatedly and falls off his head)

Saitou: Better…

Himizu: It damn well better be… ma'am.

Saitou: What the hell is the matter with you?

Himizu: I think it's the simple fact that in about ten seconds Ryouko, Saru, and Hiei will have my head on a platter.

Saitou: (Sarcastically) Oh, is that all?

Himizu: And Sanosuke won't help save my life.

Saitou: Lazy ass punk kid.

Himizu: My thoughts exactly.

(Ryouko, Saru, and Hiei run around the corner and find Himizu talking to Saitou)

Himizu: Speak of the devils. Saitou, you remember Hiei, right? Hiei, you remember Saitou? Hiei is the short sadistic little bastard with that katana sword thing from Yu Yu Hakusho and Saitou is the fairly tall sadistic little bastard with some sword that I don't know what it's called from Rurouni Kenshin.

Saitou and Hiei: …

Himizu: So glad to see you guys are having a lovely reunion… Bakas.

Disclaimer: (Saitou stands in the center of the floor, glaring at everyone. A rubber duck bounces off his head. He glares again.)

Saitou: I'm only doing this so you'll return my cigarettes.

Himizu: Just do it you bastard!

Saitou: This twisted girl doesn't own anything because she's too stupid to own anything.

Himizu: -.- In that case, the fact that these cigs have my name branded on them means nothing?

Saitou: Those are mine!

Himizu: Deal with it. (Throws cigs into fire) Smoking is bad for you anyways.

Saitou: Grr… -.-

* * *

Himizu was twitching slightly and clicking her bracelet. It was black with white designs on it. Kurama was puzzled by it because he could sense something unusual coming from it.

"What is that bracelet made of?" he asked her.

"Bone…" she said, still clicking and spinning the bracelet, staring as though it were the most fascinating thing in the world.

"Bone?" asked Ranma, butting in. "As in, human bone?"

"NO! JELLYFISH BONE!" she yelled, sending him flying.

"Jellyfish don't have bones…" Kurama said.

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW!" she yelled. "I KILLED THE ALMIGHTY JELLYFISH AND ATE HIM AND MADE A BRACELET OUT OF HIS BONES!"

"YOU KILLED THE ALMIGHTY JELLYFISH!" screamed Saru. "YOU HORRID PERSON! YOU SHALL PAY!"

"NEVER, FOR I NOW RULE THE UNIVERSE! I KILLED HIM, SO I CONTROL EVERYTHING THAT HE CONTROLLED! I AM NOW THE ALMIGHTY HIMIZU AND NONE DARES TO DEFY ME!" she declared, striking a pose.

"YA WANNA BET!" Saru yelled, tackling her.

"Ladies, please!" Kurama exclaimed, trying to separate them.

"Ladies? Where?" asked Ryouko, looking confused.

After a minute or so, Kurama and Yusuke got the two girls separated. Kurama then focused his deep green eyes on Himizu.

"Seriously, what is that bracelet made of?" he asked her.

"I told you. Bone. But I was kidding about the jellyfish part."

"I figured that out already…" -.-()

"Oh good. But I don't know what kind. Probably rabbit or something, I don't know."

Kurama shrugged and didn't continue the conversation. After about ten seconds, Yusuke looked at the four girls sprawled in various positions on couches, chairs, and hanging from a rope on the ceiling. (Not by the neck or anything, just one of those climbing ropes or whatever)

"Do you girls come here a lot?" he asked.

"Ever since we created it, yes. Why?" asked Kitsune. Yusuke ignored the question.

"How come we've never seen it before?" he asked, indicating himself and the others that had visited the girls before.

"Dunno… Just because…" Ryouko said, shrugging. Yusuke continued his interrogation.

"When do you four ever go to school?"

"Skool? Vat is dis skool ting dat you speak of?" asked Himizu, looking completely puzzled. Ryouko clubbed her over the head.

"Ignore the babbling idiot here. We go to school, then we go home… we only visit this place after school, on weekends, or on vacations," she said.

"Speak for yourself, I come here during math class all the time!" Himizu exclaimed. Ryouko hit her again.

"BAKA! I'm trying to encourage him to stay in school and not skip!" she yelled.

"Don't your teachers notice?" Yusuke persisted.

"We're in an alternate dimension. Time has no meaning. What feels like two days to us is less than two seconds in the real world. To all practical appearances, we're still there," Kitsune explained.

"That's why it's so handy to come here and go to our rooms and sleep for another ten hours after only getting three the night before school," Saru said cheerfully.

"But we always go to school," Kitsune added firmly, glaring at Yusuke and Kuwabara. The two delinquents looked at the mischievous Himizu for confirmation of this. She nodded.

"Yep, even me. I'm always there and I still learn all that crap that they make us learn about past participles and cell structures and why x and y equal z. And I pass all my tests and I get good grades, and it's all good!" Himizu exclaimed.

"You get good grades?" Hiei asked, looking disbelieving. She kicked him in the head.

"Shut yer yap, ya little skunk!" she yelled.

"SKUNK!" Ryouko yelled.

Himizu nodded. "Yeah, his black hair with the little white spot thing on it… it looks like a skunk." She was forced to defend herself as Ryouko and Hiei started beating her up.

"HE'S NOT A SKUNK!" Ryouko yelled.

"BULL MONKEY PICKLED DONUTS!" Himizu yelled back. She got a lot of weird stares for that comment, but she was so busy trying to beat the monkeys out of Ryouko with her trusty mallet to notice. Everyone grabbed some popcorn and settled back to watch the exciting fight. Eventually they got tired and Ryouko collapsed on a chair next to Hiei and Himizu fell over on a couch between Mitari and Kurama. Youko promptly started whispering lewd things in the back of poor Kurama's head. Kurama looked at Himizu on his right and then at Kitsune on his left. He knew exactly what Youko was thinking, and since he was still feeling the effects of all the caffeine he'd consumed, wasn't really up to fighting the fox. So next thing anybody knew, Kurama was gone and Youko was back. Himizu didn't even notice, she just lay there with her eyes closed, humming some stupid song under her breath. Youko looked around with interest at the girls, including the two on either side of him. Kitsune glared at him angrily.

"What the heck are you doing here!" she demanded.

"Entertainment," he said with a suggestive smile. Kitsune fell off the couch. Youko looked at Himizu and then leaned towards her. Faster then the eye could follow, her hand shot out and snapped a collar around his neck. Then her other hand pulled out a little remote control and pushed one of the buttons. Youko received an electric shock and he yelped in pain. Himizu's mouth curved into a smile and she opened her eyes.

"Let this be a lesson to you, fox. Don't mess with me," she said, smirking evilly.

"What are you doing to him!" cried Ryouko.

"Electroshock therapy. It's proven to work, he needs it, and even if he doesn't learn anything from it, it will provide some amusement for me while I torture him," Himizu replied, grinning like a maniac. Youko looked at her as pathetically as he knew how. She just stared at him. "Puppy dog eyes don't work on me…" she said after a while. Youko scowled.

"Damn it."

"Are you trying to damn me?"

"Yeah."

"Too bad. I've already been damned more times than I can count. Sorry fox."

"Yeah, I bet you are."

"Seriously? Twenty bucks?"

"No, not seriously. I know you're not sorry."

"Damn. I thought I had just found a way to make an easy twenty bucks!"

"Cry me a river."

"You cry me a river! I wanna see you beg me to take this collar off!"

"Forget about it!"

"I'm not taking it off until you BEG!" she snapped, rather maliciously.

"Is she always this evil?" asked Kenshin.

"Nah, this is pretty mild. Little leech," muttered Saru. "She lives off making other peoples suffer."

"THAT'S NOT TRUE! Caffeine is highly important as well," Himizu said with a smirk. Youko groaned in dismay. Himizu was stroking her chin thoughtfully. "Maybe I'll make you my servant… that would be pretty sweet… but difficult in school. A dude with fox ears and a foxtail will be bound to attract some attention. So that won't work very well…" She paused, obviously picturing the reaction of her teachers and classmates if she showed up in class dragging a fox man lackey by a leash. Youko glared, murder plots flashing through his mind at an almost impossible speed. Himizu seemed to be reading his mind however, because she started shocking him furiously. Hiei was definitely reading his mind because he was trying very hard not to burst out laughing and then offering to help in various evil murder plots.

Most people were watching as Himizu tortured Youko, but some weren't paying any attention. Ryouko had managed to steal Kurama's rose and was waving it at Sesshoumaru. There was no mistaking the threat behind that. Naturally, Sesshoumaru wasn't paying attention; he was slightly distracted by Ryouko and by trying to keep up his stoic profile. Kitsune was watching Ryouko and Sesshoumaru with mild interest, although she did glance at Himizu and Youko from time to time. Saru wasn't paying any attention at all; she was hanging from the ceiling on the rope with one hand and petting a rabbit with the other.

"Why do you insist on keeping that rabbit?" Kitsune asked, her glance falling on the white fluffy creature.

"I have no idea," Saru said calmly.

"Just don't let him get loose," Kitsune replied.

"Who cares if a rabbit gets loose?" asked Keiko. "It's just a rabbit, what harm could it do?"

"Have you ever seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail?" asked Ryouko, momentarily distracted from torturing Sesshoumaru. Keiko shook her head. "Well, there's this one part in the movie where they're all by this one cave and there's this rabbit and the enchanter is all like 'beware of the rabbit, it's a killer!' and all the guys are like 'yeah, whatever, it's just a stupid rabbit' and they go and some of them get killed. The rabbit attacks them."

"So Saru saw that and she thought that the rabbit was totally awesome, so she took a rabbit to the lab and did some experiments… now she had a rabbit with a taste for flesh," Himizu said, also distracted from her torturing. "So don't get to close. She's the only one with total control over it."

"And what do the three of you do?" asked Hiei. Knowing Saru, she would probably sic the rabbit on her friends at every opportunity.

"Um, beat it with various hard objects, set it on fire, stick it in a freezer, stick it in a trash compactor, throw bombs at it, lock it in a room with collapsing walls covered in spikes, attempt to drown it, bribe it with poisoned carrots, um…" Ryouko paused, trying to think of more.

"Don't forget mailing it to Timbuktu, throwing it off the Empire State Building, throwing it into the Arctic Ocean, attempting to make soup out of it…" Himizu added.

Saru glared. "You're just mean! Poor little Usagi! He's barely escaped so many murder plots. He's going to need therapy soon."

"We're the ones who are going to need therapy if that damn bunny keeps trying to eat us!" Ryouko and Himizu yelled.

"That's not true! Usagi-chan would never hurt anyone!" Saru cried.

"BULL MONKEY PICKLED DONUTS!" yelled Himizu.

Saru slid down the rope, attacking Himizu with a spiked club, and accidentally throwing Usagi right at Koga. Usagi looked at the wolf demon for a moment, then snarled. A rabbit snarling is something to hear. You just don't think of rabbits as being capable of making noises that are in any way threatening to life, especially to the life of a wolf. But this rabbit managed it. Koga dropped the rabbit like it was a hot coal and stared as though it were some kind of deadly poison. Usagi snarled again, then sprang for Koga's throat. He let out a yip, like a startled dog, and fled from the bloodthirsty rodent. Everyone watched with interest. It's not every day that you see a wolf running from a rabbit, given that wolves are capable of eating rabbits.

"Um… Saru…" Himizu said, staring at the odd scene.

"What?" snarled Saru, still trying to murder Himizu.

"Koga… Usagi… Not a pretty sight…" Kitsune said, covering her eyes. Saru turned to look, then promptly burst into hysterical laughter. So very concerned for the wolf's life, ne? She whistled and the little rabbit came hopping over. She then fed it a carrot and some unidentifiable lump that had probably been meat at one time. The little rabbit ate contentedly and then was poofed back to its well-locked surrounded-by-alarms-and-lasers-and-stun-guns cage. Koga collapsed on the floor, out of breath from his mad dash. Himizu sniggered.

"The dogs are not showing us their courage today," she snickered. "The fox is on the floor with a shock collar around his neck, the wolf is on the floor after being chased by a rabbit, one dog demon is freaking out because of that stupid flower, and the other one…" She looked at Inuyasha. "What have you done today?"

"Not much. Last time I checked, the authoress didn't like me."

"That's right, she doesn't! She is wondering why the hell she brought you and the rest of the people from your show here, except for Miroku, Fluffy, and Koga, because they're fun to torture. Now that I think about it, I'm the authoress's counterpart, so I don't like you either! DIE!" Himizu then proceeded to beat Inuyasha up with a mallet.

Hiei was ignoring them and was talking to Kenshin, who was standing nearby. "While these lunatics are busy fighting and torturing people, why don't we go and finish our duel?" he asked the ex-samurai. Kenshin nodded in agreement and the pair turned and walked off towards the elevator. They had barely walked three paces when a blur raced out and tackled Hiei. He looked down and saw Ryouko clinging to him.

"Don't leave me with these mad people!" she cried pathetically.

"You're just as mad as any of them, with the possible exceptions of Himizu and Saru," he told her mercilessly. She looked up at him in wide-eyed innocence.

"But you like me anyways, right?" she asked hopefully. Hiei rolled his eyes and didn't answer. Ryouko jumped up quickly.

"Okay people, we're going back to the training room to watch Kenshin and Hiei finish their swordfight! Let's go people!" she yelled, marching off to the elevator. Everyone stared for a moment (have you noticed how often people stare in this story?), then got onto the elevator, speculating on who would win the fight. Himizu attached a leash to Youko's shock collar and skipped along after everyone else, singing It's the End of the World as We Know It.

When they arrived in the training room, Hiei and Kenshin faced off and drew their swords. Just as they were about to start fighting, they heard a loud off-key burst of song.

"IT'S A BABY BOTTLE POP, BABY BOTTLE POP!"

Karou rolled her eyes, casting an exasperated glance at the door that the noise seemed to be coming from. "More singing ferrets?" she asked wearily. The four girls shot each other confused looks.

"That's odd…" Ryouko muttered. "You shouldn't be able to hear then from here…" The four girls got up from their seats on the bleachers and walked out of the training room to investigate. There was silence for several seconds.

"EXPEDIA… DOT COM!"

The girls came tearing back in, waving their arms like maniacs and screaming their lungs out. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THEY'VE ESCAPED!" they screamed. Everyone turned and fled the gym, everyone except for Kenshin and Hiei.

"But what about our fight?" demanded Hiei. "We need to declare a winner!"

"The singing ferrets win!" Ryouko screamed as she held the elevator door open. "NOW MOVE UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE!"

Hiei and Kenshin took the hint and fled for their lives.

* * *

(Hiei and Saitou are glaring at each other while wearing party hats. They also have various wires tied to their necks, arms, and legs.)

Hiei: I'm going to kill her.

Saitou: Not if I get to her first.

(Himizu is sitting on the brick wall, holding two marionette controls, laughing like a mad woman)

Himizu: Oh, this is fun! I should have thought of this earlier!

(Ryouko and Saru are rolling around on the ground, helpless with laughter as Himizu forces Hiei to do an Irish jig and Saitou to do one of those Russian kicking dances)

Saitou: How do you put up with her?

Hiei: It's difficult. I've tried to kill her so many times…

Himizu: And you'll never succeed! NEVER, DO YOU HEAR ME! I AM IMMORTAL, I CANNOT BE KILLED! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Ryouko: Torture is good, making them dance is funny, but bragging will not be tolerated. (Whacks Himizu on the head with a mallet)

Himizu: Ow! Bully!

(Ryouko sticks her tongue out at Himizu)

Ryouko: You deserved it.

Himizu: Well, maybe I did. Oh well. Do either of you have any requests?

Hiei and Saitou: LET US GO!

Himizu: I wasn't talking to you two!

Saru: Make them tap dance!

Himizu: Okey dokey! (Forces Hiei and Saitou to tap dance)

Sano: This is great. Saitou is finally getting tortured.

Himizu: You owe me.

Sano: Whatever…

* * *

A/N: What's going to happen to our heroes now that the ferrets have escaped! What are Hiei and Saitou going to do when (if?) they ever get loose? On another note, I've decided that I want to know what you guys think I look like. In case you haven't noticed, I have no physical descriptions of myself anywhere. So what do you guys see when you picture me? I'll tell you what I look like next chapter, but first tell me what you think. Oh yeah, and if anyone suggests that I am a guy, they will promptly have two heads full of holes. Your head will be hit with a mallet until you have a bump as big as you head and then you will be shot with a machine gun. And then I'll probably set you on fire as well. Not that I have anything against guys or anything, but I happen to be 100 percent FEMALE! Thank you very much. (I decided to put this warning after AmnarJoey said it would be funny if someone thought I was a guy… -.-#) Read and Review! Ja ne! 


	18. Attack of the Ferrets

A/N: Okay, first of all, this chapter is not as long as it usually is. Now I know a bunch of you are sitting there going, 'what the heck is wrong with this crazy girl?' but it's true. Although this chapter is just over six pages in single spaced 12 point Times New Roman font, only about four page actually contain the real story. The rest of it is my really long beginning and ending scenes and my really long disclaimer, which I actually had lots of fun writing, but that may be because i'm a psycho, but what do I know. Anyways, I don't think you'll care becuase my extra long scenes are really funny, but what do I know? Also, I'm sorry I took so long to update, but I am writing my three running fics on this site, plus two others that I hope to post sometime soon, plus two others that may or may not be posted on this site, so I'm kinda busy. Plus I went to Canada last week, which was really freaking sweet, but then my parents decided to leave Toronto at 5 in the afternoon and we had to stop and eat, so we didn't get into Michigan until around 10, then we stopped for ice cream (yay!) at 10:30 at night, then we went to my grandma's to get my dog, and we didn't get there until midnight! And then instead of staying there, we went home. We got home at 1:30 in the morning! Crazy... But that's probably more than you wanted to know. So I'll shut up now.

Now, since made their flipping stupid rule about us authors not being allowed to respond to our reviews (why do they care if we respond or not? It's not hurting them!) but that doesn't mean I care about your reviews any less! So I just want to say, thanks for reviewing, I hate cats (mostly because I'm allergic to them), but I love radioactive cookies, no, Ryouko and I did not get our names from Whatever High School (I've never even heard of that), I hate Karasu, do not ever compare me to him, I'm going kill him in the most brutal ways possible, and I am nothing like Karsasu! Well, not much like Karasu... -.-() And don't worry, I'll always be me! Enjoy this chapter!

**Chapter 18: Attack of the Ferrets**

Sano: This is degrading…

Himizu: I told you that you owed me! You wouldn't listen, would you? You just had to be a smart-ass! And now you're getting exactly what you deserve. And of course, you're probably gonna have the brass nerves to complain about it.

Sano: (Innocent look) Why would I do that?

Himizu: Oh, I dunno, maybe cuz that's what you always do when things like this happen to you!

Sano: If you don't mind me saying, I've never had anything quite like this happen to me before.

(Shot of Sano, who now has Yami hair. Himizu is putting away her styling gel and comb)

Himizu: MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (inhales) HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Saru and Ryouko: This is fun. (Making Saitou and Hiei dance using the puppet strings)

Himizu: Oh yeah, that was a good idea too. I'm just a fountain of good torture ideas. MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Sano, Saitou, and Hiei: -.-#

Himizu: (Light bulb goes on over head and evil glint goes into eyes)

Light bulb: Boom! (Has exploded)

Himizu: Damnit! Oh well.

Ryouko and Saru: -.-() Your idea?

Himizu: Idea? I had an idea?

Ryouko and Saru: (Slap foreheads) Baka…

Himizu: Oh yeah! I remember now! (Takes out CD player)

(Hokey Pokey starts playing)

CD player: You put your right hand in, you put your right hand out!

Saru?.?

Ryouko: Sweet! (Makes Hiei do the Hokey Pokey)

Saru: Ah. (Makes Saitou do the Hokey Pokey)

Himizu: This is so much fun! (Puts puppet strings on Sano and makes him do the Hokey Pokey)

Girls: MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Boys: You will die…

(A/N: Would you believe I had no ideas for this for the longest time? First AmnarJoey suggested Yami hair for Sano and I put that in and I was like 'this is too damn short' and then I thought 'of course! The Hokey Pokey!' Crazy, ne?)

Disclaimer: Himizu: But I don't wanna do the disclaimer Mommy!

Creepy Mysterious Salesperson Wearing a Long Coat and Big Hat: Pst. Hey. Ya wanna buy a talking disclaimer parrot?

Himizu: SURE! (Buys parrot)

Parrot: YOU'RE A $&ING WHORE!

Himizu: O.O -.- Mr. Parrot, meet Mr. Sledgehammer. (Brutally murders parrot with a sledgehammer) Now where's that damn salesperson?

Saru: (Removing long coat and hat) He had to go sell submarines with screen doors to the Chinese.

Himizu: Damn him! Wait a second…

Saru: Eep…

Himizu: YOU FREAK! (Chases Saru with a mallet)

Ryouko: Violence is all around me. Oh well. Himizu doesn't own any Anime characters. She only owns the mansion, the things inside it, and her weapons that she's using to take over the world.

Himizu: You know it!

(A/N: Sorry that's so long, but once I got started, I couldn't seem to stop. Hope you don't mind.)

"PUT A LIME IN YOUR COKE, YOU NUT!"

The ferrets' song echoed after them as the elevator plunged off. Ryouko looked at her three friends.

"What do you think, does this count as an emergency?" she asked.

"HELL YEAH!" yelled Himizu jumping excitedly over a couch on which Hiei and Kenshin had been thrown as they scampered into the elevator seconds before the doors closed. "WE GET TO PUSH THE BUTTON, WOOHOO!"

"Wait, we need to vote on this, we've never done this before, we have no idea what could happen!" Kitsune shrieked. "What if the security guards are using another elevator? We could crash! We shouldn't do this!"

By now, the Anime characters were wondering what was going on. Himizu was wearing an insane maniac smile that boded no good for anyone and Kitsune was almost hysterical with fear. Saru and Ryouko looked excited, but nervous.

"If I may ask, what are you four discussing?" Kaito asked.

Himizu ignored them, she was bouncing on the balls of her feet, singing Fun, Fun, Fun at the top of her voice. (So I like the Beach Boys… Sue me) Kitsune was rocking back and forth muttering worriedly. Saru decided to explain.

"When we built these elevators, we put one certain button in them that we swore we'd only use for emergencies because of the somewhat… risky… factors involved…"

"Get to the point, please," said Heiji rather testily.

"Well, the point is that once the button is pushed, this elevator can go anywhere on our property, on any track we want. The risk is that we have so many elevators on our property, the chance of a collision is nearly 99 percent," Ryouko said with a sigh.

There was an immediate uproar as the Anime characters frantically tried to dissuade the girls from pushing the button. Himizu listened to the chatter for a few seconds. Then she looked at her friends. "Well, should we push the button?"

She was hit by a tidal wave of no's. Her eardrums vibrated as the noise reached a crescendo.

"Excellent, motion carried without argument!" she exclaimed, vaulting over yet another couch and springing towards a giant red button, clearly labeled 'DO NOT TOUCH!'

"STOP HER!" screamed Kitsune. Several people leapt up, including Hiei, Sanosuke, and Yusuke, to seize her. But they were too late, Himizu's fist slammed into the button and the elevator immediately shot along the track at a speed of over ninety miles an hour, rocking slightly as it did so. The sides of the elevator seemed to dissolve, leaving only thick glass in their place. A videogame controller fell out of the ceiling and landed in Himizu's hands. She looked at it.

"Oh look, it's one of those thingies that make the videogame peoples do stuff! I love these things, I love pressing random buttons and watching them run into walls and turn flips off cliffs and set themselves on fire!" she exclaimed happily. She then turned the rotating controller and the elevator spun wildly. Himizu looked sick and her face went an odd shade of green. "Mental note, don't turn spinning doohickey," she groaned. She pressed a red button. The elevator shot up. She pressed a blue button. The elevator shot down. She pressed a green button. The elevator slammed into the wall on their left. She pressed a yellow button. The elevator slammed into the wall on their right. She looked at the purple button, but decided to leave that one alone for the time being and concentrated on guiding the wild elevator through the maze of tracks.

Ryouko and Saru were over their initial panic and were now helping Himizu maneuver their craft. The three girls seemed to be having a good time. Kitsune was crouched shivering on a couch beside Youko. The other Anime characters sat in frozen silence. Some were bored (Hiei, Raven, Sesshoumaru), some were panicked (Kuwabara, Rachel, Botan), and some were just letting the girls run wild as long as it didn't harm them in any way (Conan, Heiji, Youko). Then suddenly several people began to scream.

An elevator was hurtling towards them and there were no intersections in sight. Himizu looked down at the floor, biting her lip as she watched the elevator rocket towards them. "Reverse!" she exclaimed suddenly, jamming her thumb down on red button. They darted down the nearest passageway and everyone sighed in relief as the other elevator continued shooting upwards. But their relief was short-lived as another elevator appeared and started speeding towards them.

"UP!" Ryouko bellowed as they passed yet another intersection. Himizu hit the red button again and they zoomed off. Meeting no elevators, Himizu decided to take them on a maze/roller coaster ride. Left, down, right, up, right again, up again, left down, another three lefts… most of the Anime characters had given up trying to remember their way out. Even Kaito had given up in despair, and since he's the kind of freak that memorizes 17,000 questions and answers, you know this is one damn confusing maze. Kitsune finally uncurled from her fetal position on the couch and peered at her friends.

"Do you guys have any idea where we are?" she asked.

"Well, we just rocketed past the kitchen doors a couple minutes ago…" Saru said.

"And those look like the attic doors up ahead," said Ryouko cheerfully. Kitsune looked pale.

"How fast are we going?" she squeaked.

"Um… can't answer that. We broke the speedometer a while ago," said Himizu with a feeble attempt at a smile. Kitsune fell over twitching. Himizu scowled down at the video game controller. "Where is the stop button for this thing, damn you!" she yelled at it. Everyone started panicking afresh. Ryouko and Saru were also searching frantically for the stop button. If those three wanted off, you could tell that this ride was wilder than your average death-defying roller coaster.

"LOOK OUT!" cried Yukina and Botan together. An elevator was about to ram into them from above.

"SHITSHITSHITSHIT!" yelped Himizu, slamming on the blue button as hard as she could. The elevator shot down jerkily as Ryouko and Saru tried frantically to make the elevator go faster. "HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS!" yelled Himizu, spinning the spinning thing. No one questioned that move. She was trying to find an exit before they were flattened. Ryouko and Saru were looking impressed, though no one could figure out why. Finally a very green Himizu shot them off into a narrow passageway.

"Where does this go?" demanded Keiko.

"Outside," Ryouko said when Himizu showed no signs of wanting to answer or even open her mouth.

"And why should this be any safer than any of the other passages we've tried?" demanded Youko peevishly. Himizu didn't even look his way as she hit the button for his shock collar. He yelped in pain.

"It's safer because no one ever uses this elevator. We use motorcycles and four-wheelers to get around on the grounds," Saru explained. Himizu was watching for the door. She saw it and hit the purple button. The elevator screeched to a halt, the doors to the shaft flew open, and the occupants of the elevator were heaved unceremoniously out of the elevator, which rocketed off the way they had come. "It's going back to its own passageway," Saru explained.

"Hey, where's Himizu?" asked Kitsune. Everyone looked around, but there was no sign of her. Then they all heard a loud retching noise from somewhere nearby. Ryouko, Saru, and Kitsune all shook their heads sadly.

"She's prone to motion sickness," Saru explained when everyone stared cluelessly.

"But for some reason, it only comes around when she's been spinning. She loves roller coasters as long as they have no loop-de-loops," Ryouko added. "So when she put herself through the spin-o-rama, well…"

At that moment, Himizu came walking back, drinking a Mountain Dew, and looking none the worse for wear after emptying the contents of her stomach. "I'm okay," she sang out cheerfully. "And best of all, we lost the singing ferrets!"

Famous last words.

At that moment, a piercing burst of grating off-key singing hit their ears.

"THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING OF WHAT YOU'LL FIND AT SIBCY CLINE… DOT COM!"

"Damnit!" exclaimed the four girls together.

"Those things are possessed," Hiei growled as they all took off running. After several minutes of darting across the grounds, trying to lose the ferrets in the giant maze, in the gardens full of giant shrubs and flowers, in a giant forest full of thick trees and small woodland creatures that looked distinctly evil, and even by running across the land mine field and land mines blew up all around them. But even with all the tricks they tried, they were finally cornered between a fence and the house. The fence looked vaguely familiar to some of the more observant characters, like Hiei, Kurama, Conan, and Heiji, but before they could figure out what it was that looked so familiar, the ferrets began moving forward.

They were chanting "Doom on you, doom on you, doom on you, doom on you," and they were carrying knives, chain saws, swords, axes, meat cleavers, scissors, and potato peelers. Note that all these tools are used to cut things. They were approaching with a blood lust in their eyes. They were salivating and licking their lips in anticipation of a feast. Most of the ferrets were in front of them, but some were balancing on the fence and some of them were being lowered from the roof by other ferrets and sophisticated climbing equipment. So they were surrounded from all sides by a gang of murderous bloodthirsty ferrets and about to be brutally murdered by anything from swords to potato peelers.

If you can think of anything more terrifying than that, let's hear about it.

"So that's where our rock climbing equipment got to!" exclaimed Saru. "Those little bastards!"

Beast Boy slapped his hand over her mouth. "Shh, we don't want to provoke them any more than necessary!" he hissed.

"Don't worry, they've made up their minds to kill us and nothing we say can make them want to kill us even more," Ryouko said calmly.

"What is it with you girls? Don't you care?" cried Rachel. "Don't you care that we're all about to be slaughtered?"

"Well, we're immortal, remember? So we'll go through a shitload of agony, but then we'll recover and brutally murder these little suckers and bake them in pies and sell them to some gullible little kids and they'll get rabies and die slowly and painfully, mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" laughed Himizu.

"Oh that's just great!" exclaimed Karou. "How does that help us!"

"Oh… good point… Sucks to be you I guess," said Ryouko cheerfully. There was dead silence except for the ferret's chanting, then Hiei slapped Ryouko across the face. "OW!" she exclaimed. She hit him a couple of times with a baseball bat, then put it down and smiled. "Okay, forget that! We'll get rid of them."

"HOW!" everyone yelled at her.

"Okay, did any of your pathetic excuses for brains notice where we are?" demanded Himizu.

"We're by the killer plants area," snapped Youko.

"Good puppy. You have a brain. Maybe I'll take your shock collar off someday," Himizu said with a smirk.

Sensing that Himizu was about to be murdered by a pissed off silver-haired fox, Ryouko continued hastily. "And what do the singing ferrets love more than anything else in the world?"

"Plotting your untimely and bloody demise?" asked Ranma.

(-.-) "Ah, no. Besides that."

"Watermelons," said Conan and Heiji together. Ryouko smiled.

"Exactly!" she sang out. "So what do we have to do to save our lives from these blood thirsty rodents?"

"Throw watermelons at them and lure them over the fence!" exclaimed Akane happily.

Ryouko nodded and whipped out a watermelon. The ferret's heads snapped up.

"The melon, the melon, the melon, the melon, the melon!" they cried.

In less than a minute, the air was full of flying melons and squealing ferrets. In a minute, there wasn't a ferret or a melon in sight. In just over a minute, agonized ferret squealing filled the air. In less than two minutes, it was as though there had never been a ferret, except for the climbing ropes hanging from the roof. The girls looked at these for a minute, then shrugged.

"We'll get them later," said Saru with a shrug. "Maybe one of us will go grab them while we're all in the attics or something."

"Hm… attics…" Himizu muttered. Her eyes were glittering eagerly. "I think we've just decided our next stop on our tour!" she exclaimed happily.

The other three girls seemed perfectly happy with this plan. The Anime characters looked at each other.

"Didn't you say that the attics were where your labs were? And your labs are where you create your specimens?" asked Youko. Himizu glared at him and shocked him again.

"Damn stupid fox with your damn stupid too smart brain! Shut your big mouth!" she yelled. Youko winced in pain, rubbing his neck and growling angrily.

"Take this thing off already! You're going to leave scars on me!" he exclaimed.

"I told you once before, I'm not taking it off until you BEG!" she yelled at him. "You have seriously pissed me off today, so you're not getting rid of that collar that easily!"

Youko grumbled something profane under his breath, but Himizu ignored him and she fell in line with Ryouko, Saru, and Kitsune as they walked back to the front doors of their mansion.

CD Player: You put your left hip in, you put your left hip out, you put your left hip in and you shake it all about!

Ryouko, Saru, and Himizu: (Singing along) You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around! That's what it's all about!

Sano, Saitou, and Hiei: ………………………………………………………………

Ryouko: They're silent.

Saru: That's odd. They were yelling at us so much earlier.

Himizu: Yeah, I was just getting some good swear words and death threats. Why'd they stop?

Ryouko: Maybe they're asleep!

Saru: That would be odd.

Himizu: (Shaking Sano's puppet strings) HEY! SANOSUKE! ARE YOU ASLEEP?

Ryouko: You don't need to be an alarm clock for Switzerland! Chill out.

Saru: Let's jump down and jump on them a few times to see if they'll wake up!

Himizu: Great idea! Let's go!

Hiei: (Whispering) Here they come…

Saitou: Good. You guys know what to do. Just stick to the plan.

Sano: They'll never know what hit them.

* * *

A/N: Oh great, the girls are walking right into a trap and meanwhile, the Anime characters are being led to the dreaded laboratories! Will anyone be left alive by the time this story is over! Ish. That sounded like something you'd hear on some lame action movie. No more writing while high on Mountain Dew!

Sad as it may seem, this story is starting to wind down. I'm giving it five chapters or so more, depending on if I bring Karasu back and how much blackmail I can come up with. There will definitely be two or three more chapters, but I'm really not sure how much further I want to or an able to carry this. If you guys have any ideas, I'd love to hear them. Read and Review! Ja ne!


	19. Et Tu, Dr Frankenstein?

A/N: Well, I finally sat down to update. Unfortunately, my writing time is limited to weekends only. And my weekends are pretty much booked solid. So I'm having a lot of trouble coming up with writing time. At least I updated, but don't look for another update from me for any of my stories until at least Thanksgiving. I'm sorry, but school and stuff just takes up too much of my time. Seeing as most of my readers are students themselves, I'm sure you guys understand. Thanks for the loyalty everyone!

**Chapter 19: Et Tu, Dr. Frankenstein?**

Himizu: Maybe we killed them.

Ryouko: I seriously doubt that they would die so easily. We're barely to our intermediate level of torture. I'd expect them to last until at least the beyond-hard-incredibly-agonizing-death-shall-come-soon phase.

Himizu: Good point.

Saru: Hm… Pokey… (Poking Saitou with a stick)

(The three girls have been circling Saitou, Sano, and Hiei like three jackals trying to decide if their prey is dead or not. The three guys are pretending to be dead or asleep or unconscious or something like that…)

Saitou: (Under his breath) Come on… just a couple steps closer… come on…

(Sano and Hiei wait a bit more patiently for the girls to step within range)

Saru: Can we jump on them yet?

Himizu: … Knock yourself out. If Saitou doesn't respond, maybe I can… I dunno… beat him with a croquet mallet or something… what should I do with him? (Musing)

Saru: Yay! (Jumps into the air, but before her feet make contact with Saitou's back, which would probably paralyze him, he jumps up and does some freaky martial arts move that sends her flying.)

(Sano and Hiei quickly jump up to attack their captors, but Ryouko and Himizu have vanished)

Saitou: Son of a gun… Where the hell did they go?

Disclaimer: Must I do this again? (Lawyers glare) Fine, fine, keep your shirts on… I don't own Animes… I wish I did, but I don't. I wish I owned a lot of things, but I don't. I wish I owned the Sky High DVD, but I don't. (Grumble grumble) What a mean world!

* * *

As the Anime characters and four girls crowded into the elevator that would take them to the lab, Kitsune reminded them again of the warning she had given them back at the beginning of the adventure (in chapter two). "Remember, you can explore as much as you want in the attic and in the first lab, but the second lab is off limits to all those who do not wish to die at the hands of our creations which even we can only barely control," she reminded them. Yusuke grumbled something rebellious under his breath because he's a punk fool and doesn't like rules and restrictions.

As they entered, the Anime characters did an Anime fall. The whole attic was ten times bigger than the biggest museum and about fifty times more crammed. Several of the characters started exploring the junk, although Himizu was glaring rather evilly at Youko. She knew that he knew that there were some seriously rare and valuable artifacts in that attic, things that would bring a hell of a price if sold to the right bidder. He blinked innocently. She gave him her best evil death glare, over the top of her glasses, with her eyes barely open and an evil expression on her face. (I use this look all the time. Max is petrified of it. He thinks I'm going to kill him or something, mwa ha ha!) He twitched nervously. Ryouko kicked him in the shin.

"You're pathetic!" she said in an annoyed voice. "Just transform, ya retard!"

"…" And Youko transformed, probably to spare himself the humiliation of having to reply to that. Himizu rolled her eyes and looked really pissed off. She contented herself by ripping up a random piece of unfortunate paper that happened to float by her head. Then she glared at everyone and stalked into the first lab, followed by Kurama, who was very interested in using the lab for some experiments since he was sure that the girls would spare no expense and give themselves state-of-the-art equipment that only the government would have access to and the general public wouldn't know about it for several more years, but the girls seemed to have a powerful network of spies, thieves, and assassins working for them. Not a pleasant thought, especially since they were also able to hide themselves in the fifth dimension. Putting that thought out of his head, he started looking through the various chemicals and lab equipment, trying to ignore the cage full of mutant canaries. Himizu was poking them and muttering to herself as she stared at them. These were really odd canaries. Some had horns, some had scaly tails, some had no wings, some were singing what sounded like various Black-Eyed Peas songs in Italian, some were whistling Spanish songs backwards in Russian… Yeah. Really creepy canaries.

Yusuke peeked around the doorframe, trying to pretend he couldn't see the canaries. He then peeked back at Ryouko, Kitsune, and Saru, who were absorbed in the various artifacts. He then waved to Kuwabara, Ranma, Kuno, Ryoga, Mousse, Yahiko, and Beast Boy. The gang of stupid rebels snuck into the lab past Kurama and Himizu (although Himizu is so clueless sometimes, you could set her hair on fire and she wouldn't notice until someone told her) and made it to the door to the second lab. This was The Forbidden Zone. But oddly enough, it didn't look like a forbidden zone. There were no locks on the door and only one small sign that said 'Do Not Enter'. They ignored that sign and opened the door. No sooner was the door the merest half-inch open then they were attacked by a herd of tiny green glowing hamsters dressed in tiny leather jackets and wearing tiny gold and silver chains. The terrified screams of the various boys jolted Himizu back to reality with a snap. She looked at them, then shook her head with a sigh.

"Morons. Didn't we warn you not to go in there?"

"You didn't say anything about these green mutant things!" cried Yusuke. Himizu rolled her eyes.

"And that would have stopped you?" Yusuke blinked innocently. Himizu sighed. "Case in point. Now don't move. If you keep struggling, they'll lose their patience and go for the jugular." The boys instantly froze.

"What are those things?" demanded Hiei, looking both disgusted and freaked out.

"The Radioactive Ghetto Hamsters," said Ryouko with a shrug. "They provide some security for the more dangerous and private areas of our mansion. They also make really good assassins."

"So how do you call them off?" asked Kurama curiously. Saru sighed.

"Aw, do we have to let them go?" she whined. Kurama nodded patiently. She scowled angrily and began muttering angry threats under her breath.

(Random note: I am going to start beating my head against my desk in a minute. I was listening to Me Against the Music. God that song is horrible. Brittany Spears has so many issues… Okay… Back to the story)

Ryouko took over the 'calling off of evil hamsters'. She pulled out a giant boom box. "If you don't want to spend the next few minutes clawing at your ears, you may want to cover your ears or leave the room or something… Don't say I didn't warn you."

The Hamster Dance instantly began playing. The hamster's small furry heads shot up and they started dancing ghetto-style to the music. As they got the rhythm, they began rapping the lyrics. Now keep in mind that they are rapping in their tiny squeaky hamsterish voices… to say it sounded like a rusty gate is an insult to the gate and the gate does not deserve that. The gate didn't do anything to you or anyone! Except the bastard that kicked it on his way out and got his hand chopped off by the gate swinging closed… and then the gate ate his hand… mwa ha ha! (Damn, I gotta stop watching so many forensics shows… Nah. Love them too much.) The hamsters then danced their way back into their cages and rapped for a few more moments while the girls locked their cages securely.

"Well, since the hamsters are out of the way, we may as well come in and take a look around. But don't touch any of the experiments. Many of them are dangerous and unstable, which is why they're in here."

"May I point out that a whole bunch of your experiments that are roaming throughout your home as we speak aren't exactly safe and stable either…?" Heiji muttered. Himizu covered his mouth with her hand.

"Shut the hell up. We didn't ask you."

Everyone walked in, staring in stunned silence at the various creatures peering out from their cages. Some looked quite innocent, others looked like they wanted to rip out the people's hearts and eat them. Himizu reached into one of the cages and scooped out a tiny blue squirrel, so small that it looked like a chibi. She stroked it gently, talking softly to it as it jumped onto her shoulder and started juggling small blocks of cheese. The squirrel then started singing something that sounded like Speed Kills, by some band or whatever called Bush (I'm listening to that song… I think it's old, but I don't care, it's so cool!) and juggling the cheese to the rhythm of that song.

"Why would anyone want singing blue squirrels that can juggle cheese?" asked Kido.

"I dunno. It just kinda popped into my head one day and I did some minor tweaking and now I have these cute chibi blue squirrels…" Himizu said casually. Kitsune was stroking the head of a small round ball of fur (Seriously, you couldn't even tell what it was, it just looked like a ball of fur with big round blue eyes.) Ryouko was petting some fire-breathing wolves, which seemed to be some sort of wolf/dragon cross. Saru was feeding Jell-O to a giant yellow animal that sort of resembled a grizzly bear, and a sheep, and a gorilla…

"What is that?" demanded Kaito, his attention caught by the yellow creature. Saru blinked innocently, and pointed at the odd yellow animal.

"This?"

"Yes, that. What is it?"

"A Purple Pickle Eater… Only he's not purple… and he doesn't eat pickles… He's yellow… and he like to eat Jell-O…"

"So why isn't it called a Yellow Jell-O eater?" asked Kaito reasonably.

"Because it doesn't make sense to call it a Yellow Jell-O eater!" cried Saru. Everyone fell over.

Heiji was leaning over to examine a gang of glowing chickens. At the moment they were all sleeping. Ryouko saw him and grabbed him, dragging him backwards away from the cage.

"Be careful not to wake them up! The sonic boom might blow up your eardrums if you're standing too close!" she warned. Kuwabara heard her and started cracking up.

"Those birds? They couldn't hurt anyone!" he laughed, practically going blue in the face from amusement. Ryouko groaned. The chickens opened their eyes. Then they started yodeling.

"YODELE-YODELE-YODELE-YODELE-EEEEEE-HHOOOO! YODELE-YODELE-YODELE-YODELE-EEEEEE-HHOOOO!" screeched the chickens. Everyone was knocked over by the ferocity of the verbal assault.

"Those are the yodeling radioactive chickens," Kitsune said casually. "One of Saru's inventions."

"They do make excellent burglar alarms… Or maybe doorbells…" Saru said cheerfully. (She attacked me with them over an MSN conversation)

"We have some other animals that are more fun, but for now, we may as well take you to the security room," Kitsune said cheerfully. "But you'll never make it IN alive unless you're with one of us, never mind making it OUT."

They all walked up to a door at the far end of the lab. It was covered with about five million different locks of all sorts of different types (including padlocks, ordinary locks, and combination locks… don't ask), which took the girls almost ten minutes to open. But finally the door was open and everyone was able to walk in. The first thing they saw was a guinea pig wearing a military cap and squeaking out directions to gangs of official-looking pandas and koalas carrying machine guns. The guinea pig turned to the four girls and saluted. He then squeaked out a command. The koalas and pandas instantly snapped to attention, saluting the girls and marching forward, prepared to frisk the guests. Kitsune held up her hands calmly.

"That's not necessary, ladies and gentlemen. They're with us."

The guinea pig squeaked out more commands and the koalas and pandas returned to their original duties. Mainly, this seemed to consist of monitoring an incredibly advanced security system or transporting various piles of rare and valuable artifacts or stacks of weapons. The security system consisted of hundreds of buttons and switches and dozens of TV screens, each of which displayed a different room in the house, including storage closets and elevators and even parts of the grounds. There was a huge stack of various tapes from the TVs and each one was labeled with a date and a room. There was already a sizeable pile with that days date on it. Robin's eye twitched.

"You guys taped everything that we've done today?" he demanded.

"Within reason. Some things just shouldn't be seen on camera. Interpret that however you want," Himizu said lazily. "Oh, by the way, this is General Scooter."

The Anime characters then looked over at the weapons. There were basic Stone Age type tools like stone knives and clubs, then they got more modern, with swords, dueling pistols, daggers, sabers, katanas, rifles, machine guns, nuclear bombs, flamethrowers, and various other weapons guaranteed to be deadly and destructive.

"How the heck do you get these things? Aren't half of these illegal?" asked Cyborg.

"We won't tell if you don't…" Saru said with a shrug. Everyone gave her a weird look. She blinked at them. "That came out wrong. Well, you shouldn't have much incentive to tell anyone about this anyways. We don't use it to harm any innocent people… most of the time."  
"Personally, I like murdering those people that kidnap children or young women and force them to work as prostitutes or sex slaves!" Himizu said happily. "For some reason, those things really piss me off."

"Gee, wonder why. Doesn't it piss most people off?" asked Ryouko.

"Well, not the people that make money from it…" Himizu said slowly. "But they're not really people."

"They're bastards," Ryouko stated with a smirk. "Anyways, moving on!"

"We should show them the weasels!" Saru exclaimed.

"Yeah, but then we'll need a demonstration… Hey Himizu, did Kuwabara bring his cat?" asked Ryouko.

Himizu blinked vaguely, then walked over towards the baka ningen. Her nose twitched, then she sneezed. Koto was on the other side of the room and neither Beast Boy nor Shampoo were in their cat forms. Himizu nodded. "He's got her."

"Great!" said Kitsune. "Now, Kuwabara, if you would please let us borrow your cat?" Kuwabara shook his head angrily.

"You can forget it!" he exclaimed furiously. Kitsune sighed.

"Please don't make me use force, Kuwabara. I will not hesitate to beat you senseless. Eikichi will be fine."

Kuwabara wavered, but the desire to remain healthy overcame the desire to protect his kitten. So he handed Eikichi over to Kitsune. She carried the small kitty over to a cage full of red-eyed weasels. Kuwabara fainted as Kitsune allowed one of those weasels to bite the little cat's leg, although she pulled the cat out of harm's way as soon as the weasel had released her. At first, no one detected a change, but suddenly the cat's eyes turned red and the normally gentle affectionate kitten began to claw Kuwabara's face with the strength and ferocity of a panther. Kuwabara began screaming in pain and horror. After about two minutes, the cat settled down and began to purr and rub against her owner's hand. Kuwabara scooped her up and placed her safely in his pocket before turning furiously to four innocent-faced girls.

"What in the world did you do to her?" he cried.

"She got bitten by a vampire weasel. They're one of our more interesting inventions," said Himizu. "Something in their saliva causes the creature bitten to suddenly have a reverse personality. But it's only temporary, depending on the severity of the bite."

"Unfortunately for us, the personality switch only occurs in animals. We haven't figured out how to make if work for humans or demons. Can you imagine one of use acting NORMAL?" Ryouko couldn't help but laugh at the thought.

Kurama was now examining the weasels. He drew back his hand with an exclamation of pain as one of the little bloodsuckers sank their teeth into him.

"It's okay, it doesn't effect humans!" Saru said. No sooner had the words left her mouth, then Kurama's eyes turned red and he started cackling insanely.

"Um… Kurama?" asked Botan timidly. She tapped him lightly on the arm. He swatted her arm away with a terrified expression on his face. Then he began to laugh like a maniac.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! I HATE YOU ALL!" he yelled, then ran off screaming and laughing crazily. Botan looked horrified. The four girls blinked.

"Must've been the Youko," Kitsune said finally.

"Yes, definitely the Youko," agreed the other three girls as Himizu scribbled notes on a clipboard sitting on top of the weasel's cage.

After about five minutes, Kurama returned looking completely normal. He apologized to Botan for frightening her, then glared angrily at the girls for a moment. They, however, thought that the whole thing was a great success.

"There's really only one other experiment worth mentioning here," Saru said finally.

"Do we really want to know?" asked Ranma nervously.

"Yes! Yes you do!" said Ryouko happily. "So glad you asked! Come on, let's go!" She grabbed Hiei's arm and raced off to another room. The other three girls followed, and the Anime characters trailed along behind. They wondered nervously what other weird, wild, and incredibly deadly creatures the girls had made. How many more creatures could the place hold anyways? They were about to find out.

* * *

Saru: I'll never talk! Do your worst!

Saitou: You won't talk, eh?

Saru: Not a word shall leave my lips from this moment forward! (She puts a piece of duct tape on over her mouth)

Saitou, Sano, and Hiei: O.O

Sano: She's going to be quiet… What did we do to deserve such good luck?

Himizu: She's not talking? That's a shame.

Ryouko: Guess it's up to us to annoy you then!

(The two girls appear out of nowhere, Himizu sitting on Sano's head and leaning forward to look into his eyes, Ryouko leaning against Hiei's shoulder. As the two boys try to attack them, the girls seem to vanish again, only to reappear balanced on Saitou's shoulders, like a balancing act in a circus.)

Ryouko: I don't understand though why you guys are so mad at us.

Himizu: Yeah, we only bothered you with our ceaseless prattle, tortured you with our cruelty, and humiliated you so badly you'll never be able to go out in public again. Why should you be mad?

Saru: Hey, you're back! I can talk again!

Saitou: -.-() I hate you…

Sano and Hiei: … Why us?

A/N: I really have no idea why I made General Scooter a guinea pig. I named him randomly back in chapter 3 or 4 or whatever it was and never thought I'd see him again, but I ended up bringing him back and I made him a guinea pig. I thought it would be funny to see these pandas and koalas saluting this tiny little guinea pig… Mwa ha ha… Oh yeah, and the vampire weasels… The part where Eikichi goes nutso and attacks Kuwabara, that was suggested in The Beginning by someone… I can't remember who… but I just couldn't fit it into that fic. However, it worked out great here! Thanks, whoever gave me that idea!


	20. The Best Experiment

A/N: I'm back! I know it's been forever and ever since I last updated and I am sooo sorry! I was totally brain-dead, I have been stuck on the first page for ages! But last night I got a mad brainstorm and wrote five pages in less than an hour. Then I finished it up this afternoon and here it is. I'm really sorry about the update and I hope this chapter makes up for it!

Chapter 20: The Best Experiment

Saitou: Okay… since we're stuck here in this damn field and you three girls are the only way we're going to get out of here, I guess we can try to get along with you…

Ryouko: Sounds nice.

Himizu: Best idea I've heard all day… except for me kidnapping Hiei!

Hiei: Grr…

Saitou: In return, you three will take us back at some point and make some attempt to be civil, okay?

Ryouko: We can consider it.

Himizu: It's a possibility.

Saru: Not if you don't let me go…

Saitou: Sano, you can release her.

(Sano lets go of her arms and Saru is free)

Saru: WOOHOO!

Hiei: Hn…

Saitou: Okay, is it a deal?

Ryouko: Sure.

Saitou: Himizu?

Himizu: I guess…

Saitou: Good… THEN GET OFF MY HEAD!

Disclaimer: I don't own any Animes and I don't own Monty Python. But I own the experiments and the mansion. Mine! Bwa ha ha!

Lawyers: Die!

Himizu: How'd you get out of your cages? Oh well… (Pulls out flamethrowers and torches them)

Zombie Lawyers: Die!

Himizu: Uh oh… this can't be good…

* * *

The girls raced into a room and halted before a large steel door. The Anime characters screeched to a halt behind them. The girls were suddenly having a furious discussion. Ryouko and Saru seemed involved in an argument with each other and one with Kitsune.

"KARASU!" yelled Saru.

"ELDER TOGURO!" screamed Ryouko.

"You're both so mean! Stop torturing them!" Kitsune cried. Himizu stood to one side, arms crossed and eyes closed. She pulled out her MP3 player and started headbanging to Pon de Replay (AWESOME SONG!) and ignoring the argument. Mitari tapped her arm lightly.

"Shouldn't you try to stop them? What are they arguing about?" he asked.

"One, no. I'm not suicidal. Two, they're arguing about who to use as a victim to show off our remaining major experiment. I'm not participating because I'm the one that has to teleport them here. My counterpart is the one writing this fic, so she gave me most of the powers."

Mitari gulped, thinking of the possible destruction Himizu could unleash if her counterpart was as psycho as she was. (Which I am, but that is definitely not the point of this.) Himizu winked at him, then turned back to her friends.

"DECIDE ALREADY, YOU PSYCHO PEOPLE!" she yelled at them. They glared murderously.

"I don't see you helping…" Ryouko snarled.

"Why should I? Both you and Saru have great ideas!"

"Then transport both of them here!" Saru exclaimed happily, ignoring Kitsune's cries of protest. Himizu shrugged vaguely, made some strange signs with her hands, then pointed to an empty corner of the room. Elder Toguro appeared a moment later. As soon as he saw them, he began to shriek and yell about giant fish. Himizu uttered a girly giggle that didn't sound quite right coming from her mouth after all the times that that same mouth had uttered maniacal laughter. A moment later, Karasu appeared. He looked awful, his hair was burnt and singed, he was covered in scrapes, bruises, cuts, and tire marks. The four girls burst into hysterical laughter, even Kitsune.

"Oh, this is priceless!" Ryouko gasped, wiping tears from her eyes and whipping out a camera and capturing several shots of a PO'd Karasu.

After a few minutes of this, the girls prod the freaky villains to their feet with sharp sticks. Then they marched them up to the giant metal doors, which Himizu opened by pressing her palm against a keypad next to one of the doors.

"If anyone but one of us four tried that, the doors would still open, but some lovely little dingle bells would fall on you and then… you'd be in deep shit, put it that way." She smirked happily.

"For once, she and I combined forces, along with Ryouko… it worked out well, this is possibly the best thing we've ever come up with besides the security guards," Saru said. "They're our attack squad, masters of disguise, masters of weapons, masters of martial arts, they can drive or pilot any kind of vehicle, and know every single language, they've never been beaten in a fight, never failed to steal anything, never been caught in any spy mission, never failed in any mission we come up with, and they make damn good chocolate cake. Meet…"

Ryouko and Himizu quickly put dingle bells on Karasu and Elder Toguro.

"…The ninja penguins."

Ryouko and Himizu shoved the two villains into the apparently empty room. The bells jingled. Then they attacked. Hundreds of penguins wearing the leaf headband from Naruto and various karate belts sprang out of nowhere and began to attack the two villains with various jutsus and weapons. After quite a long time, the penguins seemed satisfied that their quarry was out for the count and most of them seemed to vanish, but several stayed and frisked the pair. Karasu was found to have several bombs and Elder Toguro had a gold watch and a few other things of fairly considerable value. Himizu took the bombs with a creepily happy smile and a burst of insane laughter, while Ryouko pocketed the valuables with a smirk of pure joy. Then the other penguins vanished.

"Penguino? Where are you?" demanded Kitsune.

A handsome king penguin appeared right in front of her. It regarded everyone with cool eyes and nodded slightly to the girls.

"I need a report," Kitsune told the penguin. It blinked and then suddenly appeared as a perfect mirror image of Kitsune herself, down to the stray hairs leaking out of the knot at the back of her head and the chips of paint missing from the beads of one of her necklaces. Everyone blinked. The penguin hadn't appeared to move. Then it started speaking in an exact replica of Kitsune's own voice.

"All assigned missions have been completed successfully, no casualties, everyone is accounted for. We awaitmore missions," Penguino, the Kitsune look-alike reported.

"What about the spoils?" Ryouko demanded.

The penguin looked at her, then took on her appearance. "They're right here."

An gang of muscle-bound thugs marched forward with several sealed envelopes and boxes. The girls accepted them cheerfully and the muscle-bound thugs turned into penguins, which then vanished.

"Thanks Penguino-san, you're free to go!" Himizu said happily. The penguin looked at her, then became a perfect image of her, pulled out a can of Mountain Dew, saluted in an exaggerated way, hollered out "Righto!" then hopped away singing. Himizu glared. "CHEEKY BIRD!" she exclaimed after it. "Baka pengin!" (Not a spelling error, that's Japanese for penguin)

"What are we going to do with these two?" Saru asked. She had been poking Karasu and Elder Toguro with a stick, and been very happy doing it, but now that they were done dealing with the ninja penguins, it was time to get down to business.

Ryouko knelt and examined them. "The penguins do not like dingle bells… ET will be fine… he's a stupid immortal bastard after all…" Himizu quickly teleported him back to some random place while Ryouko bent over Karasu. "Karasu though…"

"No worries!" Saru said happily. "He's alive!"

"Then why isn't he moving? What's wrong with him?" Kitsune asked.

Everyone slapped their foreheads… He'd just been beaten up by ninja penguins and she wondered what was wrong with him…

"What's wrong with him?" Himizu asked. "I'll tell you what's wrong with him. He's dead, that's what's wrong with him! Good riddance too!"

"I don't think so," Saru argued.

The two girls were suddenly wearing English clothes and had British accents.

"Look, matey," said Himizu, "I know a dead crow demon when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now!"

"No no he's not dead, he's restin'!"

"Restin'?"

"Yeah. Remarkable demons, crow demons. Horrible hair they have, don't they?"

"The hair don't enter into it. He's stone dead."

"No, no! He's resting!"

"All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up. 'Ello, Mister Karasu! I've got a nice redheaded fox boy here for you to molest when you wake up, Karasu!"

Saru poked Karasu with a stick as Ryouko and Kitsune restrained Kurama from killing Himizu. "There, he moved!"

"No, he didn't, that was you poking him!"

"I did not!"

"Yes, you did!" She grabbed Kararu's hair and began screaming in his ear, still with the outrageous British accent. "'ELLO KARASU! KAR-AS-U!" She began to hit him on the head with a mallet. "KARASU! WAKE UP!" She kept beating him with her mallet. "KARASU!" She dropped Karasu's head back on the floor with a thunk. "Now that's what I call a dead crow demon."

"No, no... he's stunned!" Saru argued.

"Look my gel, I've had just about enough of this. That crow demon is definitely deceased!"

"Well, he's... probably pining for the fjords."

"PININ' for the FJORDS? What kind of talk is that? When has he ever visited fjords? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I let go of his hair?"

"Crow demons prefer keepin' on their backs!"

"Look, he's completely out of it, there's no demon energy in him at all! It's like it's been sucked out of him!

"Well, of course it was sucked out of him! Otherwise he would have pulled out his bombs and BOOM!"

"Look matey, this crow demon wouldn't "boom" if I put four thousand volts through it. He's bleedin' demised!"

"He's not! He's pining for Kurama!"

"He's not pinin', he's passed on! This crow demon is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! This is a late crow demon! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If were to bury him, he would be pushing up the daisies! He's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This... is an EX-CROW DEMON!"

Everyone was watching this scene with huge sweatdrops on their faces. Karasu suddenly opened his eyes and glared at Himizu.

"I'm not dead, you dumb bitch. And that hurt."

Himizu looked livid. She pulled out her giant mallet yet again and proceeded to beat the crap out of him. "SHUT UP AND DIE ALRADY, YOU MAKAI-DAMNED BASTARD!" she yelled at him, beating him to a bloody pulp. Then she scooped up what was left with a shovel and dumped it into a plastic tub. She then added lots of pointy nails, hot coals, cockroaches, more sharp pointy objects, and some nasty biting ants. She then put the lid on the container, sealed it with a whole role of duct tape, and stuck it in a space shuttle, which she attached a bomb to. Then she sent the shuttle off into space, where it blew up and the plastic carton could be barely seen in the distance plummeting to earth, held up by a tissue-sized parachute. Himizu smirked and dusted off her hands. "That's the last we'll see of him!" she declared.

* * *

On the same street that he fell on earlier…

The plastic container fell to earth. After about ten hours, it suddenly exploded. A badly burned, poked, and bitten Karasu tumbled to the street in a heap as the coals, ants, cockroaches, and pointy objects were scattered. Everything but Karasu vaporized as soon as it hit the pavement. Karasu lay in a twitching bloody heap… he was then run over by the same stupid kid riding a tricycle.

"Sorry mister!" he called as he kept riding.

"I'm… going… to… kill…" Karasu snarled. He was about to say more, but then the little kid ran over him again, this time followed by three other kids. Karasu twitched again, then passed out.

* * *

Back at the mansion

"You people have so many issues…" Hiei said coldly.

Himizu was cackling like a maniac as she helped her friends lock the door to the penguin room.

"The penguins are our best experiment ever. They listen almost as well as the koala and panda security guards, although they're a lot more cold and professional and suchlike," Ryouko said casually. "They're almost machines, totally cold-blooded and ruthless, yet they have a strong sense of loyalty. I believe they would commit suicide if they were about to be captured and had no way to mass murder every single enemy and had no escape route rather than betray us and out secrets. They can imitate and appearance and behavior of anyone after seeing them only once, even from a distance. Want a demonstration?"

Everyone nodded with interest, so Ryouko made a few hand signs, then a penguin appeared in front of them.

"Turn into Miroku," Ryouko commanded.

Miroku had been in the back of the group when they had seen the penguins, and he was still in the back. However, the penguin, without any sign of hesitation, turned into a handsome black-haired monk with purple robes and a staff, a perfect copy of Miroku. He then grabbed Botan's hand and asked her to bear his child while touching her butt, then Sango whacked him on the head with her boomerang before remembering that this wasn't actually Miroku.

"Amazing…" Hiei said. He was very impressed. The swirly-eyed Miroku look-alike suddenly turned into a sullen-looking Hiei.

"Hn… Baka ningens…" it said. Everyone except Hiei cracked up.

"You may go," Himizu managed to wheeze out as she clung to Sanosuke to stay upright. She then dissolved into laughter once more. Kitsune and Saru were also clinging to Anime characters to stay upright, and Ryouko was almost crying with laughter on Hiei's shoulder. He gave her a slight shove away from him and she fell onto the floor, still laughing.

"Good grief… it wasn't that funny…" Hiei growled.

"No, it wasn't… it's just hilarious because it's just so true… and seeing it come from a penguin…" Ryouko grinned again. Hiei rolled his eyes and looked disgusted.

"Hey, Himizu, did you get that?" asked Saru.

"You betcha!" Himizu sang out, holding a video camera and watching Hiei and Ryouko talk. Hiei saw the camera and tried to grab it from her, but she scooted out of his reach. "I don't think so mister! My camera! Mine! Mine! Mine!"

"Shut up! Give me the damn camera!"

"Forget it! Blackmail material is the best! Go away! Die! Get eaten by a frog!" she yelled at him.

"Frogs don't eat people!" he yelled at her.

"Saru, write that down! That'll be our next experiment!" Himizu exclaimed, scooting away from Hiei and hiding behind Sano.

"Check! Man-eating frog…" Saru said, scribbling on a post-it note, which she attached to her forehead.

"Blackmail… that's it!" Kitsune cried. "I know what we can do next!"

"Whatwhatwhatwhat?" queried her three friends.

"We can show the excerpts from our voluminous collections of blackmail!" she cried happily.

"PERFECT!" the other girls yelled.

"To the Vault!" Ryouko exclaimed, hopping upright and darting off. Himizu, Saru, and Kitsune were right behind her. The Anime characters looked alarmed, but followed behind obediently. Anything other than perfect obedience meant almost certain death.

* * *

Saitou: GET OFF MY HEAD!

Himizu: Why?

Saitou: It's part of the deal.

Himizu: What deal?

Saitou: The deal where we're nice and you guys are civil and take us back.

Himizu: Oh… right… that deal.

Saitou: So get off my head!

Himizu: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?

Saitou: I'm going to kill you…

Himizu: Now that's hardly nice, is it? You made a deal, remember?

Saitou: If you can't hold up your end of the bargain, I won't hold up mine either!

Himizu: Look, all I'm doing is standing on your head! A little shampoo to get rid of the shoeprints, a little gel and some Plaster of Paris to hold it in place, and you'll be good as new, so shut up and stop whining!

A/N: I don't own the Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch. But it's hilarious! And I steal it! Mwa ha ha! Anyways, this fic was originally going to be called The Blackmail files, but I changed my mind when I got all my other ideas. However, in the next chapter, I'm going to write out all the ideas that made me start this fic in the first place. Any blackmail you want me to include would be great. It can be anything, weird confessions, practical jokes, torture, bloopers, stupid random ideas that come into your head while you're daydreaming in math class, I don't care, as long as it's not R-rated, there's a pretty good chance I'll use it! Send in ideas! Sorry for the long wait, I hope it was worth it!


	21. Blackmail Rules the World

**Chapter 21: Blackmail Rules the World**

(Saitou is trying his best to not resort to murder to get the psycho Himizu off his head)

Sano: What was up with the Plaster of Paris comment?

Himizu: Well, you know how some guys fight and their hair doesn't even MOVE? Those guys shampoo with Plaster of Paris, I'm not even kidding! That, or they use about ten gallons of hairspray… like the anti-gravity haired dude over there!

Hiei: (Snarls)

Sano: I resent that!

Himizu: You use hairspray? I thought you just got out of bed and didn't bother combing your hair!

(Everyone but Sano snickers, even Hiei and Saitou)

Sano: (Snarls)

Ryouko: That was too creepy… you sounded wwwaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy too much like Hiei!

Hiei: (TWITCH!)

Saru: That's true… (Cracks up)

Himizu: Sano, don't act like the short sadistic murderous monstrosity… if you ever do that again, I will personally beat you up… screw the fact that you're sexy!

Ryouko: Stop right there, I know exactly where this is going! I don't wanna hear another word about that stupid hockey player that you're gaga over!

Himizu: Hmph! Fine!

Disclaimer: Flee the zombie lawyers! They want my brain! I don't want to give them my brain! I need it to write stories! They won't leave me alone! Even though I've admitted that I own no Animes and I don't even own some of the ideas from the story! But they still want to eat my brain! They wanted my heart, but then they realized that I didn't have one!

* * *

The Vault turned out to be another high-security room, which took several minutes for the girls to open up. Inside, there were rows and rows of filing cabinets. Arranged in alphabetical order, it contained dirt on probably everyone the girls knew, even King Enma. When Kitsune opened one of the drawers, Kurama peeked in and was surprised to see various memory cards from cameras, videotapes, audiotapes, file folders full of documents and photographs, and many other miscellaneous items. The girls ran around, grabbing stuff out of seemingly random drawers, all the while making sure that the Anime characters remained near the door. When Yusuke saw a drawer with his name on it, he reached out to it, but no sooner had his fingers touched it that sirens went off and he found himself pinned between a pair of pandas carrying giant machine guns. Ryouko glared at him.

"The file drawers are programmed to only accept our hands, so if you touch them, you'll just get the crap beaten out of you."  
Himizu smirked and nodded for the guards to let go, then reached into the same drawer Yusuke had tried to open and pulled out some stuff. When the girls were done, they led the way to a comfortable room with a big-screen TV, an advanced stereo system, and an overhead so that pictures could be displayed easily. Everyone settled down on one of the many couches and chairs and waited apprehensively for the "fun" to start.

The first item was a videotape. Ryouko popped it into the VCR and pressed Play. Hiei appeared on the screen. He was sitting at a table in Ryouko's house eating ice cream. There was a brief shot of Ryouko slipping something into the ice cream before handing it to Hiei, who ate it without suspicion. When he finished, he stood up. Then his skin began to turn green and his hair began to split and Jagons began opening all over his body. He pulled out his katana and raced around the house smashing random chickens screaming "HULK MUST SMASH!" at the top of his voice. Ryouko watched nearby, laughing hysterically and carefully moving more of her mother's prized chicken figurines into the path of the rampaging Hiei.

"I remember making that tape…" Himizu said happily. "I was born to go into film…"

"What the hell did you put in my ice cream?" Hiei yelled at Ryouko, who smiled.

"Just a few caffeine pills, nothing major. I'm not that cruel, it wore off, right?"

"Why don't I remember this…?" Hiei growled, looking like he was going to go berserk and murder everyone in the room.

"Actually, we've researched that caffeine causes temporary block amnesia in demons… so anytime you have too much caffeine, you won't remember anything that happens to you," Kitsune told him.

"Where did you find demons to test these theories on?" Kurama asked.

"Duh! The random Makai assassins that come after us cuz we steal a bunch of stuff from random Makai lords and kill anyone that gets in our way. Then when they send their little minions or whatever to kill us, we use them for experiments and then torture them to death if the experiments don't kill them first," Himizu said, rolling her eyes as though this answer should have been completely obvious.

The girls then pulled out a tape. They stuck it in a tape player and soon Kuwabara and Yukina were heard talking. Kuwabara was flirting very horribly and Yukina was completely naïve. Then they heard Shizuru yelling something about needing more cigarettes. They heard her marching out the door and the door being slammed very hard. Kuwabara's loud obnoxious voice was heard saying, "Yukina darling, don't ever smoke. You will damage your lilting voice and your marvelous beauty will become pasty and you will look like a has-been, like my sister." Yukina's reply was inaudible at that point because Shizuru, horrified by her brother's words, was now standing up and marching toward her terrified brother. She stood in front of him and suddenly began to beat the shit out of him.

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A HAS-BEEN! YOU LITTLE BRAT! I OUGHTA KILL YOU!" she screamed, still beating the living crap out of him.

"How did you get a tape recorder into his house?" Kurama asked.

"We're just magical that way, don't try to figure it out," Saru told him. Suddenly she looked at him and got a very evil look on her face. Kurama winced. He should have figured they would somehow have blackmail on him… Saru pulled out a videotape. Kitsune saw her and started yelling at her, but Saru quickly shoved the tape into the VCR and passed the remote to Himizu while Kitsune tried to strangle her. Himizu looked very evil, but that happened all the time. She pressed Play.

The tape showed Saru adding something to a cup of tea. The next shot showed her handing said cup to Kurama who drank it. In the real world, Kurama's eyes widened. He remembered drinking that cup of tea, he also knew that he had blacked out for several hours. What the girls had done to humiliate him in that time… he didn't want to think about it… The next scene on the tape showed Kurama passing out on the floor. Then Ryouko and Saru both tiptoed forward.

"Where's Kitsune?" Saru on the tape asked.

"No clue… Himizu?" Ryouko asked.

"Shopping, no da," a voice replied… now everyone knew that Himizu was the person holding the camera. The real Himizu raised her fist in triumph.

"I love being a cameraperson! Yes, I do pretty much all the filming for these blackmails."

Back on the tape, the two girls were dragging the unconscious Kurama to a swimming pool. Remember, none of the people have been to Animedom before, this is a pool in Ningenkai. And it was filled with orange hair dye, almost exactly the same sort of horrible shade that Kuwabara's hair is colored. Someone then used Authoress Powers to put Kurama in an ancient pair of swimming trunks. Then he was repeatedly dunked into the pool until he red hair and pale skin were the same disgusting shade of Kuwabara's hair. Kurama was then dragged back to Ryouko's house. Two hairdryers were produced and Ryouko and Saru began to liberally dry him off. Then phase two began. Ryouko went off camera and then Himizu appeared with a slight bounce of the camera view. Evidently, the camera had changed hands. Himizu was holding several cups of paint. She began to carefully paint Kurama's hair with red, yellow, green, blue, and violet paint, leaving some streaks of the horrid orange as well.

"Very nice…" Saru muttered with approval.

"Better give him another sedative… those things don't last very long," Himizu said.

"True… we should make some more powerful ones in the lab sometime…" Saru said, pulling out another dropper of liquid. She squirted it into Kurama's mouth and smiled. "He'll be out for a couple more hours at the least."

"Excellent… damn, if he or Kitsune catch us, we're going to be in such deep shit…"

"But we will get caught, remember? That's the point of this tape!"

"Okay, so we're sentencing ourselves to eternal damnation. But this is so funny!" Himizu said, grinning. She finished her paint job and Saru pushed the senseless Kurama into a sitting position so they could all admire their handiwork.

"This is so perfect…" Ryouko said. "Himizu, get over here so I can get some Polaroids of this. Himizu scooted over and accepted the video camera and Ryouko scooted into view to shoot several pictures of their work. Then she knelt down in front of Kurama. "I feel like we should do more to him…"

"Why? All we did to Hiei was give him some caffeine…" Himizu protested.

"Yeah, if you'd had your way…" Ryouko trailed off.

"How do you know I didn't get my way?" Himizu asked, cackling.

Ryouko's eyes widened in horror. Saru suddenly cracked up. Himizu exploded.

"YOU MAKAI-DAMNED PERV! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" she yelled.

"I know, but it still sounds wrong."

"Shut the hell up. Now listen to me!" She quickly had a conversation with her two associates, but she had also turned the volume off, so no one could hear them. Then the picture cut out.

The camera came back on to reveal Ryouko standing in front of the camera. Behind her was a large curtain and Saru stood next to it, ready to whisk it aside.

"Okay, go!" Himizu's voice said.

"Well, here we go… the ultimate blackmail against Kurama… as of this moment… Kurama, if you ever see this… what am I saying? Kurama, WHEN you see this, please don't murder us! Okay Saru!"

Ryouko stepped to one side and Saru whisked the curtain away… revealing… Kurama! Duh! He was still unconscious… and he was now tied to a chair. He was still orange and still had the freaky rainbow-painted hairdo. It was the rest that was messed up. Someone had carefully applied bright pink lipstick, brilliant blue eyeliner, liberal amounts of mascara, and copious amounts of bright pink rouge to his face. And that wasn't even the best part. He was dressed in a lacy pink bra, frilly tights, and a super short pink miniskirt. He was also wearing jewelry, various chains and whatnot, whatever whores wear, cuz that was what Kurama looked like. An orange, rainbow-haired, cross-dressing whore. Ryouko, Saru, and Himizu all cracked up and Ryouko snapped a whole role of film.

"Oh, this is priceless!" gasped Ryouko as she finished.

"Oh, what fun, what fun!" Saru said. "This was a great idea, Himizu."

"That's what I do best!" Himizu said happily.

(A/N: I can't really take ANY credit for this idea, it was all… What the hell is her current penname? Nowanda's idea! She sent it to me in a review several chapters ago. I thought it was hilarious… but I did elaborate a little… I dunno how much of a whore she was picturing Kurama when she sent me this idea, but I think I made him quite a bit of a slut… if you're mad at me about this, I'll get my comeuppance later… believe it! Stupid Naruto catch phrase, I could maim the person that came up with that!)

No longer in the tape, but in the real world… Kurama sat frozen in horror. He had woken up on the couch in Ryouko's basement to see the three girls watching TV. He had been wearing his normal clothes, no jewelry, no makeup, and his hair and skin had been their normal colors. He had wondered if they had done anything to humiliate him, but had decided not to peruse the matter… Now he was completely numb with horror and shock. Kitsune began to scream at her friends. Obviously, she had seen the tape before and had hoped that they would be kind enough to allow it to remain hidden in the Vault, but she really should have known better, since the other three were so sadistic and cruel, there was no way in the seven circles of hell that they would let something as cruel and hilarious as this tape slip under the radar.

Inside Kurama's head, Youko was interested. Somehow, the sedative had affected him too and he hadn't known what had been done to his human body. But now he knew and he was almost as angry as his human self. And since Kurama was so numb and horrified, Youko found it almost too easy to gain control.

Himizu growled in rage and annoyance as the shocked redheaded boy vanished, replaced by a pissed off fox-man. Youko moved forward towards her, snarling. Himizu quickly made a cross with her fingers to ward him off. Ineffective, yes, but it confused him enough that she was able to hide behind Sano. Youko turned towards Ryouko and Saru, who meeped and also ducked behind Sano. Sano had a pathetic 'why me?' look on his face. Youko threw the young man aside and found himself facing three psycho girls with mallets. What else is new?

After Youko was restrained and the girls' safety was now in… less question, they got on with the blackmail. Himizu pulled out a photo, which she showed Ryouko. Ryouko's eyes widened in shock (O.O), but she was amused enough to allow Himizu to project this image to the interested characters. This was obviously what Himizu had meant when she said that she hadn't gotten her way with Hiei. This photo was of an unconscious Hiei wearing a schoolgirl uniform similar to Keiko's with his hair in pigtails. Hiei glared at Himizu and drew his katana. She made the finger cross again and pulled the picture back out of sight, cackling. Hieji watched her put it away.

"You are one seriously twisted child," he told her.

"First, I'm not a child, I'm not that much younger than you. Second, of course I'm twisted, you moron!" she said.

Kitsune's head shot up suddenly. She then started laughing. "Oh, Himizu, you are going to hate me forever! Mwa ha ha ha!"

"Hold it, that's my laugh! Wait… you're not going to show them… that tape? Are you?"

Kitsune just laughed. Ryouko and Saru looked at her like she was nuts.

"Funny as that tape is, I don't know if it's good for them to know what Himizu does in her spare time…" Ryouko muttered.

"You make it sound like I do it on a regular basis! You know I don't! I was TRYING to assassinate him, it's not my fault that he goes to places like that!"

"And when he did, you followed him! You could have just left!" Saru pointed out.

"Shut the hell up!" Himizu growled.

"What the heck are you insane people talking about?" demanded Inuyasha. The girls instantly started whistling and suchlike, stupid gestures of innocence that fooled no one.

"Oh, gee, sounds like we're going to have to show them the tape after all…" Ryouko muttered. "Oh dear, whatever shall we do…?"

"You will die and I will destroy the tape and go on a mad caffeine binge and set something on fire, at the very least," Himizu replied.

Ryouko suddenly tackled Himizu and held her down with Saru's help while Kitsune raced to the VCR and put the tape in. She pressed Play…

* * *

(Himizu is still pouting about Ryouko yelling at her to not talk about hockey)

Ryouko: Well, at least she shut up…

Saru: So true… Wanna play Uno?

Ryouko: YES! Hiei, Sano, what about you guys?

Sano: Sure…

Hiei: Okay… unless you wanna play Go Fish…

Ryouko: NO! I hate that game now! Stupid psychic dragon master… (Rants and raves for a while about this)

(They sit down and play Uno for three hours, and Hiei is winning, when suddenly…)

Saitou: THAT'S IT! (Whips out sword and attacks Himizu, who jumps off his head, and the attack knocks Saitou unconscious)

Ryouko: -.- What did you do?

Himizu: (Innocent face that fools no one…) Nothing! Why would you suggest that I did anything to him?

Saru: Cuz that's what you do! You annoy people and then they try to kill you, but you somehow manage to knock them out or turn their attack on them or something.

Himizu: Idiot forgot I was sitting on his head… (Smirks)

Ryouko: So what did you do?

Himizu: I've been humming the Jeopardy theme song for the last three hours… (Evil smile)

Ryouko and Saru: (Slap foreheads) And you wonder why everyone tries to attack you!

Himizu: Heh heh heh…

Sano and Hiei: -.-

Saitou: X.X

A/N: Wow, my first cliffie in ages. What's on this tape that Himizu wants to keep hidden from everyone else? Send in some guesses! Send me more blackmail ideas! Send me something, godamnit, so that I know I'm not just posting some kind of pointless crap that no one ever reads! I need inspiration! Please, let me pick your brains so that I have ideas! Don't make me find out where you live and dig through your brain with a rusty spoon! Right, like I would do that… Anyways, please please please send in some ideas or even just reviews! I want to know that people read this! REVIEW, PLEASE!


	22. An Odd and Scary Chapter

A/N: HI! I'm alive and updating, woohoo! As the chapter title suggests, this chapter is really odd and scary. It came to me randomly and I thought it was pretty funny, but it's a bit off what I usually write about. Thought I'd branch out. Let me know what you think. Should I write more like this, return to my old style, write both, or be strung up by my toenails and gutted and burnt and fed to an aligator for daring to write such things? You tell me. Enjoy.

Chapter 22: An Odd Scary Chapter

Himizu: (Humming the Jeopardy theme song while walking around looking at everyone's cards)

Saitou: (Unconscious)

Ryouko, Saru, Hiei, and Sano: (Playing Uno)

Himizu: Hiei… if you win… can I put your hair in pigtails?

Hiei: (Gives her a weird look over the top of his two remaining cards)

Ryouko, Saru, and Sano: (Also give Himizu weird looks)

Himizu: Let me rephrase that… Hiei, when you win, I'm going to put your hair in pigtails.

Hiei: WHAT?

Ryouko: WHEN he wins?

Saru: I knew it, he's cheating!

Sano: …

Himizu: Yes, he's going to win. That cheating bastard has two Wild cards!

Hiei: (Throws cards at Himizu, like shurikin from Naruto) Thanks for telling everyone, witch!

Himizu: (Dodges cards easily) You're welcome, jerk!

Hiei: (Throws more cards) I wasn't being serious, freak!

Himizu: (Still easily dodging cards) I know you weren't, bastard!

Hiei: (Still throwing cards) Maybe there is a chance that you have a brain cell, moron!

Himizu: (Still dodging cards) I resent being lowered to your level of intelligence, shrimp!

Ryouko: (Sigh) They'll be at it for a while…

Saru: You said it… More cards?

Ryouko: Sure… Sano?

Sano: (Shrugs) Ok.

(They play cards)

Saitou: X.X

Disclaimer: Still running from zombie lawyers! Wait, never mind. They just ran onto a treadmill and they're running on the treadmill. They don't realize they're on a treadmill because they have no brains, which is why they want mine. If I stand here too long, they might figure it out, so I'll pacify them by telling you that I don't own any animes or anything like that, but I own the stuff that I made up for this fic! Now to go laugh at stupid zombie lawyers, mwa ha ha!

* * *

The TV screen showed a view of a dark damp alley. Whoever was holding the camera was walking slowly through the alley and seemed to be looking for something or someone judging by the way the camera view panned everywhere. Suddenly Karasu walked past. The camera froze and suddenly everyone was looking at the back of a dumpster. After a few seconds, Himizu's face appeared. She was wearing her trademark Blue Jackets sweatshirt and maniacal smile.

"Hello, it's me, Himizu, on a suicide mission. Isn't that awesome! I just wanted to say that I am on a mission to get blackmail on that asshole crow demon known as Karasu. If I'm caught and blown up, I leave all my possessions to my three pals, since they'll steal them anyways. But if you guys burn my Blue Jackets stuff, I WILL find out and I will RISE from the DARKEST PITS OF HELL and I will HUNT YOU DOWN and I will BRUTALLY SLAUGHTER you and NO ONE will EVER find your remains! EVER! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Ahem. Moving on. I'm currently hidden in a dark alley and it's really quiet and if he's still here, he's probably heard me talking by now and he's probably standing on the other side of this dumpster right now and he's about to blow me up… just a minute."

The camera moved around rapidly. Himizu was evidently scampering away. Suddenly the camera turned and focused on the dumpster, which suddenly blew up. Karasu glared at the wreckage, snorted, turned, and stomped off. Himizu appeared. She continued as though nothing had happened.

"So anyways, I plan to follow this asshole around until I find out what he does in his spare time cuz no one knows that, so it must be bad, so it must be blackmail, mwa ha ha! Aren't I sweet?"

She started following Karasu, who was moving rather quickly through back alleys in the bad part of the city where they were currently walking. Himizu muttered to herself about gangs that were going to come after her and how she didn't feel like killing them all with her machine gun and then destroying all evidence like she did in the latest St. Valentine's Day Massacre, it was too much trouble doing that, especially right now when she was on a mission. Finally Karasu stopped and slid behind a dumpster. Himizu, of course, in her infinite wisdom, climbed on top of the dumpster to see what he was doing and when she was him without a shirt on, she promptly fell into the garbage bin, died, was brought back to life because Koenma has no wish to sacrifice his sanity this soon, and spazzed out in the middle of all that garbage. She then pressed the camera up to her face so all that could be seen was her eyes.

"I am scarred for LIFE! FOR LIFE, GODAMNIT! Gods, Karasu stripping! I thought it was bad when Kuwabara took off his shirt in those couple episodes, or Younger Toguro when he does that mad power up, and especially, dear God, when Elder Toguro took off his shirt in that one episode! Dear God, that almost killed me and I thought nothing could be that bad, but Karasu! For the love of all that is good in the world, no one should ever have to see that! Ack! Sick, sick, sick! That's even more sick than what I'm doing right now, which is sitting in the middle of a crapload of garbage that's also really disgusting, but not nearly as disgusting as seeing Karasu strip! Gods, I'm so glad I only saw him with his SHIRT off, what if it had been his PANTS? I'll tell you what would have happened! I would have murdered him and burned his corpse, burned this film since no one should ever have to see that, and then committed Hara-kiri or Seppuku, or whatever the hell that's called! Even though I'm not a Japanese samurai, but screw that!" She paused and took several deep breaths, then cocked her head. "He seems to be gone… I hope it's safe…" She poked her head out of the dumpster and saw Karasu walking down the street. Then she fell OUT of the dumpster when she saw him.

Karasu was dressed… differently. To put it mildly. The first phrase that went through Himizu's mind was 'man-whore.' How did they know it was the first phrase that went through her mind if she was on TV? Simple. She told them.

"Shit, he looks like a goddamn man-whore!" she muttered, turning the camera away from the sight.

(The authoress suddenly realizes that she's not sure how a man-whore would look, having lived a very sheltered life with her crimes shows, books about murder, and hockey… she has never seen a man-whore… she has no desire to see a man-whore… she wonders how she can watch five different crime shows a week for the last few years and still have not seen a man-whore… then she reminds herself that she doesn't want to see one anyways and now she has probably cursed herself and there will probably be a man-whore on the next episode of C.S.I. Miami… the authoress realizes that she has digressed rather badly and has written a very long paragraph about her never seeing a man-whore… she decides to stop this nonsense, but not before saying that she will not describe Karasu's outfit since she doesn't know what it should look like and will leave it up to the reader's imaginations… her only restrictions are that everything is skanky and Goth and black… other than that, she doesn't care what you are picturing.)

"Gag me with a spoon! What the hell is that crow doing? That outfit wouldn't ever attract the sluttiest slut who would screw anything that stood still long enough… This is interesting… I wonder if he'll get beat up…"

So in her infinite wisdom, Himizu started following Karasu. After only about two minutes of walking, they arrived at a nightclub. It's very exclusive, and very… well… adjectives fail me… Let's just say that there's alcohol, drugs, and sex everywhere… Himizu melted into the shadows as Karasu was waved in by a huge ugly-as-hell creepy looking jerk of a man. Himizu frowned as two people walked out, stoned out of their minds. The guy had his shirt hanging off and his pants barely clinging to his butt. The girl had her shirt hanging partially off and was wearing a super-short miniskirt. They staggered past Himizu and she gagged, obviously hoping they would make it at least out of her sight before they fell onto the ground in the alley and started tearing each other's clothes off.

"Okay… that gives some of the Law and Order SVU episodes a run for their money… moving on… Karasu is inside the bar. Should I leave? Should I hide out here and wait for him to come out? Or should I try to find a way in even though I'm a minor and technically not allowed in such crude establishments? All in all, I think I like choice C. Mwa ha ha, I never thought I would sneak into a bar, but now it looks like I'm going to… now, how shall I get in…? Of course… damn, this is going to bite… Damn…"

The camera went black for a while, then came back on. The lens was angled so that all that could be seen was Himizu's face.

"Well, I'm all ready. I figured that the best way to get in was to blend in with the crowd… kind of… All I'm saying is that I am NEVER going to put anything like this on again! EVER!"

She reached out and pushed the camera lens down to show herself. She was wearing a skanky black tank top and a short black mini skirt. Her hair was done up and she wore Goth jewelry and Goth makeup, including the black lipstick and eyeliner. She was also wearing knee-high high-heeled leather boots, black of course.

"Don't I look like a slut? Ugh… I'm disgraced… Oh well… Now, the video camera. Obviously, I can't go in there with this thing strapped to me shoulder, but I've solved that problem. I've attached a miniature camera to the hinge of one side of my glasses. Now I'm gonna turn it on."

The view of the camera changed to show the video camera that Himizu was looking down upon.

"Perfect, it works! Okay, time to crash this party! Woot!"

She walked up to the doors and everyone got a great look at the ugly muscle man who was guarding the door.

"Hi," Himizu purred. Everyone watching the tape was instantly impressed. As far as they had known, her settings consisted of pissed off, hyper, and semi-normal… but now they were finding out that she could act. She sounded rather seductive. Youko instantly started getting ideas and Himizu seemed to read his mind because she clobbered him with her mallet.

Back on the tape, the guard looked mildly at her. He wasn't very impressed. "What do you want?" he snapped.

"Why, I want to come in of course, tee hee," Himizu giggled. The guard glared.

"Where's your pass?" he grunted.

"My boyfriend stole it as a joke. I bet he's inside already. Would you please let me go get it from him? I swear I'll come right out and show it to you," she pleaded, sounding so innocent. The guard glared. Himizu moved closer. "I'll pay you well for your trouble," she purred. The guard smirked.

"Fine. Go on it," he said, opening the door for her.

"Thanks, you're a real sweetheart," Himizu cooed. She moved into the club. As soon as the door closed, she gasped, "Gag me with a spoon! The only payment HE'S gonna get is my boot in his balls! Pervert!" She took in her surroundings.

On the dance floor, people were dancing very seductively. It was kind of alarming, but Himizu didn't seem fazed. After all, almost all C.S.I. Miami episodes have at least one club scene. It wasn't like she had never seen these things before… just not firsthand. The bar was crowded, but she picked out Karasu pretty easily, since those who weren't dead drunk yet were giving him a pretty wide berth. It was still early though. They had time. Himizu walked in his general direction and was almost instantly accosted by a leering older man.

"Hello there doll," the older man growled. Himizu's eye twitched so hard her glasses moved and nearly fell off, which would have been bad since the camera would have broken. "Wanna dance with me?" He eyed her butt as he spoke. Himizu's reaction was instantaneous.

"Go screw a cow, asshole!" she snapped, slapping him in the face and moving coolly past him. The bartender laughed out loud.

"Finally, a girl with some spunk!" he said as the older man left the bar crying. "That man has been harassing the young ladies here for as long as I can remember and you're the first girl to stand up to him like that. What'll you have?" he asked, reaching towards the glasses.

"Vodka with lemonade," Himizu replied. Everyone watching the tape fell over. Bad enough she was in a bar illegally, now she was ordering alcohol, still illegally. The bartender pulled out a shot glass, filled it, and handed it to the girl, who accepted, probably with a charming smile. "Bottoms up," she whispered into the camera, then chugged the shot. As Miami, by Will Smith, started playing, Himizu started cruising the establishment, making sure to keep her eye on Karasu while also avoiding him. He seemed intent on a conversation with some dude who was so drunk he was almost falling off his chair. Himizu slipped closer, close enough to hear what he was saying.

"So for this TV show, I'm told that I have to be in love with this pretty-boy prep and I'm like, 'hell no!' I mean, he was good-looking, but just not my type. I was crushing on one of my costars, big muscular dude, always wearing this big helmet. Just a dark mysterious tough guy. Bui was the greatest. I didn't really like the director's choice, but it pays the bills and I was working with Bui, so I said sure. Next thing I know, Kurama's got my heart in the palm of his hand and Bui turns out to be this old silver-haired guy! I couldn't believe it. I'd spent so long yearning for him, and it turns out he was an old geezer! And then, to add insult to injury, Kurama rejected my advances and killed me! Killed me! Just like that, without any kind of ceremony! Granted, I got to play with him for a while, torturing him and suchlike, but still, he killed me! And then I get brought back to life to be tortured by a bunch of psychotic authors and authoresses and I still can't get with Kurama. But wait! He gets tortured by some of those authors and authoresses too! Maybe if I kill one or two of them, he'll see that I'm perfect for him! Oh, it's perfect! Yes, and I know just the girl! I'll get rid of the one that brought me back to life to suffer this torture, and the one that happens to torture me the most! Perfect! She owns some huge mansion in another dimension or something, but I'll find a way to get there! Maybe I can bribe Koenma into letting me travel through dimensions! He hates her too, I'm sure! She has blackmail on everyone, she may even have some on me! So I'll get him to send me to her mansion and I'll blow it up and kill her and then I'll show Kurama her dead corpse and he'll be so grateful, I'll be able to prove how much I really love him! It's brilliant! BRILLIANT! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

The guy he'd been talking to just blinked and ordered another beer.

"Yes, this is perfect! I'll go right now!" Karasu cried, jumping to his feet and spinning around, nearly crashing into Himizu. His eyes widened in surprise. "H-H-Himizu!" he yelped.

"You know, when you're plotting a homicide in order to get your true love to pay some attention to you, you really should try doing it when your intended victim isn't standing RIGHT BEHIND YOU, YOU MORON!" she yelled. Karasu yelped in alarm and turned to run. "GET BACK HERE!" Himizu yelled. She chased after him, as he barreled out the door past the stunned security guard.

"What a spunky girl!" laughed the bartender. "I'll give her a free drink anytime she comes in here."

"Thanks man!" Himizu yelled as she vaulted out the door. The security guard saw her chasing Karasu.

"Hey, where's your ID?" he yelled at her as she leapt over him.

"That jerk has it! I'll get him yet!" Himizu yelled, chasing Karasu. She paused for a second to take the camera off her glasses, then conjured up some odd little machine that started floating behind her. "This thing will let you see what I'm doing!" she told the camera. "Now, to catch that damn crow! It's crow hunting season!" she yelled, pulling out a giant mallet and no less than three guns, including a machine gun and two hunting rifles. Then she spun around, her slutty clothes suddenly turning into an awesome cowgirl-type outfit, complete with cowboy boots, black cowboy hat, and lasso. "Yippie-yi-yi-yi-yi!" she hollered, taking off in pursuit of the crow. They all got to see her running like a maniac down a busy street, screeching like a maniac, and firing her guns at the crow. Then the camera went to static, then black. Everyone turned to stare at Himizu, who hid underneath one of the couches.

"TEMPORARY INSANITY, THAT'S ALL IT WAS!" she screamed hysterically. Ryouko, Kitsune, and Saru all cracked up. Some of the Anime characters also had to laugh, but most of them seemed totally stunned by Himizu's actions. Youko looked vaguely disgusted by his stalker's choice in both men and hangouts. He thought about making some comments about Himizu's outfit, but realized that no matter what she was thinking now, any comments from him would do nothing but get him mauled by her and her mallet.

* * *

Himizu: (Now sitting on that dumb brick wall in the middle of the poppy field… hopefully you haven't forgotten where they are or what's there) Yes, exercise! (Punches air)

Hiei: Never (gasp) again (pant), you freak! Where (gasp) did you (pant) get so much (gasp) energy?

Himizu: Idiot… (Pulls out a can of Mountain Dew and chugs it)

Hiei: … X.X (Passes out)

Himizu: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (Continues laughing like a maniac)

Ryouko: Stupid Hiei… he should've known that all the caffeine she drinks would build up in her system…

Saru: He really should have known better than to try to outrun her or whatever you want to call that.

Sano: Hm… (Smirks slightly as he watches the group)

Saitou: Ugh… What happened?

Ryouko: You hit yourself with your own attack when you tried to hit Himizu while she was standing on you head.

Saru: Definitely not one of your better moves. (Shakes head pityingly)

Saitou: Eh… (Winces as memory returns and he realizes how stupid he was) Where is she? I need to kill her!

(Ryouko and Saru point)

(Saitou sees Himizu laughing her head off as she pokes Hiei's exhausted form with a stick)

Saitou: Eh… maybe later…

Ryouko: Whatever… Hey, Himizu, don't you think we should be getting back?

Himizu: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha… huh? Yeah, you're right… Let's go.

(Everyone vanishes, then reappears in Himizu's sanctum sanctorum)

Ryouko: So…

Saru: Now what?

Himizu: Well… what if we…

A/N: Agh, this chapter has a crappy ending! But it was getting too long. So I stopped it. Next chapter will be the last chapter. Fear the ending of this horribly long story that is 141 pages in single-spaced Times New Roman font! I don't know when I'll write the end of this, but it will definitely be up before school ends. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Read and Review! Ja ne!


	23. The Grand Finale

A/N: Yes, this is it, the long-awaited final chapter of BSTV's! I hope you all like it!

Chapter 23: The Grand Finale

Ryouko: What if we what?

Himizu: Make a piñata with Saitou! (A/N: Were you honestly expecting something brilliant? Hello, it's me here!)

Saitou: O.O I'll pass…

Sano: Ha ha ha, Saitou's scared of a girl!

Himizu: (Glare) As he should be, right Sano?"

Sano: O.O; Right.

Himizu: Right, what?

Sano: Right, ma'am!

Saitou: Heh…

Saru: I've got the papier-mâché and the paint, we're ready to get started!

Ryouko: Excellent! Hiei, help me out! (Tries to slide-tackle Saitou, but fails miserably)

Hiei: …Why are we doing this?

Ryouko: Because we're bored, Hiei-chan, now help me out! (Tries to get Saitou in a headlock, but can't reach) Damnit, I hate being short. (Jumps, and this time, manages to catch Saitou around the neck)

Saitou: I refuse to allow you to attempt to perform your nefarious experiments on me.

Saru: Whatever. (Pulls out paintbrushes) Just stand still, and don't try to run. You can't run from us.

Disclaimer: (Tying nukes to the zombie lawyers) You're not gonna want to see what's about to happen. So I'll just say, I don't own any animes or the characters. I also don't own the songs I sing. I own just about everything else. Now you better run. (Runs away and a huge explosion is seen where the zombie lawyers have been… we can guess what happened)

* * *

"Everybody was Kung Fu fighting! Those cats were fast as lightning!"

Himizu was dancing around striking outrageous Kung Fu poses. Everyone else was watching her with interest, wondering how in the world she was able to transform from a totally embarrassed cringing wreck to a hyper, singing, dancing psycho in the blink of an eye.

"It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A! It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!" she sang, making the arm motions as she did so. Ryouko, Saru, and Kitsune seemed unconcerned by her complete mood swing, so it could be assumed that this happened fairly regularly. After a couple minutes, she stopped singing, stared around at everyone, then cocked her head, looking slightly puzzled. "So… what were we talking about?" she asked. Everyone fell over.

"You being a drunk whore!" Ryouko replied promptly.

"Not true! I am not a whore!"

"So you admit you're a drunk!" cried Saru.

"… I did not admit that!"

"But you didn't deny it either!" Kitsune pointed out.

"… Shit…" muttered Himizu.

"BAKA!" yelled Ryouko, hitting her on the head.

"Kidding! I don't get drunk! I just drink too much Mountain Dew!"

There was silence for a few minutes. Then Saru frowned.

"We should probably be leaving in a little while, shouldn't we?"

"Yes… sad but true," agreed Kitsune. "What do we want to do while we're still here?"

Himizu started singing again. "I fought the law and the law won, I fought the law and the law won…"

Ryouko grinned. "I like the way you think, Himizu."

"Huh?" she asked, looking slightly bemused.

Ryouko promptly pulled the gang into a huddle and whispered a quick plan. The girls were in agreement, so they pulled out of the huddle and stood in a row facing the Anime characters. Kurama saw an odd light sparkling in their eyes, and he knew that they were up to no good.

"RUN!" he yelled. Everyone scattered, but it was useless. The girls used their powers to tie the Anime characters upside down next to the Almighty Jellyfish tank.

"I feel like we've been here before…" said Beast Boy.

"No you haven't, you're delusional," Saru assured him.

"You're cracked!" Himizu exclaimed. "Cracked like…" She conjured an egg up out of nowhere and hit it against the wall. It didn't break. "WTF?" she muttered, looking at the egg. She then began to hit the egg repeatedly against the wall with every bit of her strength. The egg continued to resist her efforts, even when she threw it onto the floor and jumped up and down on top of it, cursing in rage. The other girls fell over laughing, and even the Anime characters had to try hard not to show too much amusement. Finally, panting with rage and exhaustion, Himizu picked up the egg. Then she tapped it lightly against the wall. It exploded, covering all four girls with egg goop. "…Cracked like this egg…" Himizu said finally. Then she fell over laughing. Saru and Ryouko laughed too. Kitsune did not seem amused.

"ARGH! Himizu, look what you did! It's all over my hair and my clothes! Ugh!" she yelled. Himizu grinned.

"Sorry Kits. It's not like I did it on purpose, how was I supposed to know the silly thing would blow up? Maybe Karasu put it in the fridge!"

"When would Karasu have access to our kitchen?" asked Ryouko.

"Good point… KOENMA! Have you or your father hired Karasu to assassinate us?" Himizu demanded.

"We considered it, but when he said that the only payment he would accept was Kurama, we realized that he should be a last resort," Koenma said calmly.

"You mean you'd still consider using him?" Ryouko asked, lifting an eyebrow. Koenma blinked, realizing that that was exactly what he had implied. Kurama passed out. Kitsune screamed, cursed out Koenma, and then tried to revive Kurama.

Himizu kicked some bits of eggshell moodily. "Karasu will pay…" she muttered to herself. She closed her eyes and whispered under her breath. Then she opened them and glared at a spot on the floor. Karasu appeared, covered in tire tracks and various injuries, silent testimony to the bad day he was having. He glared at her.

"Not you again…" he groaned. "I've had enough of this." He formed a bomb in his hand. Kurama woke up, saw Karasu, and cringed away as best he could while tied up, making a cross with his fingers. Yes, his hands were free enough that he could make a cross with his fingers, but not enough so that he could untie himself. The girls are talented with ropes! Karasu barely noticed him. He was glaring with hatred at the Ryouko, Saru, and Himizu, who were all glaring back with just as much hatred.

"Yes, us. We have a score to settle, crow," Himizu told him.

"You invaded our home and booby-trapped our eggs," began Ryouko.

"You constantly stalk my beloved Kurama," Kitsune said, from her position next to said fox.

"You conspired with Koenma and his father to have us killed," continued Saru.

"And you humiliated me in front of all these Anime characters!" added Himizu.

"Okay, I don't deny the other charges, but how did I humiliate you?" asked Karasu.

"Because of you, all of them saw me dressed like a slut," Himizu told him. Karasu frowned, thinking about this. Suddenly, his eyes widened in horror.

"YOU HAD A CAMERA?" he yelled, realizing what she was referring to. "Did you show them?"

"Duh! Who do you think you're talking to, ya retard!"

"Shit!" Karasu turned and ran.

"GET BACK HERE!" the three girls yelled, chasing after him with mallets and flamethrowers. Karasu ran at a marathon pace, but he couldn't escape from the girls and their weapons of doom. They beat the crap out of him with their mallets, burnt him with their flamethrowers, beat him with hockey sticks, set his hair on fire (yes, again), beat him with baseball bats, threw bombs at him, beat him with other hard inanimate objects, and finally tied him to a rock which they put on a catapult and sent flying off into the distance.

"I think we've finally gotten rid of the bastard…" Saru said casually. Not a single person in the room doubted her.

On the same street that he's landed on every single time…

Karasu plummeted to the ground and hit it with a smack that knocked him out. The boulder and the ropes tying him to it vaporized instantly. To all appearances, the crow demon had jumped out of an airplane without a parachute or some equally stupid stunt. The little kids riding their tricycles happily rolled over Karasu's limp form, laughing with the twisted joy of innocent small children.

Back at the mansion

"Ah, that was fun… now back to the sacrifices," said Ryouko. Kurama looked at Kitsune.

"Why are you four so determined to sacrifice us to that jellyfish? What did we ever do to you?" he asked her.

Kitsune shrugged. "That's the way life goes, Kurama-sama. But there is one way you can save yourselves."

"How's that?" asked Yusuke.

"It's very simple really," Himizu told them. She was perched precariously on the edge of the tank, rocking back and forth on her heels. The Almighty Jellyfish moved its great bulk towards her. She blinked at it, then went back to rocking on her heels.

"What would happen if we pushed her off?" wondered Hiei, who wasn't quite close enough to do so. Sesshoumaru smirked and, since he was the closest to her, tried to do just that. But just as his hand reached out to knock her feet out from under her, she dropped a flower on his face. He twitched madly and jerked away from her. Himizu began to laugh like a maniac and very nearly did fall into the tank, but had the presence of mind to fall forwards instead of backwards, and so instead fell flat on her face on the stone floor, still laughing her head off. Ryouko whooped and dragged Himizu to her feet so she could high-five her. Saru laughed and high-fived Himizu as well. Kitsune looked like she didn't know whether to be pissed or to crack up.

"Um… about saving ourselves…?" Mitari began timidly.

"Oh, yeah, about that!" Himizu said, stopping in mid-laugh to face Mitari. She suddenly looked dead serious. It was yet another example of her abrupt 180-degree mood swings. Mitari blinked in surprise. Himizu ignored the astonished look and explained what they could do. "You can either pay us every cent you have on you, we'll also accept jewelry and rare artifacts…" She paused to let them mutter or shout indignantly. "…Or you can be sung to by the singing ferrets, run over repeatedly by the stampeding wombats, sacrificed to the Almighty Jellyfish, and fed to the killer plants out front. It's your choice."

There was a long silence.

"So which will it be? Your money, or your life?" asked Ryouko, an evil grin slipping onto her face. There was really no contest. As soon as they were released, every single Anime character gave up all the money they had on them, and many had jewels and rare items. The girls collected them, teleported them off to some secret location, then stood and looked at the Anime characters.

"You do realize that we would have let you go whether you had paid us or not, right?" Saru asked with a grin. There was dead silence. Then murder awoke in the Anime characters faces as they realized that they had been tricked, but before any murder attempts could be made, the four girls were out of reach and laughing like maniacs.

"All right, this has been fun, but it's about time we quit," Himizu said regretfully. "But never fear, you'll probably end up here one way or another sometime in the near future." She was instantly bombarded with various pillows and suchlike from the Anime characters, as they expressed their disgust with that idea. Himizu laughed. Then she and her cohorts separated the Anime characters into the separate Animes.

First the Teen Titans characters were sent back. They instantly went back to their lives, spending time playing videogames and fighting whoever was trying to take over the world at the time. Then the Ranma ½ characters were sent back. They instantly went back to their lives, fighting in their silly love triangles and squares and pentagons and various other shapes, as well as trying to find the cure for the Jusenkyo Springs (I probably spelled that wrong, didn't I?). Then the Inuyasha characters were sent back, after Kitsune glomped Sesshoumaru, and nearly got her head cut off in the process. They went back to their lives of fighting and searching for jewel shards. Then the Case Closed characters were sent back to their lives of solving mysteries and such, after Himizu hit Richard one last time and Ryouko hugged Heiji and Conan one last time. Then the Rurouni Kenshin characters were sent back to their lives of fighting and training and saving Japan from evil warlords and whatever, after Himizu hugged Sanosuke and Ryouko hugged Kenshin. Then, finally, the Yu Yu Hakusho characters were sent back to their lives of fighting and saving the world from demonic beings and whatever, after Himizu glomped Mitari, Ryouko glomped Hiei, and Kitsune glomped Kurama to within an inch of his life.

Each group solemnly vowed to forget all about the incident of the day. All except the YYH Cast, who knew that they would be called back to the girls' sides as soon as they were wanted, so many of them resolved to murder the girls on sight (which will never happen, but we'll let them delude themselves for now). With that done, the girls went back to their own world, the real world outside of the fifth dimension, and they settled in to relax, drink highly caffinated sodas, write insane fanfics, and plot their next adventure with the Anime characters.

Back at that certain street in the fifth dimension

It was sometime in the middle of the night. Karasu woke up. He was covered with bruises, cuts, burns, lacerations, ashes, bite marks from the ants and other bugs, and tire tracks from being run over by about 300 cars, trucks, buses, taxis, motorcycles, and tricycles. He blinked in dazed confusion.

"Owww……" he moaned. He then passed out again.

Saitou: If you put down the paint, I won't cut your throat.

(Saru is pinned against the wall by a sword at her throat. Ryouko and Hiei are watching with interest, as are Himizu and Sanosuke)

Saru: But… but… I wanna paint you! Pretty sparkly colors! (Flicks sparkly pink paint at Saitou, who barely dodges it)

Saitou: Grr… I am not in the mood for this… You! (Glares at Himizu)

Himizu: (Stares blankly with wide innocent eyes) Hm?

Saitou: Send me and Rooster-head back to where we came from. Now.

Himizu: Why?

Saitou: (Eye twitch) Because if you don't, I will bloodily murder you right here and now, along with your two friends, and possibly Shorty and Rooster-head while I'm on a roll.

Ryouko: NOT HIEI!

Himizu: You wouldn't do that. You can't kill my friends or me because we're immortal, and Ryouko and I will protect the shrimp and Sano-sama, so you really can't do anything. Just surrender peacefully.

Saitou: LIKE HELL! (Vein popping near eye)

Himizu: (Sigh) Saru, put away the paint before Tall Insect Man blows a blood vessel. I'd really rather not clean it up.

Saru: Do I have to?

Himizu: Only if you wanna clean up the blood.

Saru: (Twitch) I'll pass… Fine. (Throws paint into the air; it vanishes before it can slosh over anything)

Himizu: It's been fun! (Hugs Sano) Goodbye Sano-sama, goodbye Tall Insect Man!

(Saitou glares, but he and Sano vanish before he can do anything about it)

Ryouko: So… now what?

Hiei: Can I leave yet?

Himizu: (Sigh) Fine. Away, little man! (Snaps fingers, Hiei vanishes)

Saru: So… now what?

Ryouko: Didn't I just say that?

Himizu: Yes, you did… Anyone for Uno?

THE END! (Finally!)

* * *

A/N: Yes, at 9:21 PM Eastern Standard Time, on May 31, 2006, I have finished this fanfic, which I have worked on for about one year and four months, or so, maybe closer to five months. I had a lot of fun with this fic, and I would have continued it, but I was running out of ideas fast and it was really a struggle to write the last few chapters. So I decided to just end it while it was still reasonably good and not end it badly. I hope I didn't end it badly… 7 more days of school left, so I made my goal of finishing this before school ends. Just in time too, since I have to start studying for exams. But never fear, once summer starts, I will apply myself with renewed vigor to the other fics that I have started but not yet posted, along with the two that are in progress on already. I hope you all enjoyed it, thanks to all my loyal readers, and I hope you'll continue to read my stories. 


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